MODS - please delete thread

alias*alibi

MODS - I have emailed you already but please delete this thread.

Person_one

Sorry, the baby is their daughter, and his daughter.

I think you should cut and run, you appear to be married to a man who has affairs, has unprotected sex with his mistresses, fathers children and then ignores them as if they weren't human beings he created and is responsible for, and has proven himself completely untrustworthy to everyone he's ever made a promise to by the sounds of it.

Doesn't really matter what your reasons for taking him back are, they can't possibly be as compelling as all the reasons why you should be putting his stuff on the lawn in bin bags, and the mother of his daughter would be a fool if she took him in.

pinkclouds

This is obviously a very difficult situation and I am sorry for your discomfort.

The only brief points I can make, as an outsider without personal experience, is that the baby *is* your husband's daughter whether or not he chooses to acknowledge her and this will be a link (from the child and the child's mother) to your husband until he dies. If you are going to move forwards from this, you must realise that it will always be in the background for the rest of your marriage - and, if you have children with your husband, until you die (as you will be linked to this child and this child's mother via the children of yourself and your husband).

I fully realise you may not wish to acknowledge the above points but they are a matter of fact. Severing contact with any parties concerned will not delete the existence of these facts. All you can change is how you deal with them. I wish you a... satisfactory conclusion.

RichGold

He doesn't want to know his own daughter???? !!!!!!???

He sounds like a real champion, I'd do my best to hang on to him.

gratefulforhelp_2

Hugs, I'm very sorry for your difficulties.

You are unlikely to ever get around the fact that he has a child with another woman, refusing to have anything to do with an innocent child is pretty crappy, frankly.

Would you not feel better if you either left him, or supported him in doing the right thing?

clearingout

seriously, why? why take him back? he has betrayed you and he's prepared to 'dump' a new born baby for you? what sort of man does that?

He may have made a genuine mistake and if that's the case, it makes the baby a 'victim' of circumstance. Why abandon her? It's not her fault?

I have been in a similar situation - my ex left me pregnant for another woman. I made an early decision to keep my dignity but I can fully understand where this woman is coming from. He needs to face up to his responsibilities and these go way deeper and further than you are imagining at the current time.

If HE wants to save your marriage, he needs to start communicating. I should suggest the only thing that will help save this situation is some good counselling. Try Relate as a starting point.

And start walking a mile in the other woman's shoes....

meritaten

You made the decision to take him back knowing THIS would happen. He has a daughter and TBH it does NOT reflect well on him that he does not want a relationship with her. Perhaps this is what the 'harrassment' is about. Not the money, she just wants her daughter to know her dad.
I dont want to judge you hun, but if your OH had fathered a daughter before you met, wouldn't you have tried to foster the relationship? I understand that its painful for YOU - its also painful for the OW and its beyond painful for a little girl who has been rejected by her father!

whitewing

What a horrible shame for you.

Maybe go to your GP, and see if you can get some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to help you deal with the CSA etc. I understand you boiling up, so this may help you handle the things you cannot change.

Do you have children? Is that why you are staying? Is he not seeing his daughter because it would upset you too much? Or are you having trouble conceiving yourself? It may help you a little to give a bit more background as there is a wealth of experience on this board which may help you cope and make better longer term decisions for your whole family (inc the innocent baby).

RonniesMummy

I couldnt read and run,
but seriously OP you need to think long and hard if this marriage is worth having - you will be stuck in this situation for as long as you stay with him. Ive been in similar situations with an ex who cheated, I cant say it was the same situation i dont know your hubby, but my ex was a real idiot, made me feel i would never be able to get anyone else. etc.
That said if you really want marriage to work - maybe think into marriage counselling ?

Big hugs from me hun, your worth more than this xx

alias*alibi

We have our own child together and that is the reason why I took him back. So yes, I have walked that mile in the OW's shoes myself a year ago when she was merrily having sex with my husband.

I have asked him about whether it would be appropriate to try to bond with the other baby as effectively it is our child's half sister; but he doesn't think it would work. And to be honest the OW has made it pretty damn clear she wants me no where near her daughter, although when the boot was on the other foot last year when I didn't want her anywhere near my child she called me demented. The OW has told me I am not allowed anywhere near her child ever; so forging a relationship is well out of the question at the moment.

I don't know what to do. I'm torn. Yes, i took him back knowing all of this but its harder than I thought it would be.

Also when we collected some of his belongings from her house a bout a month ago, I was purely the driver of the car and she went loopy as I was on her 'property' (car parked half on pavement have on her drive) and she called 999 and we had the police turn up sirens blaring and lights flashing. Too much drama for my liking.

Valli

Have you actually told your husband how hard you are finding all this? I would strongly recommend you attend counselling together; your husband needs to know how hard this is for you.

(Oh and don't keep rabbits;) Hell hath no fury and all that!)

ETA Hang on - he was 'partly' living with her? You drove him to collect his belongings from hers? Is he REALLY worth keeping?

I have a sharp knife you can have;)