Awkward situation - don't think I can say No.

Weird_Nev

I think there's more to this. I think perhaps you resent the situation your sister is in a little bit?

Perhaps she just wants to share in some common feelings now that she's going through pregnancy.

I'm sure that to my younger sisters, I seem like I've "done really well" and have it easy. I've got a BMW (worth £700, but people like to assume things when you drive one), wife works hard, we have a nice house with spare rooms. We've worked hard for what we have, but now we're pregnant, our backs are to the wall as much as anyone else. We've been very, very grateful for family and friends gifting us new clothes and hand me downs.

Not many people stick up for you when you're pregnant. Family at least should stick together. Perhaps this is an opportunity to strengthen the bond between you and your sister rather than make an issue out of something that in my eyes is a total non issue. You can help your sister out, and feel good, and still get the clothing and stuff back for your own use if and when you do have another child. It's no loss to you, but the favour gained with your sister could last a lifetime.

skintchick

I'm always happy to lend things out to people BUT I've never been asked, I always offer, so I'm in control of what I lend out.

If you don;t want to lend yours then I'd just say 'Im sorry, I know this is weird but i feel so attached to all these things I don;t want any babies other than mine in them, sorry', then offer to go car boots/NCT sales with her to help her get her own bargains.

Is there anything you would be happy to lend her that you could use to mollify her a bit?

mishkanorman

I couldnt part with any of our baby things, although we had 2 boys close together so quite alot of the stuff was re-used for the 2nd and probably wouldnt be as wanted as those of the OP.

We un-packed all the clothes from the loft a few months back and they all still had that baby smell about them, it brought back some lovely memories - they wouldnt have that if they had been shared.

perhaps you could explain to your sis that they all mean alot to you and it would seem strange to share it, maybe suggest a shopping day together to help her pick out her own. Plant a few suggestions of wouldnt she like to get stuff she would choose rather than your hand me downs, see if there is a NCT sale nearby if money is tight for her ??

Hope it turns out ok for you OP

gravitytolls

Is it her first? Will she qualify for a grant?

TBH it probably wouldn't bother me, but maybne that's because all our things were already pre used.

I think I'd be inclined to have a good look at everything, remember how you felt seeing your beautiful perfect baby in them, maybe breathe deeply, inhale your precious one's scent, then you'll know if you really can bear to let her borrow anything. It may be that there are things you are too attached to, simply can't bear the idea of a baby not from you using, and some things that you don't feel a strong attachment to.

Anyhoo, bottom line is, she might think you're barking, but these are your baby's things, your memories, your feelings, and your sis will simply have to accept it. It might be tactless to suggest she'll understand when she has one of her own, but if it is her first, its mebbe a fair comment.

Nicki

Could you say that you won't lend the cot or the pushchair as these are used for 3 years or so, and you hope to have had your next one before your sister will be finished with them (even if in reality you are thinking of a bigger gap). You can then edit the rest of your stuff, and lend what you feel happy with and keep back what you aren't. She won't know in detail what you kept after number 1 and what was worn out and disposed of.

That way you don't upset her, you help her out, but you don't lend the precious stuff which is bothering you. You could also make it a condition that anything broken has to be replaced if you have another child.

barbiedoll

What sort of things does she expect to "borrow"? Car seats and prams are a definite no-no if you think that you may want to reuse them. They do suffer wear and tear and what is suitable for use after 2 babies may not be suitable for use with a third.

Clothes and stuff, well, I guess it depends on what gender the baby turns out to be. I know that babygros and vests can be used for either but who wants second-hand stuff like that? And if you have nice baby outfits that you don't want to lend, then don't!

I would say that a baby bath, a cot (with the proviso that she buys a new mattress), possibly a high chair and maybe toys, could be lent but other than that, tell her that she will have to get her own stuff.

Just a thought but.......As she offered to buy the stuff, is it possible that she thought that she was doing you a favour by giving you some money for it? If she's quite well off and she knows that you aren't, she may have been trying to help?

Blackpool_Saver

Try to explain to her they are precious and have memories............

paddy's_mum

Even as a grandmother, I felt just as upset and rattled as you do now ... and the people asking were my own beloved daughters!

I've kept and cared for a lined and petticoated (it was the fashion!) Moses basket for 30 years. My two youngest came home from hospital and slept in it for their first 5 or 6 weeks. It was made for me and given as a generous (and so appreciated) gift by a talented needlewoman friend who knew that we were struggling financially.

Fast forward 25 years, and one of my daughters asked to borrow it for my own grandchild. I got a tearful wobbly on and just could not bring myself to lend it, even though I know exactly where in the loft it is and that my daughter would look after it with great care!

I agree with others - pick out those half a dozen things that would grieve you if they were damaged or uncared for and refuse the loan of them. Everything else, let it go since it creates goodwill and can be replaced for peanuts at the end.

No, you're not being unreasonable or if you are, there are millions of women just like you!

Bumpmakesfour

What "stuff" is it she wants to borrow hun?
Is your sis only planning on one baby then?If not surely it'd make more sense for her to buy her own?And gosh I LOOOVED buying the things for my first ..she doesn't know what she's missing out on!

pinkclouds

I agree that if anything has sentimental value then just say so and don't lend the things out. But if you feel you should go ahead with the loan, I think I'd keep the pram and lend the rest (excluding any particular baby toys/mementoes that you have set aside for yourself and/or your kids).

I might also point out that even if *you* don't have your second child within the next 2-3 years, *she* might have her second child within that space of time and the stuff might never come back (or, at least, not when you actually need it). At the end of the day, we might try to plan babies but Mother Nature has her own agenda.