MODS - please delete thread

fannyanna

Person_one wrote: »

He was in a relationship with this woman right up until near the end of the pregnancy, they left their spouses for each other and were together.

By the time he went back to his wife it was far too late for her to decide not to become a mother.

And some would probably call that kharma

vroombroom

Person_one wrote: »

What did it make you think about your dad?

it made me think he is an absolute spineless ****. He got another woman pregnant the same time my mam was pregnant, chose to have nothing to do with the lad, then did the same a few years ago. He then left and blamed all 4 of us (the two boys, plus me and my 'full' brother) and its one of the reasons I no longer speak to him.

My father sounds very much like the OP's husband - that everything that has happened is not his fault, its everyone elses' and I really hope for her daughter's sake, she can stay strong and do the right thing x

Oldernotwiser

Mojisola wrote: »

Yes, you're right. I wonder how it will affect her knowing that her father has rejected her sibling? It could create a lot of anxiety as to whether he will do the same to her.

"Rejection" is an emotive word which I find inappropriate in this situation.

Person_one

fannyanna wrote: »

And some would probably call that kharma

Motherhood as punishment? Poor kid.

fannyanna

Person_one wrote: »

Motherhood as punishment? Poor kid.

I didn't mean it like that.

It's not going to be easy for this OW. She's left her husband to shack up with another married man and he in turn has impregnated her and gone back to his wife. Now she's faced with this man not wanting anything to do with her or the child. She's faced with raising this child solely by herself. That's pretty sh*t. I know I would not like to be in that position. However, she might find sympathy hard to come by because of the circumstances leading up to her current situation.

Don't get me wrong I do feel for this child. As everyone has rightly pointed out the child has done nothing wrong. However, I don't think OP should be made to feel bad as it's not her problem and as per my post earlier I often struggle to jump on the "it's all the man's fault" bandwagon.

quantumleap

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

"Rejection" is an emotive word which I find inappropriate in this situation.

Why is rejection not a suitable definition in this case?

4Chickens

I have finally caught up with this thread and my thoughts are this:

You can't change what has happened and you can't make it go away so you HAVE to deal with it. However, it doesn't mean to say that you can't have a Plan B.

You clearly still love your husband and want him in your life so you will have to try has hard as you can to come to terms with every hurdle and event that this situation is going to bring you in the future. Some sort of counsellor may be the way to go in order to deal with this because you should never bottle it up nor vent it in anger. You will be able to speak your mind and allow your feelings to come to the surface without making the situation any worse than it already is, albeit this situation is not of your making. Don't look too far into the future, you will find it very daunting, deal with things one day at a time. If it doesn't work out then at least you will have given it your best shot.
Having a Plan B is what I think will help you suceed. And by a Plan B, I mean an exit strategy. Make sure you are financially secure and that you have all/any documentation together in a safe place. So that when times get tough, and they will, at least if you stay to fight another day or leave, it will be YOUR choice. Plan B allows you to feel that you do have choices.
I know that this all sounds a bit vague but I wish you well for the future and hope that you find happiness.

Person_one

fannyanna wrote: »

Don't get me wrong I do feel for this child. As everyone has rightly pointed out the child has done nothing wrong. However, I don't think OP should be made to feel bad as it's not her problem and as per my post earlier I often struggle to jump on the "it's all the man's fault" bandwagon.

Unfortunately the whole point of this thread is that it IS her problem, its not her fault, but it is something she's having to deal with. Pretending the child doesn't exist and hoping it all goes away is no solution, it won't.

fannyanna

Person_one wrote: »

Unfortunately the whole point of this thread is that it IS her problem, its not her fault, but it is something she's having to deal with. Pretending the child doesn't exist and hoping it all goes away is no solution, it won't.

Perhaps the word I was looking for was "responsibility".

Of course it's a problem for her and it's causing her a great deal of distress (as I'm sure it would to most of us if we were in her position).

However, she is not responsible for this child and should not be made to feel that she should make considerations for this child. In my opinion (and it is just that and of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion even if it's different from mine ) it's wrong to call this woman selfish because she is putting the wants and needs of herself and her child over this other child. In that respect it's simply not her problem what impact it has on the other child.

fluffnutter

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I'm going to stand out from the majority and say that I admire the OP for being able to forgive her husband and to put her marriage and family's future before her personal feelings.

I also disagree that there's any reason for her to have to play happy families with the child of his infidelity or that he should feel bound to do anything that will further jeopardise his marriage.

Of course he should contribute financially to this other child but I think that this is where it should end. I don't see any reason for him to have an ongoing relationship with the baby and particularly not as it upsets his wife. He's done enough to hurt her already and this should be where his responsibilities lie.

His wife, his marriage and their child must come first.

So is the child who just (luckily) happens to be a product of his marriage more important than the child who isn't?

Neither child's got any say in when, how and why they were born. The idea that one gets to play happy families and the other doesn't is pretty abhorrent in my book.