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mangomangotree wrote: »Maybe you and your husband should grow up and get over yourselves. The baby did not ever ask to be born. She didn't ask for a loser of a father who doesn't want anything to do with her for something that is not her fault at all. Then you sit there wallowing in yourself, and for you forget that the only true victim in all this is an innocent baby. Sounds like you and your husband belong together. It makes me so angry that people act the way you and him, you can't throw away a child like a piece of garbage. :mad:
What an awful thing to say to someone who's done nothing wrong; you should be ashamed of yourself.0 -
well then just get on with it, doesnt matter what anyone else says, you have made your choice, he has made his, suck it up and get on with it, move on together and play happy families because this is what you so desperately want, this is what you want to hear, this is what you want someone to say, pat you on the back and tell you it will all be ok.
Truth is it wont, this will come and bite both of you on the a s s at some point whether it be now or 20 year later, you will be spending the rest of your days waiting for it to happen, that 'other child' will always be at the back of yours and his mind, emotional attachment or not. Jstify it however you want but that baby does not deserve the treatment she is getting from her dad, serves the OW right your saying, well what about the baby? Yes its not really your responsibility is it, your loyalties lie wt your own child, but the same cant be said about your husband and that why everyone is pcking you up on him, and I think your getting so !!!!ed off about people picking you up on it because deep down you now that is true and that is why you are struggling so much, thats always gonna be there so as I said earlier you can either all 3 of you deal with it like adults and work with the best intentions for BOTH children or carry on trying to play happy families with just you, hubby and your daughter and face the consequences of a massive fallout out later, and you struggling to move on.
You posted on here because you were struggling to deal with the other baby, well you got responses, you didnt like most of them, but they were honest answers, you dont have to accept them as fact or take them to heart, we are strangers on the internet we will interpret it from whatever you write, but you know your husband best, but the fact your on here asking strangers how to cope instead of your own husband speak volumes to me.....................0 -
alias*alibi wrote: »To those wondering what my child thinks? She knows. Before me and my husband got back together again she had a breakdown asking why daddy was having another daughter, she was daddy's daughter and why wasn't she enough.
Not content with abandoning one child, he's seemingly happy to cause the other one to have a 'breakdown'.
And you think he doesn't need to 'face up to his responsibilities'?"Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell" - Edward Abbey.0 -
:Tmangomangotree wrote: »Maybe you and your husband should grow up and get over yourselves. The baby did not ever ask to be born. She didn't ask for a loser of a father who doesn't want anything to do with her for something that is not her fault at all. Then you sit there wallowing in yourself, and for you forget that the only true victim in all this is an innocent baby. Sounds like you and your husband belong together. It makes me so angry that people act the way you and him, you can't throw away a child like a piece of garbage. :mad:
Lol; lovely response. Blame the OW for also bringing an unwanted baby into the world too then. Oh no, of course you wouldn't because she is the wronged poor destitute woman now left holding the baby. Tough.
Charming how I'm the victim but I get flamed.0 -
fluffnutter wrote: »Not content with abandoning one child, he's seemingly happy to cause the other one to have a 'breakdown'.
And you think he doesn't need to 'face up to his responsibilities'?
Erm, the breakdown is what made us get our !!!!!! together for our daughters mental health.
Not really interested in hearing any more husband bashing. Until YOU have been in this situation then you have no idea. I bet you wouldn't lovingly welcome your husbands lovechild into your family with open arms either! You're all good at the talk; I'd like to see you walk the walk in this situation.0 -
I feel very sorry for this other child. A mother that appears to be consumed with hatred, and a father who wants nothing to do with it. Poor child didn't ask to be born
However, OP, the answer to how to cope better is as follows:
- Seek relationship counselling both as a couple, and separately to figure out IF you are able to move forward as a couple and what you both need from each other in order to be able to do that (nothing anyone says on here will be as helpful as this I feel)
- Continue struggling as you are, until the atmosphere becomes so unbearable at home that either you end up having a breakdown, or your husband cheats/walks again, or both
- End the relationship, because you are unable to cope with the fact that this other child exists. There is no shame in that, even if you thought you could cope before, doesn't mean you can't hold your hands up and say 'I was wrong. I can't cope.'February wins: Theatre tickets0 -
alias*alibi wrote: »Erm, the breakdown is what made us get our !!!!!! together for our daughters mental health.
Not really interested in hearing any more husband bashing. Until YOU have been in this situation then you have no idea. I bet you wouldn't lovingly welcome your husbands lovechild into your family with open arms either! You're all good at the talk; I'd like to see you walk the walk in this situation.
I agree with you completely. Forgiving a husband's infidelity is hard enough without having to play the martyr for the rest of your life.
I hope that you carry on the fight for your marriage and your family and I hope that your husband appreciates you.0 -
It's very easy to blame the other woman, but the real question is will you ever believe anything he ever says now? If he has admiitted to all the lies he may have told the OW ( eg "My wife and I live seperate lives in the same house, we only stay together for the child's sake, we don't have sex...the marriage is over in all but name " you know the type of lie I'm sure) then just maybe it will work out in the future... but if he too is shifting the 'blame' on the OW...I don't believe it will work.This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com0
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alias*alibi wrote: »:T
Lol; lovely response. Blame the OW for also bringing an unwanted baby into the world too then. Oh no, course not because she is the wronged poor destitute woman now left holding the baby. Tough.
Perhaps this baby is very much wanted. You do realise this other woman is just as protective of her child as you are over your own. To her and her family this child's far more important than yours because it's theirs. Yours doesn't suddenly get the 'more important prize' just because it was the one born in wedlock.
I guess it's difficult but why can't you separate your anger about this woman and your husband (although to be honest you don't seem that cross with him any more) from feelings about a child - who is totally innocent in all this."Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell" - Edward Abbey.0 -
Oldernotwiser wrote: »What an awful thing to say to someone who's done nothing wrong; you should be ashamed of yourself.
Dont sweat it Olderbutwiser. They can all voice their opinions and have a pop sat in their cost uncomplicated lives but put them in this situation most would crumble and do the exact opposite of what they have posted. It must feel extremely fulfilling being so self righteous on the end of a keyboard.0
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