I Have Messed Up My Life Bigtime

messedup_3

LOL SS you have more tha nme I have a car worth4k...I thought about that this morning lol.
The reason I must have gone downhill 6 months ago was I went back to a full time managers job after 10 years.... for the whole 10 years I DID not leave my boys with anyone due to my post trauma...suddenly I found myself at work without them and it brought back a lot ... my youngest son is my late daughters twinbrother...it is all so sad... he was born a twin and now he is a singleton...its very raw...but yes that is prob why I deteriorated

messedup_3

Credit card (18% APR) - £5,400 2% MIN PAY

Overdraft (18% APR) - £5,400 INT 71

Overdraft (18% APR) - £3,500 INT 53

Credit card (16% APR) - £3,500 2% min pay

Loans - £20,000 (£341 p/m) lloyds 10000 5 years nrock 10000 10 years

southernscouser

messedup wrote:

LOL SS you have more tha nme I have a car worth4k...I thought about that this morning lol.
The reason I must have gone downhill 6 months ago was I went back to a full time managers job after 10 years.... for the whole 10 years I DID not leave my boys with anyone due to my post trauma...suddenly I found myself at work without them and it brought back a lot ... my youngest son is my late daughters twinbrother...it is all so sad... he was born a twin and now he is a singleton...its very raw...but yes that is prob why I deteriorated

But you have to try and understand that not one person reading this can put their hand on their heart and tell you they wouldn't have reacted the same way as you.

You are not to blame. I'm not being paid to say nice things to you. I'm just an unbiased stranger giving my honest opinion on what I see. Whether you want to believe me or not is another thing but I have no reason to lie to you!

Now if I was to tell you I had a 10 inch........................

WANDA

Your post has made me log in - very rarely do so. Please go to your GP and ask for a referral to your local Community Mental Health Team. I work in one of these and your life events, depression and your loss can be helped by the many professionals that work in these teams. They offer practical help and appropriate counselling so that you can get your life on track, will help you cope and deal with all that has happened. They are trained to help you and to give you the skills to deal with all that life has thrown at you so far. You have suffered a great loss and have nothing to reproach yourself for. Look forward for your boys and partner and take each day as it comes. I wish you well.

elantan

mmm 10 inch what exactly ....mu listen to ss he makes sense most of the time lol...here though he is

messedup_3

I truly beleive you....I am not the person I was before it happened and I am the person I was before it happened ...I am 2 different people,one responsible one irresponsible...its strange...but it helps sorting my head out on here...

Tam

Mu, have you been to see the people at the CAB or the charity that deals with debt (someone help me out here, can't remember the name)?

Have you also thought about getting some counselling through your GP. For your family's sake admitting you need some help is a lot better than the alternative! You are a victim of the crime too and what has happened is a heck of a lot to try to come to terms with by yourself. You have tried to bottle this up for too long, maybe it's time to stop being so brave.

You deserve, no, it's your right, to have a wonderful life now get out there and see what you can do to get it!

Tam

Gosh, just reread that I sound very scoolmarmish. Soz!

messedup_3

Wanda you are truly right you have hit the nerve that I havent dealt with and I am crying the painis ripping my heart. I want my daughter back. The debts are now linked to my post trauma. I cannot deal with this pain right now

messedup_3

I would rather have died and gone to heaven to be with my daughter than get that compensation money it was blood money the casinos were welcome to it.Yes it was wasteful but it was tarnished with my daughters death. As for blowing 40k of my money well I dont know. I just dont know anymore..I have let my boys down.