Just received this - please help

Spendless

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

so you split up with him? and made the decision of your own volition? so why do you care? more specifically why should you care? you dont want to be with him, so whats the point?

Because most people don't 'get over' a split, meet someone else, start up a relationship and be seeing them enough to attract the attention of the other womens husband in a week, well not in my world they don't.

*Louise*

Sorry to hear that OP, what a horrible shock that must have been

Whether it turns out to be true or not your feelings in the interim are still the same so you need to get past that part first. Focus your attention on gethering information. You can't decide if it's real or not until you have this 'evidence' and can judge for yourself.

I hope you are ok x

webitha

im sorry your having to go through this on your own hun, we are all here for you

one thing i will say and it pains me to say it, you cannot throw out his belongings and change the locks or block his access as he has a legal right to live there......for now
although personally i would shred the lot and pour pepper in his undies lol

zzzLazyDaisy

I am sorry to hear about your problems. I agree with the others that until you have further information it is probably best not to say anything to your OH.

However, if what you have been told is true, things are likely to move fast, once the cat is out of the bag. So for now, I echo the advice of other posters - please take photocopies of all relevant documents and keep them somewhere safe. I know from my cousin's experience that documents can disappear overnight, never to be seen again.

Also, if you don't have a current account in your own name, open one now, with a different bank from the one you use for household account. If the stuff hits the fan, you will need somewhere to pay in your CB/IS/CSA/CTC money, and you will be glad that you already have an account set up and ready to use.

Also please go and see a solicitor about your rights to remain in the house with the children. Ask around, and get a good lawyer who specialises in divorce. That does not mean that you have to start divorce proceedings straight away (or at all if you dont want to) but it pays to know what your rights are.

gratefulforhelp_2

webitha wrote: »

im sorry your having to go through this on your own hun, we are all here for you

one thing i will say and it pains me to say it, you cannot throw out his belongings and change the locks or block his access as he has a legal right to live there......for now
although personally i would shred the lot and pour pepper in his undies lol

I think you'll find she can change the locks (she lost her keys et.c et.c,) but that he is then entitled to force entry to the home.

Tiddlywinks

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

My head is still in the shed, not really sure how I'm going to handle it, but one things for sure he's not going to get away with it again.

Things will get nasty but I have to think of my little ones and do what's right for them.

Why do things need to get nasty? You'll screw with his head more by acting unemotional about it (no matter how much you want to punch him in the chops). If you kick off then he can turn the tables and use your feelings to his advantage. I'd bet he's good at emotional manipulation seeing as you've already taken him back once before for the same thing.

When the time is right, just sit him down and say you want to finalise the split, that you know about his affair and that you can now see that he cannot be trusted - just state it as a matter of fact. Emphasise that he has obligations to yourself and the children and then let him talk from there. Just keep repeating that you're worth more than what he is prepared to give - and believe it!

January20

djdido2 wrote: »

Can't really comment as I have no experience of this but must have been a bombshell despite those on here thinking that you should be able to get on with it because you were separated anyway (rolls eyes), sending hugs, be strong. xxx

I have experience of separating from my husband under the pretence that we had grown apart, only to find out a little later on that he had been having an affair.

If my feelings at the time were anything to go by, it doesn't matter that the OP and her H had separated, the fact is that he cheated on her all the same, the emotional hurt will be the same, she will be feeling betrayed and will be feeling that he has lied to her. He allowed her to think they had nothing in common anymore but in fact he was looking elsewhere. He allowed her to think that she was a great part of the reasons their relationship had broken down, when in fact, because he was having an affair, his heart was probably not in it anymore.

When they come to divorce, if he still is with the woman he is having the affair with, it could mean difficulties for the OP. Her H will not be making decisions on his own, he will be influenced by the opinions and wants of another person, a person who is far from being objective in how things work out. It could also have an effect on the children. This is why, although they have been separated for a week, it is important whether he had an affair or not.

I can't believe either that so many people think she should just ignore it because they have been separated - for a whole WEEK!

G51shopaholic

Hate to say it but a leporad doesn't change its spots!!

Kick him out the door - you have the kids - you took him back the last time and this is how he repays you!!!

KICK HIM OUT KICK HIM OUT KICK HIM OUT

See how far him & his fancy women get!

Doorstep_horror

Thank you all for you kind words and advice.

I have my own bank account, we've never had joint accounts.

I know things will get nasty because they did last time (not my doing).

I am waiting for op to send some stuff via email

Caroline_a

Lots of sensible advice here - imho you never really know someone until you leave them. My ex did all sorts of horrendous vindictive things that I wouldn't have believed of him.

Stay safe, OP, look after you and your kids. Let him rot...