MODS - please delete thread

Welshwoofs

alias*alibi wrote: »

I asked how do I move on and cope with the reminders. It's the majority of posters on here who have delved deeper into what happened; not me. I've accepted the affair, I am back withmy husband. I just need to move forward from the reminders.

You can't move forward from the reminders because the reminders will always be there in the shape of a living, breathing child.

All you can do is learn how to cope with them and hope that one day they don't upset you as much as they do now. If they do continue to upset you months and years down the line then the reality is that you'll have chosen that path and will have to accept that level of unhappiness in your life.

Not a lot else to say really is there. Good luck.

MoreOn

Welshwoofs wrote: »

The Op is not her husband and it's perfectly possible to feel sympathy for her situation whilst condemning his actions towards his child.

If all she wants to hear is platitudes that her husband's probably a really nice, upstanding guy she's probably better of just talking to him as I'm sure he'll be more than happy to paper over the cracks and paint himself in the best light.

Or alternatively some people could jog on..

Person_one

alias*alibi wrote: »

Ok, going to keep this short. I actually DIDNT ask for opinions on the OW, my husband or the baby. I asked how do I move on and cope with the reminders. It's the majority of posters on here who have delved deeper into what happened; not me. I've accepted the affair, I am back withmy husband. I just need to move forward from the reminders. I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE MY HUSBAND just because the majority think I should! That would make me look an utter idiot and someone who doesn't know their own mind or emotions.

If you do leave your husband, of course it wouldn't be because of our opinions!

However, please please don't make the mistake of staying with somebody out of stubbornness, or because you feel you have to stick to a decision. Its ok to say, actually, I got it wrong and I can't trust you.

I've stayed in a relationship for far far too long because I didn't want to admit I'd got it wrong, I was a fool, having trusted the wrong man in the first doesn't say anything about you, staying with him after you know he can't be trusted might.

Please don't think anybody here is out to hurt you or wreck your marriage, after all you're just a username to us. Most of us just see a picture of a person in an awful situation who seems deeply unhappy and hope to be able to offer an uninvolved outsider opinion a that's the one thing you can't get in real life.

meritaten

alias*alibi wrote: »

Ok, going to keep this short. I actually DIDNT ask for opinions on the OW, my husband or the baby. I asked how do I move on and cope with the reminders. It's the majority of posters on here who have delved deeper into what happened; not me. I've accepted the affair, I am back withmy husband. I just need to move forward from the reminders. I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE MY HUSBAND just because the majority think I should! That would make me look an utter idiot and someone who doesn't know their own mind or emotions.

so what advice do you think we should have given? I am NOT being facetious. I want to know - you posted and there has been a lot of controversy - you have defended OH strongly - so, yes you are standing by him. thats your choice. thats your decision and you have already made it.
So What do you think we could advise you on?
How to forget what happened?
How to forgive?
How to WHAT? to deal with OW? you just said above its not about her - or the baby or OH. Whats left?
YOUR FEELINGS - well hun, I cannot advise you on those. Your feelings are how YOU feel. obviously you feel confused, you say you are having counselling - that will help you explore your feelings.
The one thing I will say - counselling is a waste of time UNLESS you are brutally honest about your feelings - even if you feel it doesnt put you in a good light. be honest - your counsellor wont judge you. its ok to tell how you REALLY feel! its ok to let go of the anger and its Ok to not be politically correct! or to pretend to be ok when you arent!

whitewing

I don't get why you can't give the husband some space to get his head round the fact that he has a child outside his marriage. The baby is only a few weeks so it has hardly been abandoned. I don't think that men get too involved in pregnancy like a woman does so it would be perfectly understandable that the reality of the baby only hit him recently. I think you are far too quick to judge him.

peachyprice

alias*alibi wrote: »

I wonder if anybody might be able to give me some advice to move . But obviously the CSA are going to be around for many many years and will serve as a constant reminder of what happened and I wonder if I am strong enough to deal with it.

Sorry to be blunt, you are obviously hurting, but the CSA being around for many years is the last thing you need to be considering. This woman and her/your husbands daughter are going to be areound FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

He can't just brush this baby under the carpet as if she were never born, you are both being naive in the extreme if you believe this is possible and you never should have agreed to take him back if you cannot accept this.

The only way that you are going to 'move on' and 'deal with the constant reminders' is to accept you've made the decision to keep your OH and his daughter in your life. This child isn't going to disappear, no matter how much you don't want to be reminded of the affair or of the fact your OH got this woman pregnant. If you cannot cope with this you need to serioulsy re-evaluate whether you took your OH back for the right reasons.

Oldernotwiser

I've been quite shocked by the majority of people on this thread and their insistence that their way is the only way.

OP, I hope that you can genuinely forgive your husband for what he's done; this seems to me to be more important to your future together than whether you can forget.

Welshwoofs

MoreOn wrote: »

Or alternatively some people could jog on..

You'll find there's a handy 'ignore' feature on these forums if what I write is too proving too onerous for you to bear.

MoreOn

Welshwoofs wrote: »

You'll find there's a handy 'ignore' feature on these forums if what I write is too proving too onerous for you to bear.

nah, sometimes if you can't follow what is asked YOU need to have the moral decency to leave...

Taadaa

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I've been quite shocked by the majority of people on this thread and their insistence that their way is the only way.

OP, I hope that you can genuinely forgive your husband for what he's done; this seems to me to be more important to your future together than whether you can forget.

This is really common on this board for some reason :eek: Everyone needs to calm down a bit :cool: and stop poking each other with big sticks :rotfl: