MODS - please delete thread

elisebutt65

Sigh!!!!
How about someone answers the question - How does the OP cope?

essexgirly

As regards being Judge mental or Millie tant, I personally don't think I have been either. I tried to put my perspective across from my personal understanding of what my best friend went through (very traumatically, I may add). Yes OP, I sincerely understand your stress of the entire situation. But, from an OUTSIDER's POV, I really think that you are in denial of the whole situation, you appear to have a very blinkered view of what is going on around you. We, on this forum, have only your views on the subject, so we can only comment on what you chose to say, which is fair. You are telling us that the OW is violent, your husband is/was on anti-depressants, your daughter has gone into "meltdown".

Please don't take this as a critisism (sp) but you appear to be in a very bad place at the moment, you come across as extremely aggressive in some of your posts, which I totally understand being as the turmoil you are in. But please, listen to some of the posters, I for one have not said leave your husband or kick him out. But try understanding that every action causes a reaction, the OW may be reacting to your lack of compassion for the child, who knows.

As I said previously in an earlier post. The two children are the main priorities in this situation, you cannot pretend this other child does not exist, its a fact of life, she does. Try and put all your energies into resolving this situation as calmly and amicably as is possible, I really believe the children will thank you for it later in their lives.

In the meantime, I truly wish you well, anger is so exhausting, I can only imagine that you are so tired of it all.

chesky369

from the OP's first post :
"Anyway, whilst I am mostly able to deal with the situation,things like the CSA phoning my husband and CSA letters dropping through the door are constant reminders of the affair and makes me boil up inside."

Perhaps she didn't really mean it in this way, but it does imply that, if only the CSA and the woman concerned would stop bothering him, then she would be able to cope with the situation.
If the husband had had an affair, thought better of it and returned home, willingly did the right thing by his new child and behaved better, then OK. But that isn't the case - he's continuing to behave in a really selfish way to all concerned. And the OP continues to defend him and blame it all the other woman. There's probably a thread on here somewhere from a woman who has been deserted whilst pregnant by a man who promised to live with her and who won't acknowledge his child.

A sorry affair all round.

jojo_2012_2

I can understand why you don't want to hear from this woman. If she keeps emailing and you both want her to sod of and tell her this then you can apply for an injunction at the local court stopping her doing so. As for the CSA the sooner he pays it regularly the sooner he and you won't have to hear from them.

MoreOn

chesky369 wrote: »

he's continuing to behave in a really selfish way to all concerned. And the OP continues to defend him and blame it all the other woman. There's probably a thread on here somewhere from a woman who has been deserted whilst pregnant by a man who promised to live with her and who won't acknowledge his child.

A sorry affair all round.

How long does it take to recover from a mental illness, would that recover be sufficient to engage in processes that might create a cycle of ill health and would there be a fear of engaging in those proceses.. I don't have the answer for OP, anyone that has experince like a doc, of this type of ill health might have a better understanding whether protecting OH is wise...

Oldernotwiser

euronorris wrote: »

I don't care what the OP wanted. I care about the needs of that child, which are JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THE OP'S FAMILY, and are being completely neglected by the two people who are supposed to love and care for it. Worse, another person is aware of this, and the fact that it's mother is violent and aggressive, and she's chosen to ignore it!
.

But they aren't important to the OP and neither should they be; they are none of her business.

(If she rang Social Services, do you really think that they'd take much notice of what she said, given the general situation?)

MoreOn

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

But they aren't important to the OP and neither should they be; they are none of her business.

(If she rang Social Services, do you really think that they'd take much notice of what she said, given the general situation?)

And the issues that existed are time bound...

marleyboy

OP, whilst it is one thing to take back your OH of which nobody is judging you for, it has to be stressed that this OW and HIS daddy duties are entirely his own doing and his own mess.

You should leave that mess solely on his lap, getting involved in this will ultimately affect your relationship with him, far better to hand over any letters to him, pass the phone over to him when the CSA call, be firm and insist you cannot and will not get involved in this predicament he has created for himself.

The damage is already done, there is nothing you or he can do to undo that, but it is not your fault, problem or circumstance, some things you just have to stay out of, no matter how close you both are.

Padstow

elisebutt65 wrote: »

Sigh!!!!
How about someone answers the question - How does the OP cope?

I understand your frustration, but a*a hasn't provided the information to help the posters here give her the advice she asked for.



I would expect for example to know, whether a*a and the OW may ever pass one another on the street? Do they have friends in common? Therefore mixing in the same social circles. As someone else suggested, might the children attend the same school?
Maybe a*a and the OW live hundreds of miles apart? Who knows, she hasn't told us.

None of this information was ever imparted.
Instead it was the fear of the CSA envelope landing on the doormat.

Is that the deduction of cash, or a reminder of the baby that was the fear?

I'll say this, a*a, you may think a lovely little baby, a sister for your girl, is a constant reminder.

Imagine instead, that there was no child, but you are now inflicted with Genital Warts. Herpes, or HIV? Every one a reminder of his affair.

Lucky you escaped with a new wonderful life, rather than a potential death penalty.

FBaby

In the end, the future will only go one way or the other. You are totally right, your OH just made a big mistake that was totally unlike him, he is full of remorse, very happy with you and his family, reminders will diminish, the other daughter will stay away, and you will look back, happy together and know that you did the right thing staying with your partner. Or, most posters here will be right, your partner is saying and doing all you want to hear and see now to regain your trust, will be the perfect husband until he knows that way is safe, and then do something else out of the spur of his self-centeredness and you will think back at this thread and tell yourself that you were totally blind then and wished you'd open your eyes sooner.

No one can predict the future, you need to go with your gut feelings, only you will deal with the consequences of your choice, no one here. I genuinely wish you've made the right decision.