I Have Messed Up My Life Bigtime

messedup_3

I have paid no bank charges..I have only had these debts 6 months. I am left with appx 200 a month to clear over draft first...will the bank extend my 12 months in august. I can not get any more credit cards etc. I have self destructed my life. Please can someone tell me if its legal for a bank to lend thta much money online in an over draft.Its almost as much as a loan that I had to apply for. The internet banking just put it in my account

messedup_3

my partner knows. If I go cccs will it be put on credit rating. my aprs range from 16 to 18

Stormybay

Not much to Add, Messed Up, but sending you my love and good wishes. I know from personal experience how supportive everyon can be on here. Keep your spirits up.....
Lots of love and hugs
Stormy
xxxxxx

messedup_3

I am going to bed got work tomorrow I need help from you guys...you are so knowledgeble. can you answer the quezzies above,life is too much ...thnkyou. I may be back online tomorrow night

james32_uk

It sounds like your bank has been irresponsible, but I'm afraid it's entirely legal and much too easy to be sucked into the debt trap these days. Don;t feel too bad as you're not alone. Almost everyone on this forum has fallen into it for a start.

If you make arrangments to pay against the T&Cs of your credit agreements then yes it will effect your credit record. However, it's certainly not the end of the world and there's much worse than can happen. You sound like youve learnt your lesson and wouldnt want any more credit anyhow, so why let it affect you? All black marks get wiped off your record eventually anyhow so it's never going to be permanent.

There's ways to get you out of this debt mess with you paying much less than you owe, and ways to get out of it paying all you owe. I suggest you speak to CCCS or Payplan asap. They are great companies who will look at your situation in a totally non-judgemental way and give you some great advice and explain the options that are available to you.

messedup_3

if i went to my bank and told them the whole story do you think they would reduce interest,on over draft for now.

fabianne

I can only imagine how you must feel losing your child and my heart goes out to you-but for the sake of your lovely boys-be strong and climb this mountain.It may restore some faith back that you CAN do it-it will be an goal for you and they will be proud of their mum.
Remember-You can't eat an elephant in one bite-so stay around and get the advice and help to sort the problem out.
Good luck xx

aussielovell

hi

ive just read your thread am am crying here along with you. I know the courage it takes to post here when something happens that triggers that feeling of despair and i can assure you that you have done the right thing. Unburdening yourself with the support from people here will help you get through and help you come up with the right answers for your circumstances. I can only say that after going through a horrible time earlier this month. Now, the money thing....it sounds overwhelming but it is still ok. it can still be dealt with.

I know you say you are getting help for your feelings but that is where your focus needs to be and perhaps you also need to discuss the gambling within your sessions as they are obviously connected - not seperate.

At the end of the day, whatever happens next, you have realised that you cannot continue in the same way. You have had your trigger...what you need to work out next is which is the best way to deal with things which i guess is why you are here. From reading very briefly the SOA and the figures you are stating, i think that your best option (not just financially but emotionally too) will be to talk to CCCS or bankrupcy.

I know you say you dont want a bad credit rating but lets be honest - you have it anyway. You also say you want to pay it back because of your morals. Well there is nothing to stop you doing that, dispite the bankrupcy. I truly believe in keeping your morals and doing 'the right thing' but i think the right thing for your family is for your partner and children to get their mum 'back'. You need a bit of help and relief and having someone take away the extreme stress of the repayments and hassle. you need to learn to greive and accept whats happened and then once this is happened, you can shift your focus to clearing the debts There is nothing stopping you saving up where you can and paying back anything not covered in the individual arrangement or bankrupcy when its on your terms and making a payment at a later date. That way, you can deal with the situation, you can keep your morals, and you can learn to live again.

You deserve your shot. Dont be so hard on yourself, you are worth it, you can do it and we are all here for you.

messedup_3

thankyou i ama overwhelmed ...goodnite xxx

Nenen

Messedup... please, please don't be so hard on yourself. Try to think how you would treat, or what you would say, to a good friend who had been through the awful time you have and do/say the same to yourself. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself; forgive yourself for past mistakes in the knowledge you've been ill and are now actively seeking treatment.

I found the specialist debt advisor at my local Citizen's Advice Bureau was really incredibly helpful and supportive. We met face to face as often as needed and he never once made me feel inadequate or blamed me for my predicament (entirely of my own making). They would be able to help you sort out if it is practical for you to pay off all these debts or explore alternative routes with you, taking your wishes into account. Citizens Advice would also be able to help you with any other issues surrounding the death of your daughter if necessary too.

Have you seen your GP? It sounds as if you might benefit from a course of anti-depressants. If you don't want to take them I can give you infomation on St John's Wort (a herbal alternative). You are certainly NOT evil. The fact that you have two lovely sons and a supportive partner demonstrates that! If you are thinking of ending your life (as some of your posts suggest) then these are the people who would have to live with the pain of you choosing to leave them in the most dreadful way for the rest of their lives; and please believe me, that is a terrible pain to bear. Please don't think about doing that to them, rather honour your daughter's memory and the love of your lovely sons and partner by being kind to yourself and making a fresh start.

In your situation, I wouldn't go directly to the bank without speaking to an impartial advisor (CAB or CCCS) first. When the **** hit the fan for my debt, I tried speaking to my bank. The bank actually encouraged me to try and increase my mortgage to pay off my loan to them (terrible advice to get a secured loan for that) and even encouraged me to 'bend the truth' regarding the amount of credit cards etc I had and said they would support me doing this to get the increased mortgage from my BS in accelerated time. In my naivity I really thought they were trying to help me, whereas of course their advice was based on their first priority i.e. get as much of their own debt recovered as possible as fast as possible! I could have ended up homeless with three young children if I hadn't seen CAB before taking bank's advice! Citizens Advice can help you put a plan of repayments together and ask your creditors to suspend interest payments while you do this.

I'm sending you all my good wishes and positive vibes that you will get all the help you need to be kind to yourself and start again.