MODS - please delete thread

cheepskate_2

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I'm going to stand out from the majority and say that I admire the OP for being able to forgive her husband and to put her marriage and family's future before her personal feelings.

I also disagree that there's any reason for her to have to play happy families with the child of his infidelity or that he should feel bound to do anything that will further jeopardise his marriage.

Of course he should contribute financially to this other child but I think that this is where it should end. I don't see any reason for him to have an ongoing relationship with the baby and particularly not as it upsets his wife. He's done enough to hurt her already and this should be where his responsibilities lie.

His wife, his marriage and their child must come first.

Totally agree with this.....

quantumleap

cheepskate wrote: »

Totally agree with this.....

No issue with the idea that his wife and first child should come first. However I disagree with the notion that its fine for his responsibility to his other child to be nothing other than financial.

My views on why I feel this is the case are well documented on this thread so I'll not repeat them.

Taadaa

cheepskate wrote: »

Totally agree with this.....

Me too. He needs to step up and make things right again - you havge done your bit by taking him back. Now it's his turn.

Mojisola

peachyprice wrote: »

While they can decide they want nothing to do with this child, they also need to discuss how they are going to cope in years to come with the uncertainty and with the deceit they will have inflicted on their own child.

These things have ripples that spread out and out. If A*A's husband's other child is to be hidden and ignored, just how will her half-sister take it when she eventually finds out? What will she think of her parents? What effect will it have on her relationship with them?

fannyanna

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I'm going to stand out from the majority and say that I admire the OP for being able to forgive her husband and to put her marriage and family's future before her personal feelings.

I also disagree that there's any reason for her to have to play happy families with the child of his infidelity or that he should feel bound to do anything that will further jeopardise his marriage.

Of course he should contribute financially to this other child but I think that this is where it should end. I don't see any reason for him to have an ongoing relationship with the baby and particularly not as it upsets his wife. He's done enough to hurt her already and this should be where his responsibilities lie.

His wife, his marriage and their child must come first.

I must confess I have to agree with this too.

When a man becomes a Father though a mistake rather than a choice I don't think it should come as that much of a shock if and when he doesn't want anything to do with the child.

A woman can control whether she becomes a Mother after a mistake. A man can't. His decision is then based on whether or not he has anything to do with that child.

My opinion is of course different where a man walks out on a child that he planned to have.

Taadaa

If I read the OPs first post correctly, the child from the marriage already knows about the other child and is very distressed by it.

Mojisola

Taadaa wrote: »

If I read the OPs first post correctly, the child from the marriage already knows about the other child and is very distressed by it.

Yes, you're right. I wonder how it will affect her knowing that her father has rejected her sibling? It could create a lot of anxiety as to whether he will do the same to her.

vroombroom

My dad rejected my two half brothers, it didnt really cause me any harm. I have never met either of them and have no desire to x

Person_one

fannyanna wrote: »

I must confess I have to agree with this too.

When a man becomes a Father though a mistake rather than a choice I don't think it should come as that much of a shock if and when he doesn't want anything to do with the child.

A woman can control whether she becomes a Mother after a mistake. A man can't. His decision is then based on whether or not he has anything to do with that child.

My opinion is of course different where a man walks out on a child that he planned to have.

He was in a relationship with this woman right up until near the end of the pregnancy, they left their spouses for each other and were together.

By the time he went back to his wife it was far too late for her to decide not to become a mother.

Person_one

vroombroom wrote: »

My dad rejected my two half brothers, it didnt really cause me any harm. I have never met either of them and have no desire to x

What did it make you think about your dad?