MODS - please delete thread

FBaby

OP, you are becoming more and more defensive which is only going to get posters more aggressive. Don't rise to it. In the end, it is your choice whether you take into consideration what -many- posters have said. Surely, however angry you are, you can't dimiss absolutely everything that has been said even if not what you want to hear? You have made your choice of staying with your partner and most have said that it was your right and you should stick to your decision. Good for your for sticking to your marriage but don't react so defensively to some suggestions that have been put forward here. You might not be 100% right in your interpretation of your situation. You critisize posters who are negative of knowing what it is like to be in your situation, but sometimes that's what it takes to be able to see more clearly. I've been there, we all have been there, when you are overwhelmed with feelings of anger and worry, you often can't see the overall picture. Of course it is completely your choice whether to consider the advice put forward or not, but don't denigrate everything said just because some goes against you and your daughter being the sole victims and your partner not being as innocent and clean as what you believe he is. You are entitled to consider that there could some truth in what is said here without it being a betrayal to your intention to save your marriage.

Person_one

alias*alibi wrote: »

He didn't. Why would the OW have such jealousy towards the amount of time he spent with our child if he didn't want anything to do with her?

Good try.

Try?

I meant, how would it have made you feel?

QuiteNice

alias*alibi wrote: »

You are correct. He does not give a rats !!!!! about a baby he never wanted or has met. Is that what you wanted to hear? There, I've said it.

It's been obvious through the whole thread that you think this but it's incredibly vile to see you blatantly say it.

I wonder in what capacity you work for Social Services? You have a horrid attitude towards the wellbeing and rights of your husband's daughter that is completely at odds with that of any social care framework.

Your husband's daughter has every right to a relationship with her father. She carries his blood and DNA in her veins. In fact, she has an unbreakable biological bond with your husband, which is something you will never have. He may not always be your husband but he will always be her father. There is nothing that any of you can do about it.

I know a woman who was the 'other woman' 10 years ago, I also know the wife. Their story is so close to this it's as though this thread was about them. The OW is a vile, violent woman and had an affair with a married man, got pregnant, took him in, he left, took him back, blah blah blah. The wife is equally as vile and showed herself to be violent in one particular episode as well.

The OW has suffered emotionally, socially, financially - as has the wife who had a baby at almost the same time as she did. The father told both of them packs of lies, making out he was the victim to both of them. Of course they both chose to believe him because they loved him and felt their rivals were the most horrid women who ever walked the face of the earth. He got to have sex with both of them, telling the other lies when he felt out with one of them. The wife took her husband back but she never let go of the unforgiveness and anger and it has eaten her and made her a bitter person.

The one person though who has suffered the most of all of them is the little boy who the OW gave birth to. He is growing up with a horrible mentally unwell mother who blames him for her lot in life and tells him that his father does not want anything to do with him. He is 10 years old and exhibits signs of mental health problems. He feels unloved and behaves in a way that indicates he is desperately trying to get approval and reassurance from the adults in his life.

The wife took the husband back on the condition that he would not have any contact with the little boy or the OW again. He did that. Everyone who knows them thinks he is a spineless disgusting person.

I can't imagine why you would think everyone is going to agree with you and think so well of your husband. He is doing something terrible - and you are making him do it because you are bitter and hold unforgiveness in your heart.

alias*alibi

FBaby wrote: »

OP, you are becoming more and more defensive which is only going to get posters more aggressive. Don't rise to it. In the end, it is your choice whether you take into consideration what -many- posters have said. Surely, however angry you are, you can't dimiss absolutely everything that has been said even if not what you want to hear? You have made your choice of staying with your partner and most have said that it was your right and you should stick to your decision. Good for your for sticking to your marriage but don't react so defensively to some suggestions that have been put forward here. You might not be 100% right in your interpretation of your situation. You critisize posters who are negative of knowing what it is like to be in your situation, but sometimes that's what it takes to be able to see more clearly. I've been there, we all have been there, when you are overwhelmed with feelings of anger and worry, you often can't see the overall picture. Of course it is completely your choice whether to consider the advice put forward or not, but don't denigrate everything said just because some goes against you and your daughter being the sole victims and your partner not being as innocent and clean as what you believe he is. You are entitled to consider that there could some truth in what is said here without it being a betrayal to your intention to save your marriage.

I am getting aggressive on purpose because after 20 pages of the same old things being repeated I've had enough. Not only have people bashed my decision to take my husband back; called him everything but a saint but now have the bloody audacity to be telling ME I should be sorry for leaving an innocent baby with it's deranged mother and should involve social services!!!! Some people absolutely take the !!!!!! and live in cloud flaming cuckoo land on here.

peachyprice

Jeez, OP, you're now coming across as much of a psycho as the OW.

alias*alibi

QuiteNice wrote: »

It's been obvious through the whole thread that you think this but it's incredibly vile to see you blatantly say it.

I wonder in what capacity you work for Social Services? You have a horrid attitude towards the wellbeing and rights of your husband's daughter that is completely at odds with that of any social care framework.

Your husband's daughter has every right to a relationship with her father. She carries his blood and DNA in her veins. In fact, she has an unbreakable biological bond with your husband, which is something you will never have. He may not always be your husband but he will always be her father. There is nothing that any of you can do about it.

I know a woman who was the 'other woman' 10 years ago, I also know the wife. Their story is so close to this it's as though this thread was about them. The OW is a vile, violent woman and had an affair with a married man, got pregnant, took him in, he left, took him back, blah blah blah. The wife is equally as vile and showed herself to be violent in one particular episode as well.

The OW has suffered emotionally, socially, financially - as has the wife who had a baby at almost the same time as she did. The father told both of them packs of lies, making out he was the victim to both of them. Of course they both chose to believe him because they loved him and felt their rivals were the most horrid women who ever walked the face of the earth. He got to have sex with both of them, telling the other lies when he felt out with one of them. The wife took her husband back but she never let go of the unforgiveness and anger and it has eaten her and made her a bitter person.

The one person though who has suffered the most of all of them is the little boy who the OW gave birth to. He is growing up with a horrible mentally unwell mother who blames him for her lot in life and tells him that his father does not want anything to do with him. He is 10 years old and exhibits signs of mental health problems. He feels unloved and behaves in a way that indicates he is desperately trying to get approval and reassurance from the adults in his life.

The wife took the husband back on the condition that he would not have any contact with the little boy or the OW again. He did that. Everyone who knows them thinks he is a spineless disgusting person.

I can't imagine why you would think everyone is going to agree with you and think so well of your husband. He is doing something terrible - and you are making him do it because you are bitter and hold unforgiveness in your heart.

Yawn. So what?

ampersand

clearing out - dear lady, that is a remarkable, brave and totally perceptive post of painfully acquired wisdom.
I salute and thank you for the time you have given and hope the re-living of it as you wrote stays copable.
alias - please take it in.

I wish only for you to both reclaim your lives.

May it be so.
##########
Have now seen the subsequent posts.

alias - you need to step away from the Thread and the computer for the weekend. Get outside, walk in fresh air and sun[it's a bonus now], wander about in a museum/Library/park/exhibition - whatever is near and can remind you there's beauty and Life and a future to be part of, as a whole self, regardless of all of this.

Do not mistake me - of course you cannot now live as if none of this has ever happened.
What you CAN do[and should, imo]is write the next chapter, alone, original, ultimately a triumph. Remember, you retain sole editorial rights over your own Life.

alias*alibi

peachyprice wrote: »

Jeez, OP, you're now coming across as much of a psycho as the OW.

After 20 pages of the same old !!!!!! will do that to a person.

QuiteNice

alias*alibi wrote: »

Yawn. So what?

See, that just confirms to me that you are a unpleasant person.

I hope you continue to see a counsellor.

alias*alibi

ampersand wrote: »

clearing out - dear lady, that is a remarkable, brave and totally perceptive post of painfully acquired wisdom.
I salute and thank you for the time you have given and hope the re-living of it as you wrote stays copable.
alias - please take it in.

I wish only for you to both reclaim your lives.

May it be so.

I agree. She is obviously more level headed than I am and I admire her immensely.