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  • euronorris
    euronorris Posts: 12,247 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper PPI Party Pooper
    edited 27 October 2011 at 7:56PM
    *accidental duplicate post*
    February wins: Theatre tickets
  • System
    System Posts: 178,355 Community Admin
    10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    If the OW hadn't got pregnant, hadn't got aggressive (allegedly we don't know that) would he have come back to you at all?

    I'd have to ask and I'd have to believe that I wasn't just the 'lesser of two evils'. But then I'm older and can't put up with as much c*ap as I used to.
    This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
  • newcook
    newcook Posts: 5,001 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    the ONLY way that him playing a part in the baby's life is achievable is with the willing co-operation of the PWC. This is certainly not the case here. These things are difficult enough to achieve with most divorces...let alone something as nightmarish as this situation...

    To be fair though, we only have what OP has told us about her to go on, and a lot of that has come from her husband (who what we can gather from OP is about as honest as Pinocchio!!)
  • DeeDee74
    DeeDee74 Posts: 2,941 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Poor man cant win in this situation, leave as soon as he finds out and and he is an !!!! for not trying to make it work, stay and have a good go at things and he is wrong for dragging it out !??!

    apparently he didnt want the baby so it was never going to work, so why stay!!!!
    Ignore reality.There's nothing you can do about it.
    I have done reading too!
    personally test's all her own finds
  • euronorris
    euronorris Posts: 12,247 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper PPI Party Pooper
    I don't see how any of that excuses him from trying.
    February wins: Theatre tickets
  • peachyprice
    peachyprice Posts: 22,346 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    The reason my husband eventually had to leave the OW is because of the level of violence she was displaying. She threw things at him, moaned about the amount of contact he was having with our daughter telling him things had better change when the baby comes along. The crunch came after a huge row when things got damaged andy husbands mental state was starting to suffer. He is now on high dosage anti-d's. This apparently is what she does after throwing a full bottle of wine at her ex husbands head.

    So I am guessing my husbands reluctance in getting to know the baby is because he can't handle anymore stress or grief off of her.

    OMG, I shocked that anyone, man or woman would abandon their child to a life with such an unstable parent without at least monitoring the situation. Does he really have absolutley no fears for the safety of his child?
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
  • Welshwoofs
    Welshwoofs Posts: 11,146 Forumite
    OMG, I shocked that anyone, man or woman would abandon their child to a life with such an unstable parent without at least monitoring the situation. Does he really have absolutley no fears for the safety of his child?

    If she is that unstable....

    The Op said here:
    "he told her a whole load of stories to make himself look like a victim and for her to feel sorry for him."

    Wouldn't it therefore be rather likely that he does the same thing in reverse; telling his wife a load of stories to make himself look like a victim so that she feels sorry for him and is therefore more likely to forgive him and direct her anger at the OW?
    “Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.”
    Dylan Moran
  • peachyprice
    peachyprice Posts: 22,346 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Welshwoofs wrote: »
    If she is that unstable....

    The Op said here:
    "he told her a whole load of stories to make himself look like a victim and for her to feel sorry for him."

    Wouldn't it therefore be rather likely that he does the same thing in reverse; telling his wife a load of stories to make himself look like a victim so that she feels sorry for him and is therefore more likely to forgive him and direct her anger at the OW?

    Actually, yes, you're spot on.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
  • **Patty**
    **Patty** Posts: 1,385 Forumite
    I see we're now over 300 posts so i'll keep mine nice & simple.


    You will find it almost impossible to move on until you stop laying all the blame at the OW's feet.

    Your husband is the one more at fault than anyone else.



    I'm done:D
    Autism Mum Survival Kit: Duct tape, Polyfilla, WD40, Batteries (lots of),various chargers, vats of coffee, bacon & wine. :)
  • fluffnutter
    fluffnutter Posts: 23,179 Forumite
    Welshwoofs wrote: »
    If she is that unstable....

    The Op said here:
    "he told her a whole load of stories to make himself look like a victim and for her to feel sorry for him."

    Wouldn't it therefore be rather likely that he does the same thing in reverse; telling his wife a load of stories to make himself look like a victim so that she feels sorry for him and is therefore more likely to forgive him and direct her anger at the OW?

    If someone can have an affair as damaging as this, I expect they'll find lying second-nature tbh. That's a cynical view perhaps, but I can't see how anyone who's unfaithful can ever be classed as 'honest'.
    "Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell" - Edward Abbey.
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