I Have Messed Up My Life Bigtime

Tr@cker

I sincerely hope you are cured of the gambling. Contrary to what some people on here think i dont want gambling banned-i DO want protection for vulnerable people like yourself. Dispatches will be a worthwhile view tommorow night on the growing problems with on-line gambling and how this LABOUR government are stooping to ever-lower ways of raising revenues.
Regulation is necessary because make no mistake, the mercenaries who run these joints dont give a sh*t who they take the money from.

Toto

Hi MU,

I too am really sorry to hear about all you have been through. You need to start seeing things from a different perspective. Try to imagine someone else writing your story and how you would read it, how would you feel? I don't doubt for a second you would be thinking what an amazingly strong woman that person was for surviving that kind of trauma and still be fighting. I really doubt for one second you would think that person had messed up, or was any of the names you used for yourself. You are a survivor and you are incredibly strong and you will get through this, after what you have dealt with this part is easy.

I do think you need a little guidance right now to help you to see the way forward. I know when I was right at the beginning of my debt journey I was terrified, I didn't have a clue where to begin, it was all too much of a mess. I let the people here hold my hand and guide me, I read their advice and put my trust in their wisdom.

Personally I think going to the CCCS or payplan would be the best thing for you to do. I know that in itself is really hard, I was truly frightened to make that call, I don't know what I thought would happen, I guess I was scared of them judging me, after all, the only conversations I had had with organisations up to that point was with my creditors and those chats weren't nice. I also didn't want to hold my hands up and say... I have failed please sort out my mess because I can't cope with it. The funny thing was, in the end that's exactly what I did say. The lady who spoke to me was lovely, she reminded me that they take calls from ordinary people every minute of every day, they were really caring and kind. When I came off the phone I felt as if I had lost 2 stone, it was fantastic to hand all of my debt worries to someone else, it was like passing ownership. They helped me to sort out a budget and said they would write to all of my creditors for me, all I had to do was pay them the agreed amount and keep in touch, if I had any letters they should all be sent to payplan unopened if I couldn't face them.

Please have a think about making that call, it will free up your mind so you can worry about getting yourself back on track again. The evil that took your child has won enough, you can't let it rob you of anything else, you must find some happiness again and live a life your daughter would wish for you. You know she lives on in your heart and is always with you, she never leaves your side, let the love you feel for her heal you and guide you to a happy peaceful future.

SunderlandBlackCat

messedup wrote:

my partner knows. If I go cccs will it be put on credit rating. my aprs range from 16 to 18

CCCS will be able to tell you what your options are based on your circumstances & what the results of taking any of those options may be. Which of those options you choose will decide whether your credit rating is affected. To be honest though unless you are planning to take out another debt within the next 6 years having a bad credit rating isn't really an issue as you having a bad credit rating has no effect on your partners credit rating.

CCCS can also send you templates of letters to send to your creditors asking to freeze interest etc.

Skint_Catt

SunderlandBlackCat wrote:

CCCS can also send you templates of letters to send to your creditors asking to freeze interest etc.

Now THAT sounds like a good idea!!!!

Sorry to hear your story Messed Up, but we're all here to help and it will get better albeit slowly.

Hugs

S_C

moonlightpjs

Hello MessedUp,

I really don't know what to say (the others have said all wise words) your story made me cry. Just please don't ever feel you are useless etc etc.

Speaking from experience, the kind, lovely people have made my life seem like its worth living - though I hadn't gone through what you have- I don't know how I'd live if I lost a child - I felt sucicidal a couple of months ago and felt like I had let my husband and children down but when I really thought about it, if I did end my life, who would watch my kids? Make sure they ate properly, had clean clothes etc. Would whoever looked after them do it the way I would? NO!!!!! I am the best person for my kids, whatever my shortcomings etc. I faced up to my problems- just have you have done and finally it all started getting back in place. I sometimes feel like a baby who is learning to walk, every small step I take makes me feel like I've achieved something and the more steps I take, the more I've achieved. I would be lost without thi site because even if i don;t post, I read the threads and realise that I'm not the only one!!!

Everyone on here is wonderful and supportive and we will all help you get through each stage you have to take, don't be afraid, see your GP and keep posting, even its only to say "I'm still here"

Gambling isn't just an addiction - it is an illness, just like being an alcholic, a drug user, mental health problems etc etc and you really need to seek help regarding this. When you get the help you will slowly be able to see everything in a different light and the better you get, the more you can sort things out. You did what you felt you had to do to get through the days at that time, nobody can blame you for that, there are a lot worse things you could have done!! It doesn't make you useless or a bad person, it makes you human.

Moneys not the be all and end all - we just get used to having it!!!! Unfortuntaley for a lot of us, spending money makes us feel better until it suddenly hits you then you panic. Your health is much more important than debts and having a supportive family is wonderful, make the most of them. I'm sure you and we can get you sorted but I think the first port of call has got to be to your GP or even the Samaritions - there is help out there.

You have been and probably still are going through a horrific time and I admire you so much. None of us could begin to imagine what it is like to lose a child, my heart goes out to you. It takes guts to post on here but you have made the first step.
Thinking of you and sending you love and hugs.
I look forward to reading your next post so do keep posting.
Lisa xxxx

messedup_3

thankyou for all your replys. I am sorry to have upset so many of you.
My debts are on my head all day, I used to avoid any kind of debt but this state of mind I have had has dragged me into that many dark corners, I have started to get cross with it.
I really want to get a grip on life , but I will never be the person I was and the only time I can be someone I wouldnt be otherwise is at work.

Anyway I have just got in from work..... its hard carrying all these secrets around dont you find...nobody would guess what I have done!

I am going to focus on paying it drip drip drip for now.... I am not a materialistic person and so therefore I dont overspend...

Can anyone tell me if the bank will continue the overdraft once the twelve months is up.... as soon as the overdrafts are clear I am ditching them, they have we are responsible lenders slashed all over their online banking....etc....I dread to think of anyone else doing what I have done....

I am not too sure how I will get on...the interest will no doubt crucify me mentally...if it does then I will phone payplan.....Thankyou so much to all of you..

beanielou

One word of advice messed up.
Why dont you try to open a new bank account away from Lloyds TSB and get your wages paid in there.This is just a safeguard for you in case at any point you should get any bother from them(not saying that you will).
Take lots of care
Lou x

moonlightpjs

messedup wrote:

thankyou for all your replys. I am sorry to have upset so many of you.
My debts are on my head all day, I used to avoid any kind of debt but this state of mind I have had has dragged me into that many dark corners, I have started to get cross with it.
I really want to get a grip on life , but I will never be the person I was and the only time I can be someone I wouldnt be otherwise is at work.

Anyway I have just got in from work..... its hard carrying all these secrets around dont you find...nobody would guess what I have done!

I am going to focus on paying it drip drip drip for now.... I am not a materialistic person and so therefore I dont overspend...

Can anyone tell me if the bank will continue the overdraft once the twelve months is up.... as soon as the overdrafts are clear I am ditching them, they have we are responsible lenders slashed all over their online banking....etc....I dread to think of anyone else doing what I have done....

I am not too sure how I will get on...the interest will no doubt crucify me mentally...if it does then I will phone payplan.....Thankyou so much to all of you..

Did they specifically say the OD was for 12 months only, if not then I wouldn't worry too much - I would imagine it will just be on your account until you pay it off or request they remove it - though I may be wrong so anybody feel free to correct me???

I would echo beanielou's comments and try to open another bank account for your wages etc then you know exactly how much money you have each month for instance, also if you are going to enter a DMP or make arrangements with your creditors its best to open an account with somebody you don't have a debt with and to do it before you make arrangements, ie; while your credit history is still ok. Then you could just treat the OD as another of your debts and make arrangements to repay it along with the others when you feel ready to do that.

By the way, YOU HAVEN'T UPSET ANYONE - please don't think that, we just feel for you and wish there was more we could do for you. You have to tell somebody about it all and isn't it easier to post on here than tell somebody face to face? We all have secrets and none of us is better than another. Thats what this forum is all about - to give help and support where and when needed and thats what we'll continue to do if you let us, no matter what the problem is.

You're part of the family now - so don't go away, no question is too silly, no problem too hard - we'll get it sorted together!!!! If one of us doesn't know the answer there will be 20+ more who do.

Lisa xxx:grouphug:

messedup_3

Thankyou....

I have another account at the Woolwich , I dont use i but can.
On the bottom of my Lloyds statements it tells me OD will be reviewed in August....I think this stresses me the most....but i try and be rational....if they didnt review it I would definitely go payplan and let them know I was .....maybe they would change thier minds if they saw that I was bringing it down..... Facing reality and coming 'to' I just cant understand how a bank would lend 5400 on one over draft and 3500 on another account which I hardly use.... I make no excuse at all though, I am a responsible person and I was so out of character, which is probably why I feel so much hatred towards myself.

Has anyone experienced the online overdraft where nobody checks anything.

Tam

Hi Messedup

I can't add a lot of advice on the finance front I'm afraid, except to say I applaud you for taking responsibility for your debts and your determination to pay them off but there is no shame in declaring yourself bankrupt in the circumstances.

I know you're in a very dark place at the minute but things will get better from now on because in just one post you've suddenly got hundreds of people rooting for you. Day or night MU, just ask, someone will give you a virtual hug:D