Awkward situation - don't think I can say No.

Angel9876

Hi, I am a newbie here, so please be gentle.

I am a mother, and would like another child in a few years time.

My sis has just fallen pregnant and has said that she would like to buy my baby stuff off me. I said that I would like another child so don't really want her to buy my stuff off me as I will need it again.

She said that was fine, but as I won't have the next baby for a while, could she borrow my stuff instead. I said yes. But have been feeling weird about it ever since.

My sis and her husband earn a lot more than me and my husband, and I feel like we struggled and sacrificed to get the baby stuff. Most of it was bought new, because we were excited. I appreciate that I could have got it cheaper if I had bought second hand and thus not struggled as much, and thus probably not be feeling the way I feel now. The fact that I have gone without whilst they blow their money on fast cars/holidays/nights out etc and now they want a complete set of baby stuff for nowt kind of gets to me.

My sis has been really good to us and has spoiled our child with her time, and sometimes her money (my child always gets good xmas / birthday presents from my sis).

I feel a bit put out about letting her borrow my things for her child/children. I have tried to keep the pram etc in good condition, and whilst I'm sure my sis wouldn't deliberately damage it, wear and tear is going to happen. Therefore my next child will not have such nice things.

There, I've said it. Could I get your reasoned opinions on this please? Are my feelings rational, or do I just sound like a possessive and jealous cow?

Plans_all_plans

I don't really see an issue to be honest. Surely if there is obvious wear and tear after she uses them, she'll replace them before giving them back. Also, a baby doesn't care if it's in well used boot sale equipment or brand new Mamas and Papas.

I wouldn't hesitate to give my baby stuff to my sister, even if I thought I might need it in future.

MarilynMonroe_2

Can you agree to lend her just some fo the things? Like baby baths arent going to get ruined, moses baskets arent used for long and would be ok when you got it back.
What sort of stuff was she wanting to lend off you?

Hmm I think I would feel the same as you tbh x

gratefulforhelp_2

If you really really don't want to do it, then say so, don't let it fester.

But...is it the stuff or what it represents for you that is the problem?

Angel9876

Thanks for coming back to me - just reading that has made me feel so much better! I think this was one of those things where I couldn't talk to anyone around me about it and needed someone to rationalise for me! Thanks

mich13x

I think you are being completely rational!

In my opinion your sister is being rather cheeky to ask to borrow your things knowing fine well you are keeping them for your own future baby.

The stuff wont be returned to you in the same condition as you loaned them due to wear and tear so how can it possibly be fair?

Also if they have plenty of money then you shouldnt feel an ounce of guilt when you tell them that as much as you would like to help you paid alot of money for the baby things and want to keep them in as good a condition as possible for your own baby as you cant afford to replace them.

MarilynMonroe_2

I found it really hard giving dd's stuff to the charity shops. You get emotionally atatched to the stupidist of things. I didnt really like the idea of someone else using MY childs things. Her keepsake box doesnt close theres that much stuff I couldnt part with, and I know she'll wonder why on earth I felt the need to keep stuff.

Alikay

No, you're not jealous or possessive: The items are just precious to you and you know they'll come back to you in a more "used" condition than if you kept them packed away until your second baby arrives. I'd try and use some excuse about both of you having more children at some point and not wanting to have to co-ordinate conception with the availability of the cot and pram!

She may not be happy about it - it's a bit like a friend wanting to borrow your favourite dress in that there's no way of finding a compromise, but If you don't want to loan your things you shouldn't have to.

Angel9876

Gosh, there are lots of replies! Thanks.

She wants everything.

I know she will take care of it. Maybe it is more about what the stuff represents than anything. I think I need to take a deep breath and remember that it is just stuff that will probably get ebayed / chucked after I've finished with it anyway!

Thanks for the replies.

onlyroz

Some things (like prams and buggies) get a lot of wear and tear, and so I'd be reluctant to lend them if I thought I might want them again. However, other stuff like the cot and the baby bath, should be fine even after many years of use and so I'd lend them like a shot.

Tiddlywinks

They may earn more but have more outgoings - maybe debts that you don't know about or they are having hours cut?

You never know what goes on behind closed doors. There may be reasons why she needs your help but is too proud to tell you.