lost respect for this friend-what now?

System

Re ""what's up time of the month?" just respond "yep, is it the male menopause with you?"

pearl123

Purbeck wrote: »

Re ""what's up time of the month?" just respond "yep, is it the male menopause with you?"

It's too playful. The mans a problem to her. It's better to be politicly correct.

System

It's only playful if you say it that way... say it in the right tone and it is very cutting But I wasn't really suggesting it 'too seriously' as an option.

DUTR

Purbeck wrote: »

It's only playful if you say it that way... say it in the right tone and it is very cutting But I wasn't really suggesting it 'too seriously' as an option.

It is a good option, I suppose an annonymous note may work too, with the summary that a complaint will be lodged if the practice continues.

feelinghounded

I actually think the problem stems from him being under-employed. He has very little to do and so has more time on his hands than other people do.

Rather than look to fill his time productively, he appears to take pleasure in "getting paid for nowt" has he puts it. Somedays if he doesn't have a class he goes surfing! I find myself checking the weather report and hoping for big waves. This is one of the reasons he annoys me so (in addition to the hassle) as I'm workng 50 hour weeks, as are many others.

Management just don't tackle him and I think part of it is that he is so confrontational with people. It is easier to ignore than to face.

So far today I have had 4 phone calls which I've ignored - thank you caller ID and I'm hoping it means he isn't coming in.

Thanks again for the replies.

gratefulforhelp_2

DUTR wrote: »

Take him for a coffe or whatever (out of works time and tell him, it would be a shame if you were instrumental to his downfall especially at this time .
Good luck

Nooooooooooo! Mixed messages.

pearl123 wrote: »

This sounds like some form of sexual discrimation. I would report him to a supervisor or boss. His comments are beyond being a pest and irritation. It probably best to do if officially, otherwise who knows he might mix it for you at work. Is he a problem to anyone else?

I would strongly advise you against taking this man for a coffee or a pint!

Absolutely.

I'm glad you said about the surfing (I know it's not DH:rotfl:)

Union rep, any good?

pearl123

Is there anyone else who is being hassled by him in a similar way. If so could you not all go an complain - that he is interupting/disturbing your work? You do seem to suggest that he is an overall problem to the company. And it does not seem to be something that will be resloved on its own.

You could also bide you time and wait until he really does something unacceptable!
From what you've said he sounds like a bit of a big head. It also appears it willl take more than you to sort the issue out.

feelinghounded

He used to waste the time of another women in the department. She was telling me that he stopped after they had had a big row about a work issue, not so much because of the row, but because she froze him out after that. I didn't know about any of this until this week.

Just last week he had a run in with a male colleague over a work issue and ended up screaming and shouting and swearing at him in a public meeting area. In the end a third party had to be dragged in as a witness and they are now not to meet each other without an observer being present.

At least I've had peace today.

My plan is to tell him to stop distrubing me as I am busy and it is causing me stress. I am going to do this tomorrow when my office mate is in. Then see what happens after that. I think I need a witness there as he is likely to kick off.

Thank you for the replies.

DVardysShadow

feelinghounded wrote: »

Thanks for the replies

My new office mate is very helpful when I tell him to go away she chips in and if I'm out of the office and he arrives she will text and warn me he is around. If he is around I take my work to the library or archive room to avoid him.

I've not had a conversation with him to say that people are talking about him always searching me out, maybe I should, but getting away from him after a conversation is a nightmare. Last time I spoke to him I tried to end the conversation by going to the ladies - he followed me there and then waited for me coming out. Sadly for me I'm on the fourth floor and can't exit out of the window!

I don't know if it is best to try and avoid him as I have been doing or if I should just stay in my office and just tell him to get lost? I've done that a couple of times and it was very uncomfortable.

He is volatile and full of his own self importance, and I think my avoiding tactics will bring things to a head which might be a good thing in some ways. I don't see him allowing me to ignore him for much longer. Although I am dreading any confrontation.

I will try to catch his manager today, she has had zero success with his other behaviours: they seem content to let him off the hook about all kind of things so I'm not sure if she will do anything.

I don't care about the friendship aspect, it was all one sided anyway. My stupid fault for being sympathetic.

Ignore all the advice you have been given so far to involve HR or whatever for the moment. Backtrack yourself from having your office mate fob him off.

Tell him to his face that you want no more to do with him other than the minimum demands of the job, put a note in your diary and leave it at that. Once you have done these things, you can begin to take into account the advice you have been given on this thread.But the advice is only relevant once you have been honest with him to his face.

Believe me, you will be most kind to him by saying where you stand for yourself than involving 3rd parties.

pearl123

feelinghounded wrote: »

He used to waste the time of another women in the department. She was telling me that he stopped after they had had a big row about a work issue, not so much because of the row, but because she froze him out after that. I didn't know about any of this until this week.

Just last week he had a run in with a male colleague over a work issue and ended up screaming and shouting and swearing at him in a public meeting area. In the end a third party had to be dragged in as a witness and they are now not to meet each other without an observer being present.

He's obviously a major problem. Definately have someone else with you when you speak to him. He sounds very intimidating.

And really do consider taking an official route. There could be more people than you are aware of struggling in the office because of him.
Although what DVaryshadow says make sense aswell.