lost respect for this friend-what now?

gratefulforhelp_2

feelinghounded wrote: »

Sorry yes we are both in the union. The next time he shows up and my office mate is there, I will spell it out to him.

Speak to your rep then.

I have already told him straight myself a couple of times but he just ignores me, laughing saying "what's up time of the month?" which drives me mad.

That would drive me into a RAGE:eek:

Saying it in front of someone else may help; at least I will have someone to acknowledge that I have told him. Oh that is going to be awful, wish I wasn't such a coward!

From what you have said, you have done as much as you need to to be fair to him.

But then again I would rather face that than make it formal though.

thanks for the replies.

If the students are under 18 it is now illegal for him to get into a sexual/romantic relationship with them, and the principal should be aware.

DUTR

feelinghounded wrote: »

Hi all,

I'm not really a newbie, I'm using a different name for this. Thanks for reading.

I've been friends with a guy at work for a couple of years now. We used to share an office and got on quite well, we would go for the occassional coffee. Although we shared the office we never worked directly together. The relationship is strictly platonic I have never been interested in him and he knows that.

When his GF left him I provided a shoulder to cry on and I felt genuinely sorry for him.

Recently however my opinion of him has changed. We no longer share an office, thankfully, but now my work does bring me in contact with him.

The problem is:

1. He pesters me at work constantly, always turning up for chats, always phoning me. I tell him I'm busy but he just ignores that, he even distrubs me when I'm in meetings. I have resorted to just turning my back on him to get him to leave the room lately. Sometimes it doesn't work he still just sits there.


You have to tell him at a convenient time, guys don't always respond to hints

I know it doesn't sound like much but it is constant and people are starting to notice and comment on it. As soon as he arrives the first thing he does is look for me. If I say I'm busy he just keeps on pestering. My work is suffering because of his constant interruptions and this is causing me stress as I have high targets to meet.

2. Now that I my work brings me in contact with him I've noticed just how idle he is. He hardly does any work - hence wanting to waste my time. He fails to turn up for important meetings or will turn up just as they are finishing. Rarley has his work done on time, actually make that never. He is offensive to colleagues and is often obsructive. I don't know how he gets away with it.

If he has come out of a long term relationship, his mind won't be 100% where it should be, don't you think he has enough problems without you adding to them?

Plus we work in a college and he is chasing after girls who are 30 years his junior and I find it quite sickening. He also just revealed that he is cheating on his new GF with at least 2 other women. In short, I have lost all respect for him and really do not want to spend any time with him.

He has upset and offended so many people now that I don't think anyone will give him the time of day. I guess I am the only person he has left which makes me feel like a real !!!!! saying what I have said.

I really want him to leave me alone but I have to be careful in how I handle him as he is quite volatile and obviously I will have to see him at work.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Take him for a coffe or whatever (out of works time and tell him, it would be a shame if you were instrumental to his downfall especially at this time .
Good luck

pearl123

feelinghounded wrote: »

"what's up time of the month?" which drives me mad.

This sounds like some form of sexual discrimation. I would report him to a supervisor or boss. His comments are beyond being a pest and irritation. It probably best to do if officially, otherwise who knows he might mix it for you at work. Is he a problem to anyone else?

I would strongly advise you against taking this man for a coffee or a pint!

DUTR

pearl123 wrote: »

This sounds like some form of sexual discrimation. I would report him to a supervisor or boss. His comments are beyond being a pest and irritation. It probably best to do if officially, otherwise who knows he might mix it for you at work. Is he a problem to anyone else?

I would strongly advise you against taking this man for a coffee or a pint!

Why in case he gives her a couple of slaps and smashes her mobile phone? The worst kind of friend anyone needs (irrespective of gender) is one which withdraws their support at the most time of need.
If the chap is of an older generation then that could be why the 'lack' of PC awareness. The OP should indeed clarify the end of the friendship, but she does not need to be evil about it.

Lotus-eater

DUTR wrote: »

Why

Because the OP says up there that he is volatile!

Why put yourself in a situation you don't need to be in?

feelinghounded

DUTR wrote: »

Why in case he gives her a couple of slaps and smashes her mobile phone? The worst kind of friend anyone needs (irrespective of gender) is one which withdraws their support at the most time of need.
If the chap is of an older generation then that could be why the 'lack' of PC awareness. The OP should indeed clarify the end of the friendship, but she does not need to be evil about it.

I've not been evil about it. I have told him now a number times that I need to work and this his constant visitations are causing me stress as I end up having to take work home each evening in order to finish things. I've told him this nicely - he ignores me. The worst I have done to him is say please leave I am busy and then have turned my back on him.

I don't want to add to his problems that is why I am trying to deal with this myself without making it formal.

He is causing me problems as I end up working at home on an evening. He is 53 and is very PC when he wants to be.

I don't think he is on need of support he is over his break up and is now merrily cheating on his new girlfriend while lusting after students at work.

pearl123

DUTR - work collegues should not refer to a co-workers menstuation! I can't see also where slaps or smashes come into this either. That was a differant thread! Reporting a problem co-worker is not evil either.

This type of comment is unacceptable in the work place.
"what's up time of the month?" which drives me mad."

crazyguy

DUTR

feelinghounded wrote: »

I've not been evil about it. I have told him now a number times that I need to work and this his constant visitations are causing me stress as I end up having to take work home each evening in order to finish things. I've told him this nicely - he ignores me. The worst I have done to him is say please leave I am busy and then have turned my back on him.

I don't want to add to his problems that is why I am trying to deal with this myself without making it formal.

He is causing me problems as I end up working at home on an evening. He is 53 and is very PC when he wants to be.

I don't think he is on need of support he is over his break up and is now merrily cheating on his new girlfriend while lusting after students at work.

Thanks for responding, it is a difficult position to resolve, and thankfully you have mentioned about attempting to avoid the formal.
Would it be worth a male having a chat with him about the current situation?
Sometimes it takes months/years to get over somebody so I'm not so sure he has gotten over his ex, although that does not assist you right now

System

He sounds like someone I used to know lol, about that age and in a college environment...he was like a kid in a candy shop Lots of young women around, and that made him feel young too! At his age a split with a girlfriend might have been harder than one imagines..you get to 'midlife' and wonder where your youth has gone?

As regards him spending time chatting when he and you should be working, I think a really clear statement has to be made, not jokey, not friendly or unfriendly...just say it. "I need to get this work done NOW, please leave me to do it". Then hold the door open! If you can't lock the door, get a 'Do not disturb' sign and tell him that when it is on the door, you are busy and he can't come in!