Moving on from a break up...Part Deux!

adamantine

i did that just over 2 years ago. i left him though but deleting his number and changing mine was the best thing i ever did! he was a total jekyl and hyde. one moment he was asking if there would ever be a chance of us getting back together the next he was calling me every name under the sun and then some so i do understand how you feel.

some days i didnt want to get out of bed and just wanted to cry all day long but after about a week of no contact with him i woke up smiling. why? because i was the bigger and better person and didnt need to make anyone else feel bad in order to make myself feel good.

ETA it is like losing a family member. my family all said it was like a bereavment to the whole family.

lufcgirl

I think I will get over it, it's the fact she's left no part of our relationship as something I can look back on. So far...she was never in love with me, no time together ever meant everything, the first time she kissed me she opened her eyes (or so she says), everything was rubbish. Yet she's the one who asks for an extra hour or to stay over, and who never wanted to leave. The one who said she loved me first before I ever did, and text every day saying how much she did. That she could get anyone to fall in love with her but never did with me because she wanted it to be real. And now I'm just expected to believe the above after all this. But I have to.

I'm trying my best not to text or call because it'll get me nowhere because at the end of the day, if she wanted to speak to me she would. One day it'll get better, for now I just want to hop on a train and get a load of answers I feel I deserve!

dramaqueen1973

Hey

Of course you feel empty, its a habit you have to break like anything in the world, for the past year she has been there and now she not, you have to occupy yourself, get yourself out there and do something different to break the habit, it wont happen imstantly, it will take time.

She saying that stuff to hurt you, I dont think for one minute it's true....I really dont think someone could be that cruel and mean it....personally I think she has done something and now trying to justify her actions to make her feel better about herself!! I could be wrong but that is what it seems to me!

Ignor her calls and texts for time being but I do agree with other poster on here, you cannot be friends, it never works and you will slip into a rountine of becoming "Sleeping" friends and someone will get hurt every time...just not worth the heartache!!

shellsuit

lufcgirl wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Thank you, and I really have to say thank you for your advice that I've been given by you on a previous thread with dealing with a break up. Now it's for the hardest stage, actually moving on!

It's been twelve days now, and I think I've cried every day, today would have been our anniversary and yesterday she ceased all contact completely. Anniversary? I thought you'd only been together for 10 months? As for ceasing contact, it was only yesterday. This has been on and off since your last thread hasn't it? She says she loves you, she says she hates you and so on....she's not right in the head and needs help and the best help you can give her is to stay well away and change your number/email address etc. I know I know, it's probably for the best but it doesn't make me miss her any less or think about things. Yesterday she said she hated me and if I stood infront of a truck now she wouldn't care. And I make her sick. All because I didn't answer 60-odd phone calls the night before and now she wants nothing to do with me. What a catch!

So the hard part, moving on. How do you do it? I'm trying not to think. I have good days, or more like hours, where I'm watching tv and not thinking, but then I see my phone and have to check or text her again. I get no reply and the cycle starts again. I see other people on websites and things and they just don't compare. They can't spell or they're not educated or they're just simply not as beautiful. It's just destroying me inside every day. And I want to be like her and just not care but I can't. I've hidden my phone, and will try not to touch it at all today, but then if she calls and I miss it, then she'll hate me all over again!

I'm trying to do different things, but right now all I can think of is what today should have been and stupid things we used to do or say to each other. All I have in my head is her looking at me saying she really loves me last time I was with her.

Break-ups are the hardest thing in the world!!

You move on by occupying yourself with something else to take your mind off it.

Watch a movie, go for a walk, go shopping, read a book, have a girlie pamper night, cook a meal, write a letter/email to someone you haven't spoke to in ages etc...

I'll be blunt but honest now, you've been on and off with her since you met, so it was never going to last and didn't sound much of a relationship anyway. How did you cope when you split up in the past?

Get out and have some fun and who knows who you will meet

lufcgirl

shellsuit wrote: »

You move on by occupying yourself with something else to take your mind off it.

Watch a movie, go for a walk, go shopping, read a book, have a girlie pamper night, cook a meal, write a letter/email to someone you haven't spoke to in ages etc...

I'll be blunt but honest now, you've been on and off with her since you met, so it was never going to last and didn't sound much of a relationship anyway. How did you cope when you split up in the past?

Get out and have some fun and who knows who you will meet

lol I know! Seriously reading that back does just remind me that I am better off out of it. When it was good it was really good but when it was bad it was the worst thing ever. I know she doesn't deserve me, I know she needs help, I know I need to just get over it but it's actually not that simple! As much as I'm trying. Seriously trying.
She had text me amongst the millions of phone calls the other night saying she had something to tell me, and I foolishly ignored them all. And now it's playing on my mind what she would have said. Yesterday she said she would have said that she doesn't care if I'm alive or dead, that's the only reason she would call so much! So untrue, and proves a lot of what she is saying is lies.

I'd like to be friends with her, not even 'sleeping' friends because that wouldn't happen without arrangement, I just want her to speak to me a little, ask how our days are etc...I'm not ready to just cut off all contact yet.
I hope this makes sense, and I am trying my damned hardest to move on from the relationship side, but we were friends before that and I'd have hoped after too as we always said that.

BitterAndTwisted

She's obviously not right in the head and now she's playing games with you. Delete her number and get a new one yourself.

Ladyhawk

lufcgirl wrote: »

I'd like to be friends with her, not even 'sleeping' friends because that wouldn't happen without arrangement, I just want her to speak to me a little, ask how our days are etc...I'm not ready to just cut off all contact yet.
I hope this makes sense, and I am trying my damned hardest to move on from the relationship side, but we were friends before that and I'd have hoped after too as we always said that.

Believe me - it is best for all if you cease all contact immediately. It hurts so much now but in the long run it wll be better. She has shown that she doesn't care how much she hurts you and basically is a self centred, manipulative, spiteful, lying... um... woman. She is not going to change that.

We all say that we will always be friends when we are in love and that we can't imagine our lives without them in... but guess what? the dawn follows the darkness, spring follows winter and you are better off with people who don't say such awful things to you.

lufcgirl

You are all right! And she'll be back before long wanting to talk, and I promise to try and ignore it.

Anyway I've had a good afternoon, been talking to an old friend who has made me laugh, and I haven't even had to watch what I say at all without fear of offending them or not speaking to me! It's been good.

jascrawf

I agree with most of the other replies - you have to cut contact. My aunt split with her partner of 10 years or so (he left her) and it's now almost 3 years down the line and she is still not over him. Her life is on hold and it's sad because everyone else knows he's not coming back except her, she's holding on to hope and wasting her life in the meantime.

She doesn't deserve you pining after her. She doesn't deserve your friendship, your kindness or your love. Try to focus on the things she has done that have angered or hurt you. I think it's easier to get over a break up that way, the love turns into anger and it gives you the strength to move on. Delete her number, change yours too so she can't contact you and focus on your future. You have to do what's right for you, protect yourself and get your life back on track without her. Don't risk getting into a situation where in 6 months time she's started seeing someone else and you're in the background, still pining for her, it's unbearable. Good luck, try to take the advice you've been given from everyone - even though it hurts and is ripping your insides out.

Emmzi

change the name against her number in your phone to "unstable cow" or something similar that will make you think twice.

you do not nee to keep thousands of texts, they weigh heavy around your neck. delete, delete, delete! have an ex bonfire of all the stuff and mementos. Is the best way!