lost respect for this friend-what now?

feelinghounded

Hi Purbeck

He is in a senior position we were at the same grade but different jobs. He has recently had his duties ammended in light of complaints but that hasn't really had much of an impact on him. I imagine if the estalishment were to make any staffing cuts then he would be pretty near the top of the list. Other than that he is here to stay.

Don't get me wrong, I really do not want to make this formal or cause him to get into trouble. I just want him to respect what I say and leave me alone.

I do not work directly with him, I am now senior to him, but I have a different set of responsibilities to him. I come into contact with him formally at work for dept wide meetings usually once/twice per month, other than that I am based in the same floor of the building as him. We do not work on any projects together so there really is no need for him to see me every day.

Oh no he is on the phone now actually as I type. I'm just ignoring maybe that makes it worse.:(

Lotus-eater

feelinghounded wrote: »

Hi Purbeck

He is in a senior position we were at the same grade but different jobs. He has recently had his duties ammended in light of complaints but that hasn't really had much of an impact on him. I imagine if the estalishment were to make any staffing cuts then he would be pretty near the top of the list. Other than that he is here to stay.

Don't get me wrong, I really do not want to make this formal or cause him to get into trouble. I just want him to respect what I say and leave me alone.

I do not work directly with him, I am now senior to him, but I have a different set of responsibilities to him. I come into contact with him formally at work for dept wide meetings usually once/twice per month, other than that I am based in the same floor of the building as him. We do not work on any projects together so there really is no need for him to see me every day.

Oh no he is on the phone now actually as I type. I'm just ignoring maybe that makes it worse.:(

It might well do. A quick, look I'm busy, unless it has something to do with work, then I haven't got time to talk I'm afraid.
Say something like it a few times and he should get the message. If he doesn't, you may well have to say something alot more direct, which isn't going to be very nice I'm afraid, that's why I said to do it with someone else around.

claire16c

He sounds like a nutcase. I hope you can get it sorted soon. Following you to the toilets is plain weird.

Sambucus_Nigra

claire16c wrote: »

He sounds like a nutcase. I hope you can get it sorted soon. Following you to the toilets is plain weird.

OP - I have to say I might be inclined next time to call his manager from inside the loos and complain that he follows you everywhere and is currently outside the toilets waiting for you.

The thing is, all this fannying about isn't going to sort the situation. Either tell him to his face or do it through official channels. For the sake of the young students he seems to be trawling through, I'd do it that way personally. As mentioned, you have not told us whether there is a procedure to deal with staff sh@gging their way through the students but that would be the best angle, IMHO.

DUTR

DVardysShadow wrote: »

You are making a fair point, although the 'men-hater' aspect indicates that perhaps you too are missing the point.

If you try to deal with a man in a 'sensitive' way as though he is a woman - or vice versa - it is not going to end well. Ultimately, you may need to involve the 'authorities' or put the matter onto the path to summary dismissal. But the first step is to tell the bloke to his face.

But you need to accept that women go about dealing with these matters indirectly, not out of back stabbing, regarding blokes as uranium or anything other than trying to deal with it 'sensitively' - from a complete misunderstanding of the need to deal with a bloke directly on matters like this, rather than indirectly

I meant the complainant being avoided after the 'event' (only because I have seen similar actions at my own place), from very early in the thread I mentioned for the OP to talk to the offender 1st.
Also I know at my place of a lady who for years always had to have a complaint about her colleagues/managers, then after a time of being 'off sick' it soon came to light that she had made a rod for her own back, it was a shame as I'm yet to bump into anyone who can say something positive about her now

feelinghounded

There is a process. I don't think it is an offence to have a relationship with a student, after all they are over 18, it's when the person is actually involved in the assessment of that student it becomes an issue for the college, or if anything physical happend on the college premises. That could lead to a gross misconduct charge,

He's not daft, he knows that and so will spend the year charming them and then makes his move once the assessments are done and they move on to another class.

He is more likely to land himself in trouble for shouting and swearing at the male students than get caught out over daliances with the female students.

Sambucus_Nigra

feelinghounded wrote: »

There is a process. I don't think it is an offence to have a relationship with a student, after all they are over 18, it's when the person is actually involved in the assessment of that student it becomes an issue for the college, or if anything physical happend on the college premises. That could lead to a gross misconduct charge,

He's not daft, he knows that and so will spend the year charming them and then makes his move once the assessments are done and they move on to another class.

He is more likely to land himself in trouble for shouting and swearing at the male students than get caught out over daliances with the female students.

Should you perhaps check that and know for certain either way? If it isn't a problem then why did you mention it?

feelinghounded

I mentioned it because it is part of the reason for me losing respect for him and not wanting to have anything to do with him.

Sambucus_Nigra

So if he was chasing skirt without you being in a college, it would be ok and you would still have respect?

feelinghounded

Well he does - he is cheating on current GF and no I don't respect him for that either.