I Have Messed Up My Life Bigtime

Nelle_2

Dear Messed Up
There are lots of us out there with massive debts - but it will get better, i promise.
From my experience, I couldn't even think straight whilst I was trying to cope with my debts - and i truly understand your loss. i have lost 2 brothers (twins) within 3 years of each other and it is difficult to cope with this type of loss without using some form of distraction - in your case, gambling.

I have coped by writing everything I owe on a piece of paper. i have wrote to all the credit card companies advising that I cannot repay the minimum repayments. This has led to some very good assistance from some of them - and default notices, which soound scary - but seem to be the first step to recovery and help.
My advise would be to contact one of the non profit making debt counselling agencies which are on this website. They are non judgmental and will guide you through.
I wish you all the best for the future.

messedup_3

Hi

Just thought I would say hi and thx to everyone, I have just got in from work...today I earned the interest payment for one debt this month,how self destructive was I .
Anyway, I am feeling sad about everything if I listend to my heart,I am so disorganised and my head is absolute chaos.
Well I would like to ask anyone if they can work out the interest as of yet I have not had the statements .... on my ccard 5400 at 18apr o/d 5400 18apr and o/d 3500 18 apr.
I worked out it was $7.50 for every $500 cant find my pound sign.

I just need to work out how much debt
I can pay off.
I have never had debt before , have always been organised.Gone right down hill,and this mixed with impatience and debt and PMT every month is very scarey.
I wish the years would pass because of this but I do not want to wish years away. Does anyone feel like that...
I am moving house on Friday, I have a week off work... we were set to buy in Novemeber, I still had 11k in savings last August, I am grateful to everyone.

I wish that online banking never existed and everything else had a complete health warning.

With love to you all x

greytdog_2

firstly - bug hugs to you - you are in a really tough place at the moment but the only way is up. You have come on here and that shows that you want things to change/improve. I agree with most people her that depression needs treating - i am a regular sufferer and beleive me the world looks completely different when its being treated. When i am down i feel much the same as you about my parenting skills but when i am not in that dark place I realise that they would sooner have their mum even with faults than be without her. Lets face it no ones perfect, not even those pristine ones we all see up the school!

I also know that no one can make you go to the doctors it has to come from within. I also like you owe a large amount and could not go down the IVA or similar route as i feel that i have taken the money so i should pay it back. However by going to the companies via the CAB debt advisor they have all stopped the interest and let me pay back what i can afford. For the first time in about 12 years i now feel in control and it has given me back a new lease for life. I'm sure your boys are actually very proud of you for getting through the horendous times you have endured without giving in. Try to focus on what you can achieve from here on in rather than the past, easy to say i know. Dealing with your debt is surprisingly empowering and follows on to other parts of your life. I'm sure you'll get there and just think of the acheivement when you do!

messedup_3

Also sorry if anyone can tell me, my tax code is 384L at work but is due to 530L this year. Is it automatically changed by the inland revenue and is there a website I can work out my tax.

messedup_3

Thankyou to you all, you are all truly inspiring. I just lack patience etc. My boys know nothing of my predicament, I am in for some rough times, I hate the thought of failing, I love a goal but this situation is beyond belief, if I was to sit and think hard, I can only compensate my thoughts with things can only get better, but I then get cross with myself, but for my actions it woud be x y and z. I am hoping I will think of it that much that I will bore myself out of depression. I gave up smoking 2 weeks ago because of my predicament...is that a plus then LOL... not funny really... (lol) I am forever swearing to myself in the solitary moments!

smashedbooboo

Hi well done fr giving up smoking. That is my next goal. God help yorkshire when i do. Swear. oh my god. Lol. I will be like an old fish wife. Right now. You said all you do is think of everything and your head gets all befuddled. I do like that word. Dont try and do or think of everything all at once. You wont be able to concentrate properly. Make a list of everything you owe and to who. Plus all the other problems you have. Eg list 1. Financial then list2. Emotional and psychological etc. Then from each list pick the easiest thing you can probably sort out in a short space of time. Tick them off. Then look at list again and do same again to next item. I did this. And the fact I only cancelled my sky subscription in ten minutes it was a goal. I managed to get rid of lots of niggly things. Then i could concentrate on the bigger things. Now reclaiming my bank charges back. I feel so much better. You can do too. And its so good to see you having a lighter moment. xxxxxxxxxxxx

greytdog_2

lists are great to give you a lift, even if its something small. To have a piece of paper in your hand that says look what i've acheived today. It can be saving 10p on something, or managing to get through an hour without being down, doing a task you have been putting off, anything really but it all adds up to you feeling like actually i can do things. Just remember one step at a time. It won't go away overnight but each little step is one nearer to success and one further away from the bad situation. You can do it and i'm sure everyone here will help you as much as we can.

tontopav

Messed

Were all on your side keep goin.

If your tax code is increasing from 384 to 530 that is a difference of 146 points. For a quick calculation of what diff it makes add a zero i.e.1460 then work out 22% i.e.£321.20 then divide by twelve if paid monthly = £26.76 better off each month

Good luck

Tam

Evening all,

Just a thought and it's not money related (soo many more people have soo much more expertise than me in that department) but I just thought that it might be a good idea to keep a diary.

I had an ectopic pregnancy 10 years ago and had to lose a tube. We were trying for a baby and to lose half my chances of conceiving (or so I thought) was too much to bear. We hadn't been married a year when that happened and I took it really badly. Husband would come home from work to find me in a tearful heap on the floor and not be able to get any sense out of me etc.

I decided that the best way for me to get through the dark times would be to keep a diary where I could rant against the injustice of the world, whinge about the huge number of pregnant women that had suddenly appeared around me just to spite me and generally get a lot off my chest without ever having to feel guilty for the thoughts I was having. I can't tell you how much it helped - it was like having my own personal therapist and rereading it every couple of weeks made me see I was improving and the world wasn't out to get me.

It might work for you too - try it, it can't do any harm.

PS. Nearly ten years on I have an eight year old DD and a six year old DS.

Sorry it's been a long post!:o

liewe_heksie

messedup wrote:

I have never had bank charges or debts before, have always paid my c card in full and now they are maxed out. I am paying a whopping 789 just to service everything.

Hi there messed up, am so sorry about your situation. I lost my younger brother in very tragic circumstances a couple of years ago and can just imagine what you must be going through having lost a child, I know what it did to my parents and it's so hard. Please accept my condolences.

My LBM came beginning of last year and I am paying £1060 a month servicing all my debt, and it's difficult but if I can do it, you can. But like everyone else has said it's only money after all. One thing I learnt when my brother died is that family is what matters and I know it's an old line, but life is too short to worry about things like money, what's done is done, what's spent is spent. All we can do is try to fix it and try to make things better for ourselves.

Sorry bout the essay but I do feel so desperately for you but wanted to let you know that there are people here who care and will help in any way possible, you're not alone.

LH
x x x x