MODS - please delete thread

fannyanna

fluffnutter wrote: »

Staggeringly inhumane answer. What did that child ever do to deserve being 'less important'? Shocking.

Nothing at all.

And I agree that from the childs perspective it's horrible and not fair.

But from the OP's perspective it's horrible and not fair too.

That was my point. As someone else has since said whatever happens next there is going to be more than one loser. It's only human to not want to be that person.

alias*alibi

Person_one wrote: »

He was in a relationship with this woman right up until near the end of the pregnancy, they left their spouses for each other and were together.

By the time he went back to his wife it was far too late for her to decide not to become a mother.

Ok, let's get one thing straight. He told her he wanted no more children. When OW found out she was pregnant she asked if it would ruin their 'relationship' and my husband replied with 'I don't know' but knew deep down inside it signalled the end. Also the OW claimed she only became pregnant after having to stop taking the pill due to a condition and that she didn't initially want the baby but is catholic (only when it suits it seems) and stood by her religion. The baby WASNT WANTED by either of them; she knew he didn't want anymore children, it was HER CHOICE to keep the pregnancy going, my husband had no say in it. So why should he man up, step up to 'his responsibilities' towards a child he didn't want, hasn't seen and has no emotional connection with? He was a sperm donor, simple as. He is supporting the baby financially but his emotional ties are with me and our child. My own father walked out on me when I was about a year old, i have never seen his since, he has fathered more kids and never paid my mum a penny. So quantumleap I have been in your shoes but if o feel this is a reason I feel my husband should 'man up' and take his responsibilities seriously then sorry to disappoint you.

As this has turned in to a bash my husband thread and let's all feel sorry for the OW who let's not forget helped to make my life a living hell (and pretty much I believe deserves all she gets; act like dirt get treated like dirt), I am now dipping out of the thread.

Many thanks to Cheepskate, Fannyanna, Whitewing, Tadaa and Kay Peel. Youre compassion towards me is much appreciated. X

jackomk

OP....I have sent you a PM x

DeeDee74

op i really do feel bad your husband cheated got another woman pregnant and has a child.
you wana know how to forget,move on?
u got to except that he cheated he has a child u cant change that u choose to forgive him and take him back. sorry he isent the innocent party you and your child are.
not wanting anything to do with HIS own child .....spinless is what he is, what if he had stayed with the other woman and there child and cut of YOUR daughter, cause it was the easy option..... how would u feel.

DanE2010

regardless of whether he wanted the baby or not he went swimming without a wetsuit so he is also responsible for the child and it makes me sick when I hear people make excuses like you just have.

The 2 most important people in this situation are those 2 little girls, one is no more important than the other, both are now gonna be effected from the fallout from this but it could be turned around if all 3 of you grow up and start putting them first instead of your own feelings and bitterness towards each other.

You may not like that answer, it may hit a nerve, you may disagree totally, but that is the truth and the crux of the matter. Either you learn to deal with it or dont and carry on struggling, but it wont go away by igoring the other baby, and you can make excuses for your husband all you like and blame the OW all u llike if it makes you feel better, but that doesnt help the 2 children does it?

All 3 of you grow up and sort it out like adults or face the fallout when those children are older, all 3 of you arrying on like you you currently are, are setting yourselves up for a life of misery, let it go its happend the only thing you can controll is the future, just make sure its a happy one for the kids because they are the two most important people in this sorry mess.

alias*alibi

DeeDee74 wrote: »

op i really do feel bad your husband cheated got another woman pregnant and has a child.
you wana know how to forget,move on?
u got to except that he cheated he has a child u cant change that u choose to forgive him and take him back. sorry he isent the innocent party you and your child are.
not wanting anything to do with HIS own child .....spinless is what he is, what if he had stayed with the other woman and there child and cut of YOUR daughter, cause it was the easy option..... how would u feel.

Quite simply; if I'd had an affair with a married man who said he didn't want kids and I went ahead with the pregnancy knowing that then I'd expect to be treated exactly the same.

Still; I have morals and wouldn't had got myself in that situation in the first place!

Welshwoofs

alias*alibi wrote: »

Ok, let's get one thing straight. He told her he wanted no more children.

Also the OW claimed she only became pregnant after having to stop taking the pill due to a condition

The baby WASNT WANTED by either of them;

Not being funny Op - but other than the fact that if you're not on contraception the result is likely to be pregnancy, there's also the fact that condoms are the only barrier to STDs......as he was having an affair, he was presumably having sex with you and the OW at the same time. Even if he didn't consider pregnancy likely, what about the possibility of passing a sexually transmitted disease on to you?

I hope you got yourself tested when you found out about all of this, especially since some STDs don't have obvious symptoms.

You have none of the blame for this situation, but equally you can't lump all the blame for this baby on the OW - it's a 50/50 deal with your OH.

Taadaa

The woman has said she is bowing out of this thread because of the husband bashing but still some of you are persisting? Jees.....! She doesn't have to explain her actions to any of us; she wanted advice and support on how to cope, not widespread condemnation. If you don't have anything constructive to offer in relation to what she is asking, politely move along.

cheepskate_2

I think this is all very well theretically, but in real life it is not as simple. Text book results have no feelings attached

For a start the ow would need to also see it the same way, probably not a cats hell in chance at the moment.

I always hate the way women shout for equality in everything, yet there is no equality for a man when it comes to a child-

Oldernotwiser

fluffnutter wrote: »

So is the child who just (luckily) happens to be a product of his marriage more important than the child who isn't?

Neither child's got any say in when, how and why they were born. The idea that one gets to play happy families and the other doesn't is pretty abhorrent in my book.

The child of the marriage should be more important to the OP's husband than the child of the affair. That seems obvious to me.

I hope that the other child does have a happy family but the birth father shouldn't have to be part of it.