Moving on from a break up...Part Deux!

lufcgirl

Hi everyone,

Thank you, and I really have to say thank you for your advice that I've been given by you on a previous thread with dealing with a break up. Now it's for the hardest stage, actually moving on!

It's been twelve days now, and I think I've cried every day, today would have been our anniversary and yesterday she ceased all contact completely. I know I know, it's probably for the best but it doesn't make me miss her any less or think about things. Yesterday she said she hated me and if I stood infront of a truck now she wouldn't care. And I make her sick. All because I didn't answer 60-odd phone calls the night before and now she wants nothing to do with me.

So the hard part, moving on. How do you do it? I'm trying not to think. I have good days, or more like hours, where I'm watching tv and not thinking, but then I see my phone and have to check or text her again. I get no reply and the cycle starts again. I see other people on websites and things and they just don't compare. They can't spell or they're not educated or they're just simply not as beautiful. It's just destroying me inside every day. And I want to be like her and just not care but I can't. I've hidden my phone, and will try not to touch it at all today, but then if she calls and I miss it, then she'll hate me all over again!

I'm trying to do different things, but right now all I can think of is what today should have been and stupid things we used to do or say to each other. All I have in my head is her looking at me saying she really loves me last time I was with her.

Break-ups are the hardest thing in the world!!

SkintGypsy

Break-ups are the hardest thing in the world!!

Really? Truly awful and horrifying things happen to decent people every day. I don't mean to be unkind, but I think you need to get a grip and get some perspective on your love life problems. Perhaps start with the news and move on from there.

Ladyhawk

It's so hard isn't it?

Delete her number or if you can't quite bear that change her name in your phone. I recently changed the name in my phone of someone to "He's just not that into you" to remind me when I was drunk and wanted to text or when I recieved a text/ call that he had hurt me.

Unfortuntely, the only solution here is time. It will get easier... eventually.

Prawny

Keep yourself busy to take your mind off it. Arrange to see friends/family.

You need to stop contact so that you can move on. The lack of contact can make your life feel a bit empty which is why you need to fill it with your friends and family. I wouldnt recommend trying to find another partner right now. Its not the right time. You will be Ok, you just need to take it a day at a time.

Emmzi

well, you think about the mental health of someone who make 60 phone calls in a night and you think about how you in contrast are mature and glad you are out of it.

I read "it's called a break up cos it's broken" which is fun and hard hitting.

The reality is you are going to have a few hard crying sofa days for a bit so don't over commit yourself.

dramaqueen1973

Hey

Yes break ups are sooo hard and I know most of us have been there.

12 years ago I had the hardest break up ever, my partner walked out on me and his kids on New Years day with nothing....my world ended!! I thought I would never ever get over it, the kids were so young at 3 & 4 years old and oldest had just come out of hospital after being seriously ill. He seriously walked away without a care in the world without a backward glance at how me and the kids would cope!

However I now look back and he did me the biggest favour ever, I realised we were not meant to be together, I was glad he went and could go and Sh!! anything in a skirt, which he had been doing anyway, but now it could not affect me or the kids anymore. My boys have been my tower of strength and I met my soul mate who I married 6 years ago!

It's not going to be easy, yes she has said hurtful things to you, but people do, I said hurtful things to him, but all it is things that are said in the "moment"! Believe me Im the queen of a broken heart and I sobbed for days/weeks/months/years.....those tears dry up and the hurt goes and you move on...some people do it quicker...some do it slower.....you have to take one day at a time and just dont make contact, things are too raw at the mo and spiteful nasty comments will be said as the situation is too raw!

I hope coming on here gives you support and you will see lots of other posters with the same situation as you and it's good to talk and share

Drama
xxxx

lufcgirl

Thank you everyone,

I think today is hitting harder than ever because if she doesn't call or text or anything it's the first time in over a year we haven't spoke for a day. And everything is just making it worse. And I know there is nothing I can say or actually do to make anything better with her, it has to be in her own time. I do want to be friends and we were trying that before the whole not answering your phone thing.

It is very hard when it's all that consumes your mind. I can't eat, even drink a drink without wanting to be sick. I did sleep quite a bit at first but now that's stopped and I wake every morning when she should be on her way to work, as if I should be calling when I can't. It's insane. Time is a great healer but for now it's good to know that it's just normal how I am feeling.

adamantine

i have to say i agree with Emmzie. she rang you 60 times in one night and then when you didnt do what she wanted you are suddenly hated and wouldnt care if you died?! she is trying to guilt you and make you feel bad.

did you end things or her?(sorry i never seen the old thread) if you ended it she is trying to make you feel even worse about it and if she ended it she seems to be trying to keep that control over you and make you want her and to keep you there as a safety net so to speak. she wants to know that if she calls you will be there dangling on a thread for her.

cut that thread. delete all her text and clear your call history then delete her number. if someone calls from a number not stored in your phone dont answer. they can leave a message if its important.

Ladyhawk

Please don't try to be friends. That may come in time. And I am sorry to be harsh... but your relationship is no different to anyone elses. It. Does. Not. Work.

You need a break with absolutely no contact. It hurts. It feels like every shred of your being is screaming out for them. But this is like an addiction/ bad habit that needs to be dealt with. Be strong and please post here when you have your inevitable moments of weakness.

lufcgirl

adamantine wrote: »

i have to say i agree with Emmzie. she rang you 60 times in one night and then when you didnt do what she wanted you are suddenly hated and wouldnt care if you died?! she is trying to guilt you and make you feel bad.

did you end things or her?(sorry i never seen the old thread) if you ended it she is trying to make you feel even worse about it and if she ended it she seems to be trying to keep that control over you and make you want her and to keep you there as a safety net so to speak. she wants to know that if she calls you will be there dangling on a thread for her.

cut that thread. delete all her text and clear your call history then delete her number. if someone calls from a number not stored in your phone dont answer. they can leave a message if its important.

No she broke up with me. She called one night when I was asleep after an hour before saying how much she loves me to saying she never did and was lying for the whole time. Convincing herself it was real when it wasn't. She called so much because I said something stupid, I did text and tell her to leave me alone, and then by 2am I said I would call her in the morning. Thats when she said all the horrible things to me, and yesterday morning.

I know everyone says it's that easy, just delete her number, delete over 10,000 texts (I'm sure it's that many ) and just forget it but that will come in time. For now it's kind of like grieving because the person I loved didn't actually ever exist really. Hopefully it'll get better in days/weeks/months to come. Like my friend said, I don't think I'll ever get over it, just days will be easier. And trusting someone now will be ridiculously hard.

Ladyhawk

Sweetheart - you will get over it. I promise you will. Allow yourself to grieve for the relationship and one day you will wake and think of the future rather than the past.

Be kind to yourself.