Moving on from a break up...Part Deux!

Welshwoofs

lufcgirl wrote: »

Because as per the previous posts, I'm not quite ready to let her go yet. I do love her and always will, but I hate the person she has become.

Please try not to take offence at what I'm about to say, but I'm pretty blunt

You were with this girl for 10 months; it was a long distance relationship and she still managed to throw a hissy and split up on a monthly basis. So her recent behaviour doesn't seem to me to be that different from her behaviour from the outset!

It seems to me that you're in love with the idea of being in love rather than actually deeply in love with a girl who, in reality, you didn't know that well (10 months of an LDR) and who proved herself to be mercurial from the outset. I very much doubt that you'll 'always love her', in fact I very much doubt she'll be anything more than a passing memory in a few years time.

She's not girlfriend material and from the sounds of it she's not even good friend material. Do yourself a favour, disengage yourself from the drama and 'romance' of it all and tell her to do one and not contact you again. Then get on with your life. Until you do that you'll always allow yourself to be strung along by her, always be thinking that it's really you she wants but can't admit (when the truth is probably that she's rightly identified that you're a willing ear she can bend when she's drunk/annoyed/down and whom she can treat like carp with no consequences) and always be wrapped up in the drama.

lufcgirl

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Please try not to take offence at what I'm about to say, but I'm pretty blunt

You were with this girl for 10 months; it was a long distance relationship and she still managed to throw a hissy and split up on a monthly basis. So her recent behaviour doesn't seem to me to be that different from her behaviour from the outset!

It seems to me that you're in love with the idea of being in love rather than actually deeply in love with a girl who, in reality, you didn't know that well (10 months of an LDR) and who proved herself to be mercurial from the outset. I very much doubt that you'll 'always love her', in fact I very much doubt she'll be anything more than a passing memory in a few years time.

She's not girlfriend material and from the sounds of it she's not even good friend material. Do yourself a favour, disengage yourself from the drama and 'romance' of it all and tell her to do one and not contact you again. Then get on with your life. Until you do that you'll always allow yourself to be strung along by her, always be thinking that it's really you she wants but can't admit (when the truth is probably that she's rightly identified that you're a willing ear she can bend when she's drunk/annoyed/down and whom she can treat like carp with no consequences) and always be wrapped up in the drama.

Ouch! To be fair though, a lot of it about her persona and the way she is is actually true.

Myself though, I truly truly do believe I'm in love with her. I know my own head and I'm not as stupid as to say I'll spend the rest of my life pining for her, I'm sure I'll meet someone who will treat me perfectly well and be happy with. She'll always sort of be the one that got away to me.
Things are easier as to what they were, a lot more so. I don't expect her to call or text. I don't particulary need to talk to her the way she seems to need to talk to me. I have started disengaging myself from it all, hence my ability yesterday to stand up to her and say that I'm fed up with her behaviour and she needs to make her mind up! If she calls back again I'm pretty sure I'll answer (because it could be an emergency or something important), but it's the thought of being missed and wanted that she needs and I just don't give her the satisfaction anymore.

JustinCredibleGillespie

Just been reading through the thread.

I think she rings you to see how your coping and thats the only reason. She wants to torture you and set you back each time you take a step forward , the phone will ring and it'll be her, just to twist the knife that little bit more.

Listen to all these other posters everyone is giving the best advice in the world. You deserve to be happy and you will find someone. Its an old cliche but Time definitely is the best healer.

I think you have had a lucky escape and we are nearing a brand new year. So why not make a promise to yourself to put the past behind you in 2012.

1 other piece of advice. When you do meet someone, don't talk none stop about your ex. Even tho I know its hard, dont do it.

I wish you all the best. BIG HUGS FROM IRELAND

JCG

xx

gonzo127

lufcgirl wrote: »

Ouch! To be fair though, a lot of it about her persona and the way she is is actually true.

Myself though, I truly truly do believe I'm in love with her. I know my own head and I'm not as stupid as to say I'll spend the rest of my life pining for her, I'm sure I'll meet someone who will treat me perfectly well and be happy with. She'll always sort of be the one that got away to me.
Things are easier as to what they were, a lot more so. I don't expect her to call or text. I don't particulary need to talk to her the way she seems to need to talk to me. I have started disengaging myself from it all, hence my ability yesterday to stand up to her and say that I'm fed up with her behaviour and she needs to make her mind up! If she calls back again I'm pretty sure I'll answer (because it could be an emergency or something important), but it's the thought of being missed and wanted that she needs and I just don't give her the satisfaction anymore.

so what is that much of an emergency that only you would be able to help? taking into account the physical distance between you?

same with something important, really what is that important that ONLY you cant help her with it?

or is it that you are just living in hope that she will start begging you to take her back? (just be honest with yourself) and thats why you keep on picking up the phone to her,

shellsuit

lufcgirl wrote: »

Ouch! To be fair though, a lot of it about her persona and the way she is is actually true.

Myself though, I truly truly do believe I'm in love with her. I know my own head and I'm not as stupid as to say I'll spend the rest of my life pining for her, I'm sure I'll meet someone who will treat me perfectly well and be happy with. She'll always sort of be the one that got away to me.
Things are easier as to what they were, a lot more so. I don't expect her to call or text. I don't particulary need to talk to her the way she seems to need to talk to me. I have started disengaging myself from it all, hence my ability yesterday to stand up to her and say that I'm fed up with her behaviour and she needs to make her mind up! If she calls back again I'm pretty sure I'll answer (because it could be an emergency or something important), but it's the thought of being missed and wanted that she needs and I just don't give her the satisfaction anymore.

You DO give her the satisfaction though, that's why she keeps calling you because she knows you will answer.

I don't know why you keep allowing this to happen. You posted for advice, yet haven't followed a word of any, anyone has given you.

lufcgirl

gonzo127 wrote: »

or is it that you are just living in hope that she will start begging you to take her back? (just be honest with yourself) and thats why you keep on picking up the phone to her,

Honestly...no. I really don't think that would happen! And I really think it would take an awful lot of begging on her part and proof I could trust her to be an adult for me to take her back.

There are things about her which I only know (not even her friends do) and things going on with her family that I'm the only outside person to know about. So if something was to happen, let's not forget I was the person closest to her for a long time, then I'm sure I'd be the first person she'd call. And I'm not as evil as not to answer. I don't play her games!

And in reply to JustIncredibleGillespie...I try not to talk about my ex at all, only on here now really! Apart from to the other girl I know, and my friends obviously. Thank you though for your message!

lufcgirl

shellsuit wrote: »

You DO give her the satisfaction though, that's why she keeps calling you because she knows you will answer.

I don't know why you keep allowing this to happen. You posted for advice, yet haven't followed a word of any, anyone has given you.

The only peice of advice I have not followed is not to answer the phone! I don't text, call, I talk to other people, I go out with friends and make a genuine effort to move on. I do other things that don't involve being at home in self pity!

shellsuit

lufcgirl wrote: »

The only peice of advice I have not followed is not to answer the phone! I don't text, call, I talk to other people, I go out with friends and make a genuine effort to move on. I do other things that don't involve being at home in self pity!

That's the most crucial part though, that's why almost everyone, if not everyone, has advised you to stop doing it.

She's always acted this way since you've known her, so God knows why you are holding out for her to get her act together, because she won't.

rachbc

lufcgirl wrote: »

The only peice of advice I have not followed is not to answer the phone!!

thats the one peice of advice that you have been given time and time and time again.

I suspect you feed off answering her just as much as she feeds off calling you...you love the drama of it or you wouldn't be engaging with it

shellsuit

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3304516=

This was back in June, so 5 months ago now.

I've said it before on this thread and I'll say it again, you're a glutton for punishment.