Just received this - please help

yonny_2

poor you OP !! I really feel for you! As others have said - get as much info as you can - forewarned is fore armed - tell him not to tell his wife as you dont want hubby to know you know!
Try to stay strong - Is there really no one around you can talk to?
We're always here to offer support !! big hug!:)

Doorstep_horror

Unfortunately there is no one for me to confide in thats why i turned to you all, all documents are in cupboard I know exactly where they are.

I don't want to pack his stuff up as he'll know something's up, I just need to get through the weekend until he's away again.

I would like to say thanks to everyone who's offered support to me.

MrMoo123

Wooooooah witch hunt!!! Calm down people you've all but proven this man guilty because someone has put a letter through a door - just because he has previous doesn't make him guilty of it this time.

I question the motive of the person who posted the letter. Think about it - if you found out your husband/wife was having an affair with someone else who was married would you really do this?? Sounds suspect to me. IF you were really that bothered about other person's spouse you'd go straight round there shouting the odds, not post a bloody letter!

But in any case you really need to find out all you can from the poster of this letter before you start packing your husbands bags. Reality check.

sharonfrancis

Yes you want to keep things sweet until you know full story, where you stand legally, what YOU want to do with the house, kids etc. it makes you such a powerful person when telling him you know and him realising you have everything mapped out!!

As I said earlier make sure he doesnt find out you know. this happened to me in the past (fortunately no kids involved). Found text messages on his phone - the first thing I did was get on the phone and shout and scream - he had an hours drivng to do before he could come back to our flat which he did almost immediately BUT plenty of time to concoct some !!!! n bull story. I bitterly regret that now! As you can imagine we didnt last!!

NAR

Doorstep I know you know documents are in cupboard, but for how long? Might be advisable to copy some of the more important ones if you can - small price to pay!

Seanymph

Your husband could (and I only say this to placate MrMoo) be working on his exit plan - and could have been doing so for a long time. It's possible. My MIL got completely shafted by my FIL who had an affair for seven years then left, taking everything he'd managed to secrete and all the furniture!

You need to look at your own exit plan - quickly and quietly without giving anything away.

Photocopy his wage slips - inland revenue documents - your joint tax credits - his national insurance details, his passport, all utility bills, bank statements, account numbers, his pension details and anything else you can think of that didn't occur to me as I was typing...

Type out letters to close join accounts transferring any overdrafts to his new account and wait to get him to sign them.

You need to ensure several things;

Your house is secure for you and the children (this may not be possible as his name is solely on the mortgage).
YOu will be left with zero debt if at all possible.
You have as much as possible in savings secreted that he can't get at.
If he's buying a house he may have hidden the money OR he's got another mortgage - either way you can guarantee he'll pay his bills first!
You need to be able to communicate yourself with all the council trax/utility bills/mobile phone providers - is the car insurance in your name? Is the car registered to you?

Start making lists - I can promise you he will be more amenable in the first few weeks than he ever will again - get as much agreed as possible, and take as much control as you can over your household and you and your children.

It's awful because this is the time you will just want to hide and fall to bits - and you need to be stronger and think harder than you ever have done before.

claire16c

I agree I would make some copies. Dont let him hide anything from you. Someone I know tried to hide all kinds of pension funds and shares from his ex.

sorewinner

Much like a hoax, to be quite honest

Lotus-eater

sorewinner wrote: »

Much like a hoax, to be quite honest

It doesn't sound anything like a hoax, he's going to send proof through to her email. What more do you need?

vax2002

Dont shoot the messenger, they are probably a victim as well, call them when it suits and get the full story.
Hear this first then work out what to do next, but revenge should never be part of the plan when kids are involved.