lost respect for this friend-what now?

donnap83

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

A personal disagreement which happened at your place of employment does not mean that it's nothing to do with your employers. He's already had his card marked (I hope) after the last barney with a co-worker. Please take this to HR right away. Speak to them on the phone this afternoon rather than leaving it till tomorrow. You have no idea what kind of damage-limitation he might attempt in the meantime.

Good advice here.

Worse still, he may start telling people that there was 'something' between you, and this was a so called lovers spat.

whitewing

It is absolutely unacceptable for a 'professional' at a college or anywhere to throw his dregs at you and swear at you, especially in a work environment. If I had even witnessed that behaviour between colleagues of mine I would put in a complaint myself.

feelinghounded

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that. The challenge I now face will be stopping my hubby from going down there and giving him a pasting! I've told hubby about how !!!!!! has been acting. Sorry I can't say my friend anymore I think !!!!!! is more apt. So there are no akward conversations to be had on that front.

I've told the harrassment officer in HR about it she wants to come and see me tomorrow. The union rep knows what he is like. I could not stand him saying that there was something going on as the thought of it, him, in that way turns my stomach. I really hope he does not resort to lying. I just want to be left alone, I want him to stay away from me.

To think I did this today rather than make it formal!

pearl123

Feelinghounded - I suggest you come out fighting! Your co-worker is not a man by the sound of it to just skrink into the background. I suggest you don't either.
Report him, Report him, Report him. He seems quite capable of mixing it for you!

The man obviously has issues! And they will continue unless he is stopped.

Emmzi

grievance. You must lodge a grievance.

For all you know, you are not the only one he is doing or will do this to.

Others deserve the protection your bravery will afford them.

gratefulforhelp_2

Kay_Peel wrote: »

I think you ought to inform your manager/his manager/HR about the assault in the cafe and your fears about returning to the workplace.

His reaction was irrational, irresponsible and frightening. His follow-up text messages show that he will continue to pester you and that the business is not finished yet.

Good luck!

Kay is absolutely right, this was an assault and should be treated as such (no matter that you weren't physically damaged, you just had to be threatened, and you were).

feelinghounded wrote: »

An update..

I have just gotten off the 'phone with my union rep. It seems that "my friend" has already been to see him on the off-chance I should report the coffee incident! and has gone home declaring himself sick.

It would appear he has gone into bottom covering mode.

Well done for speaking to your rep.

There_Goes_Trouble

FH you have a lot of good advice here and hopefully your untion rep and HR will take it seriously and sort it for you.

I just wanted to add a huge WELL DONE for speaking to this man and being straight with him. It can't have been easy.

I would start keeping a diary if possible, of every single contact you have with him. Every visit to your office, every text, every phone call (don't answer, just log it in your diary) and if someone else is in your office at the time get them (if they don't mind) to sign your diary entry as a witness. You will have enough evidence for a harassment case very quickly, especially if your office mate will confirm this has been on-going for a long time. I also would ensure that you don't instigate contact at all (not that you would after today!) and where possible don't let him catch you alone.

He is in the wrong. You will win this one.

And if all else fails, let hubby loose..... (that's a joke by the way...!)

Good luck, don't let him win!!!

Hectors_House

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

I totally agree with DVS - however if he is cheating on current GF and you don't respect him for that, then why mention that you work at a college?

If you think that cheating on his gf is wrong, and there is no procedure to report him on, then it's irrelevant that it's students, as you can't do anything anyway.

What I am trying to say is that you need to get straight in your mind what you are trying to say here. Either he is breaking the rules on chasing students, or he is harassing you, or he is unprofessional or he is just annoying you. You need to decide on a strategy, and do it. Either it's going to be straight to him, face to face; or you report him, or you take out a grievance. At the moment it seems a complete mish mash of information that you seem to want not to act on and your friend is bailing you out and the wrong message is getting out.

This is one of the clearest messages I've seen in this thread.

OP you need to try to step back and look at this without emotion (if you can) to take stock and decide what it is you actually want.

Also, I would have thought anyone behaving in this kind of fashion to colleagues and students would be on thin ice. My neighbour has been taken aside by a male colleague at his university who has told him he shouldn't be allowed to continue teaching now that students are having to pay so much for a university education (my neighbour is an alcoholic with affairs with his students in his past).

Caroline_a

Hectors_House wrote: »

This is one of the clearest messages I've seen in this thread.

OP you need to try to step back and look at this without emotion (if you can) to take stock and decide what it is you actually want.

Also, I would have thought anyone behaving in this kind of fashion to colleagues and students would be on thin ice. My neighbour has been taken aside by a male colleague at his university who has told him he shouldn't be allowed to continue teaching now that students are having to pay so much for a university education (my neighbour is an alcoholic with affairs with his students in his past).

I think when he threw the coffee at her the goalposts changed!

gratefulforhelp_2

Hectors_House wrote: »

My neighbour has been taken aside by a male colleague at his university who has told him he shouldn't be allowed to continue teaching now that students are having to pay so much for a university education (my neighbour is an alcoholic with affairs with his students in his past).

It's a lovely idea, but unfortunately the lecturer population in universities would be decimated.;)