Moving on from a break up...Part Deux!

lufcgirl

rachbc wrote: »

thats the one peice of advice that you have been given time and time and time again.

I suspect you feed off answering her just as much as she feeds off calling you...you love the drama of it or you wouldn't be engaging with it

Drama...no. I've had enough of that to last a lifetime. The fact that I do miss her and hope one day she'll call for a reasonably sane conversation without relationships being involved...yes. That is all I want, a normal conversation. Surprisingly we had one of those on Friday which made her then say she never wants to speak again by Saturday.

However from now, I will try and follow the advice and not answer any calls from her, if she calls again.

Caroline_a

Just wanted to add that the answer to moving on is not getting someone new. It's about being strong enough to live your life without her and enjoying it. When you can do that, it might be time to look for someone else... but until then i would beware of rebound!

findingmyownway

How old are you both??

How do you find the time to wallow in so much pity and drama? Do you go to school / work properly? Seriously, I don't mean to be rude but some people have serious problems to face on a daily basis... this problem is entirely of your own making!!

Stop answering the bloody phone and get on with your life. And no that doesn't mean internet dating to find someone new (god help them)... it means get on with YOUR life with your family and friends and things that make you happy. She certainly doesn't fit into any of those categories.

Welshwoofs

lufcgirl wrote: »

She'll always sort of be the one that got away to me.

'The one that got away' is reserved for that one person who was absolutely right for you but fate decreed you couldn't be together. That's simply not the case with this woman is it.

I don't particulary need to talk to her the way she seems to need to talk to me.

Are you quite sure of that?

If she calls back again I'm pretty sure I'll answer (because it could be an emergency or something important), but it's the thought of being missed and wanted that she needs and I just don't give her the satisfaction anymore.

But you do give her that satisfaction because she knows damn well that you'll always pick up the phone and always listen to her latest drama. She's using you for emotional support when she feels like, but giving nothing in return. That's not a friendship.

Totally agree with caroline_a too - it seems to me that you launched into looking at dating not long after this break-up and that's probably why it's not been going well for you. Yes, it's nice to be wrapped up in romance, but honestly the best thing you can do for yourself after a relationship bust-up is get back to enjoying being you. I think once you're happy and confident just being yourself that's usually the time that love just happens upon you unexpectedly.

lufcgirl

findingmyownway wrote: »

How old are you both??

How do you find the time to wallow in so much pity and drama? Do you go to school / work properly? Seriously, I don't mean to be rude but some people have serious problems to face on a daily basis... this problem is entirely of your own making!!

Stop answering the bloody phone and get on with your life. And no that doesn't mean internet dating to find someone new (god help them)... it means get on with YOUR life with your family and friends and things that make you happy. She certainly doesn't fit into any of those categories.

I promised myself I wouldn't reply to messages like this but here we go! I find time because the phone calls happen at night before I sleep, hence making me even more tired. But you are correct, I did for a long time feel sorry for myself but I'm gradually improving. Writing on here how I feel is a lot lot better than calling or texting her to tell her that!
I'm 27, she is 22. I'm educated to degree level. I work full time, I study part-time still. I have an amazing set of friends who I actually go out with (or try to) every week. I have hobbies and interests and a varied social life. And a family who are always there with me.
Internet dating has been fun to meet people I wouldn't normally meet because of work and the social circles I am in. It's certainly helped me realise there are better people in the world for me and ones who I have a lot more in common with. Unfortunately for me, I can't just forget this period of my life ever happened, but I won't answer the phone at all. I've promised myself that much!

shellsuit

lufcgirl wrote: »

I promised myself I wouldn't reply to messages like this but here we go! I find time because the phone calls happen at night before I sleep, hence making me even more tired. But you are correct, I did for a long time feel sorry for myself but I'm gradually improving. Writing on here how I feel is a lot lot better than calling or texting her to tell her that!
I'm 27, she is 22. I'm educated to degree level. I work full time, I study part-time still. I have an amazing set of friends who I actually go out with (or try to) every week. I have hobbies and interests and a varied social life. And a family who are always there with me.
Internet dating has been fun to meet people I wouldn't normally meet because of work and the social circles I am in. It's certainly helped me realise there are better people in the world for me and ones who I have a lot more in common with. Unfortunately for me, I can't just forget this period of my life ever happened, but I won't answer the phone at all. I've promised myself that much!

I give it till the weekend lol

lufcgirl

shellsuit wrote: »

I give it till the weekend lol

I promise! I do have the slightest bit of self restraint....

lufcgirl

Welshwoofs wrote: »

But you do give her that satisfaction because she knows damn well that you'll always pick up the phone and always listen to her latest drama. She's using you for emotional support when she feels like, but giving nothing in return. That's not a friendship.

Totally agree with caroline_a too - it seems to me that you launched into looking at dating not long after this break-up and that's probably why it's not been going well for you. Yes, it's nice to be wrapped up in romance, but honestly the best thing you can do for yourself after a relationship bust-up is get back to enjoying being you. I think once you're happy and confident just being yourself that's usually the time that love just happens upon you unexpectedly.

Completely agree with you!
I think the dating thing was to just see what was out there. I'm not 'sceney' at all and hate the concept of just going out to pull someone. I am having a break, I've had nearly six weeks of having a break and my head is in a much better place now, compared to what it was.

Thank you for being so honest...it has helped me realise things a lot. Seriously!

shellsuit

lufcgirl wrote: »

I promise! I do have the slightest bit of self restraint....

I hope you do and I really hope you can move on from her.

She's a damaged girl and will only cause endless heartache unless you cut her out of your life for good.

JustinCredibleGillespie

She is a very immature 22 year old who likes to play mind games in relationship. Your not the first and I can guarantee you won't be the last.

This obviously isnt the first time shes done this. She's learned or copied this behaviour from someone close to her who doesn't know how to handle a relationship/break up. Apologies if I'm wrong however I don't think I am. I also don't think this is normal behaviour at all.

Would you be a book reader lufc?

JCG

xx