Awkward situation - don't think I can say No.

Katinkka

God, how irritating. I would be in a state about something like this! I wouldn't lend her the pram. No flipping way. I wouldn't be bothered about the other stuff, steriliser, etc although I would be concerned about it being returned. Make sure you don't lend any precious baby outfits either...

alwaysbrassic

I had the same issue! I lent my sister my little ones car seat, which we had paid a lot of money for.
It was wrecked when I got it back, and I was gutted. It is still usable, but after I looked after it so well, it upset me.
Like you, what upset me is that my sister has never paid for anything, she gets almost every thing given or paid for.
I didn't say anything though, think that would have been a step too far (and I'm not good at confrontation!)

BigBlackcat

Personally, I'd say "no". I think it's weird that your sister doesn't want to buy her own baby gear. Preparing for a new baby and buying all that cute stuff is fun!

Mojisola

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

They may earn more but have more outgoings - maybe debts that you don't know about or they are having hours cut?

You never know what goes on behind closed doors. There may be reasons why she needs your help but is too proud to tell you.

There's nothing to stop the sister buying cheap, second-hand stuff if their financial position is tight.

Threebabes

I would say no as well. Especially with you planning more babies.

cazziebo

I think what you're feeling is totally natural... maybe irrational but I think we are all guilty of being irrational when it comes to our babies! I was first to have a baby in the family and just about everything disappeared within a year to SIL's. I was really quite sad - it seemed like that very special time of "babyhood" was going out the door.

There is something rather lovely about cousins sharing so much. In years to come they'll be looking at photos of being in the same bath, pram, clothes. Your next baby might not be in such a sparkly pram, but the baby won't care. (Have to say, whereas my firstborn was always colour coordinated and changed several times a day, my second child was lucky if she was properly dressed from the outset!)

Your sister sounds like a wonderful, caring aunt and sister. If you think she'll replace any damages then I would be careful about letting anything like this come between you. She did offer to buy - could you come to an agreement where she puts some money in an account for your children, or gives you say, half the cost of the major items?

After all, it's only "things".

NewLifeAhead_2

My sister and I "share" clothes between our children, as she has 2 girls 6+3 and i have 2 girls 7+4. My sister looks after things immaculately so it never bothers me one bit however when my 4 year old was a baby she lent me her baby walker (sit in type) and when i returned it we fell out as she didnt feel id looked after it well enough - the seat had got broke and even though i replaced it with a brand new one she felt it wasnt the point and we didnt speak for months!
We are really close but these things can happen, so above all else you need to be sure you wouldnt fall out if something did happen to one of you things and then lose out on precious time as a family xx

sir_monster

Is a difficult one isn't I would probably lend the basic type clothes but not any special just in case there is a massive poo explosion and gets ruined!! Also is sometimes hard when you are given stuff to always remember who gave you what etc so I wouldn't give anything that would annoy you if didn't come back for number 2.

Also pram/car seat maybe not but could you say to her they can have it but if does get ruined they would have to replace it??

I have given stuff to my nieces and nephews which are mainly grateful for but I gave my brother in law a jumperoo (worth £100 new, about £45 second hand) and we asked for it back at the wkd over a text message and he said he'd taken it to the tip. DH says he's joking but I just think not very nice thing to joke about!

Kay_Peel

I can understand how you feel. Those baby items have a special place in your heart and may still have a role to play in your future. For your sister they are just 'things' that she won't have to pay for and can give back. They are meaningless for her, but they have sentimental value without price for you. The parents-to-be could well afford to buy their own things but impose upon you for freebies.

Here's a couple of suggestions:

1. Tell her honestly of your attachments to the baby items and how you feel about parting from them, even temporarily. She may think that they are just 'things' that you have no use for and I would hope that she would understand. (If she doesn't understand now, she may well come to understand that sentimentality a year from now.)

2. Persuade her that she needs to invest in good equipment like buggies, cots, mattresses, furniture etc herself - especially if she intends to have another child. (;)Personally, I wouldn't want to give these away unless they had been serviced and inspected properly - that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!;)). Give her things like the steriliser or nappy bucket or anything that is inexpensive and has little sentimental value.

It will be no skin off her nose to get new baby items and she would be well advised to start off her family with good, sound stuff if she can afford it. Don't feel guilty over your perfectly natural desire to keep what you have earned, and what means a lot to you. And don't feel guilty about saying 'No' to well-off parents-to-be who want a free ride at your expense. No wonder they can afford a great lifestyle if they cadge freebies!

Good luck!

lostinrates

I'd keep special things back..a '' special family dress'' that our grandmother had worn before out mother then us, was used as a fancy dress outfit my my sister;s kids and will never be fit for a ''special dress'' ever again for her children . I think its lovely to share too, and would give stuff bar a few special things BUT be warned the ''you'll get it back'' with special stuff. Another point of ''discomfort'' is a teddy that was my sister's and then mine, and then her girls....we ALL loved him, and its right he is with them, but we also all feel a bit weirdly posessive...we didn't have many teddies in out family particularly my sister and I, so we all love the one poor thing very much and I think it would be hard for my neices if I wanted him back for a child and I know I found it a little hard to pass him back even though really he was my sister's first!

So cherry pick before sharing in which ever way you decide.