I Have Messed Up My Life Bigtime

smokybabe

Hugs to you MU. xxxxxxx


Sweetheart, what you have suffered with your loss is far and away beyond what most of us will ever go through in our lives.
You have coped with it the best way that you could - just as anyone of us would have coped with your circumstances the best way that we could. I for one would probably have drunk myself stupid to even try and handle the grief and loss that you have endured.

You are NOT a bad mother, you are NOT a bad person, you are NOT evil and your sons NEED you.

Others have posted the financial advice for you to follow, I can not add anything to this as it is excellent.

MU. please go and see your G.P. You owe this to yourself and to your OH and sons. Your sons in particular will have been grieving for their sister and need their mum.

I am so glad that you found yourself able to come and look for help, this is a good first step. Keep in touch with us all, whatever the questions and however you are feeling - we will all try and support you in any way that we can.

Much love, Smoky. xxxxxxx

angelavdavis

I agree with the advice given - don't go direct to your bank with your situation details - I am afraid the days of a sympathetic bank manager are long gone. I lost my brother 20 years ago tragically and my parents were fobbed off by the bank they had been with for the whole of their working lives when they asked for a loan to bury him. The bank told my parents to go to a loan shark as they didn't loan money for "such" purposes! The level of callousness was unbelievable!

So, PLEASE go through an organisation such as CCCS who will have the expertise to work with the banks on your behalf and will protect you from any such callousness when you are at your most vulnerable.

You have been strong and seen yourself through this. Don't be ashamed of anything you feel you have done. Put that all behind you now. It is time to look forward, think of your lovely sons and supportive partner. Take a deep breath, grit your teeth and make the phone call to CCCS.

Good luck and remember that everyone on MSE is behind you and ready with any advice or good words you might need on your journey!

hypno06

Hi MU,

As others have said, please don't be afraid to ask for help to deal with the emotional side of things. Not just some sort of bereavement counselling but also specialist counselling for the gambling (even though you have stopped, it would be worth speaking to someone about).

Next, although it may seem impossible to see the end of your money problems, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

See this as a journey which involves many many steps, but each step brings you closer to your destination. You have already taken the biggest and most important step which is coming on here and admitting your problems to yourself. So be proud of that.

I fully understand your wish to repay everything yourself. I am doing the same. For me, bankruptcy or IVA is not an option. Not on a practical level, but on a personal level. It is hard, but it is doable.

However, if the best option for you really is to do this in some other way, please do not see it as being your failure. See it as being a failure of the "system" - the banks giving you more money when you are not in the right frame of mind to make informed decisions, etc etc.

Whatever happens, you did not ask for this situation. No one here will think otherwise. We will all help you as much as we can, both on an emotional level and a practical level.

But please be proud of what you are doing now. By doing this, you are giving yourself and your boys the best future that you can.

HHH_2

What a terrible time you've had but there is light at the end of that horrible dark tunnel. It seems you need to concentrate on two things, firstly your wellbeing and secondly your debt. having said that clearly your debt is worrying you hugely. People on here have recommended CCCS or Payplan. It is difficult to make the first call and everyone who contemplates it feels a failure and hugely guilty BUT afterwards feel so much better for having done something. If you cant face the phone call you can do CCCS online, I was amazed at how easy it was to set up my DMP and my debts are much bigger than yours and I earn less. I contacted my bank just before I got into difficulties and they didnt want to know however after CCCS contacted them they offered me ANOTHER loan. I said no thanks! So you would be better going with the experts and they are lovely people. Your credit rating is the least of your problems. finally try to do one nice thing with your boys each day you deserve it and so do they.xx

WISHIWASRICH_2

Just wanted to offer my sympathy for the terrible time you'regoing through and offer you encouragement that you can get through this....hug those lovely boys of yours and you'll get through this....I know people who have a lot less than you ...Good Luck

less2303

Hi there, firstly you mustnt beat yourself up too much about the situation you find yourself in.

Given the circumstances you have relayed, it is understandable. There a lots of people that find themselves in a similar situation as yours.

As well as all the help and support you can get on here, you can also obtain free and impartial advice from the following organisations (Click on the name and it will take you to the relevant home page):

PayPlan

Consumer Credit Counselling Service

National Debt Line

Citizens Advice Bureaux - please make sure you book your appointment with the specialist money advisor as many of the volunteers don’t have the necessary experience and knowledge.

Hopefully you will find that if you do this and take some positive steps to sort things out, you will begin to feel a whole lot better in yourself.

In the meantime, if you have any questions or concerns, feel free to post them here. There are lots of friendly people who can offer help from both a personal and professional point of view.

It may seem like an insurmountable problem at the moment, but with a few positive steps you will soon see that things arent as bad as you first though.

dancingfairy

I just wanted to say hi :hello: and welcome. You're obviously going through a really bad time right now. What is obvious to us is that you are not a bad person- your reaction is understandable- it's obvious you are still struggling with all the emotions right now. Please go easy on yourself. Whilst I have never experienced what you've had too I know what it's like to feel desperate. I think you need to have a chat with a counsellor still - noone expects you to get over everything quickly and get on with your life as if nothing as happened, also have a chat with your doctor. Things will get better, I promise. You do have options and I wish you good luck rebuilding your life one day and a time with your boys. Keep posting on here - you will find a wealth of advice and support.

Go and have a chat with a debt counselling agency - they can advise you of the options. Just having a chat with them shouldn't wreck your credit record- I doubt they'll do anything without your say so. They can give you impartial advice and help you to make the best decisions for you at this time.

I know you said you want to pay it all back but is this the best idea for you at the moment - you may need to accept that your health is more important at the moment and that by putting pressure on yourself to pay it all back you're putting yourself under more pressure. Whatever you decide to do we'll all still be here for you.

Take things one day at a time. Hugs

dancingfairy

messedup is worried going to payplan/cccs etc will show on her credit file - does anyone know if it does or not? I wouldn't have thought so but someone out there should know.

sonee2405

dancingfairy wrote:

messedup is worried going to payplan/cccs etc will show on her credit file - does anyone know if it does or not? I wouldn't have thought so but someone out there should know.

It shows as arrangement to pay on experian thats all.If you request the specific companys data record then that will have all details of correspondence from payplan.hth

less2303

dancingfairy wrote:

messedup is worried going to payplan/cccs etc will show on her credit file - does anyone know if it does or not? I wouldn't have thought so but someone out there should know.

Nothing will show if she only goes to them for advice though.