Just received this - please help

zzzLazyDaisy

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

It was him that told me about the mortgage.

The simple fact is that you have no way of knowing whether anything he tells you is true. But since there is nothing you can do about it, there isn't any point in worrying about it at this stage.

I do suggest that you consider consulting another solicitor though. First, you do not have to be on benefits to qualify for legal aid - an assessment can be done on your current income. Also I am concerned that you were advised to telephone the mortgage adviser as s/he would not be able to discuss the matter with you, since you are not on the mortgage.

In any event, you are presumably now in the process of applying for income support which is a passport benefit for legal aid.

Here is some information about legal aid

http://www.divorceaid.co.uk/legal/legal-aid.htm

Daisy

(please note I am not a divorce lawyer and I don't have any specialist expertise in this field... but I helped my best friend through a really nasty divorce two years ago, so I learned a bit along the way...)

Doorstep_horror

Evening all, just checking in to have a bit of a rant, need to get things off my chest.

Had a really bad day yesterday I felt like I needed to constantly cry, my eyes would well up but nothing would come out.

Yet today is totally different, do you ever feel like you have the words door mat tattooed on your forehead? Because I'm sure I have. I feel like I'm bending over backwards to accommodate him, explaining myself to him. Yet I'm getting nothing back in return he's just taking the p out of me still. But I feel I have to keep being this way for my little ones and not rock the boat.

I'm really hoping when he finally gets his place sorted things will change.

He won't even give me a deffinate figure on how much he's going to contribute to the up keep of his children, or give me any deffinate days on when he'll see them, we'll play it be ear is all he keeps saying, but I'm expected to drop everything when he decides he wants to see them. Again I'm backing down because it's important for them to see him. I still feel like he's calling all the shots.

Feel a bit better now but I could rant for pages!!

adamantine

the kids need consistency though. next time he pops up saying he wants to see them in half an hour just tell him straight out there needs to be set days and times so the kids know what is happening.

how is the legal stuff going on?

the ups and downs are normal. its all part of the grieving process.

Doorstep_horror

Legal bits not going to well, trying to find a new solicitor, I have the kids off school this week so it's going to have to be put on hold for a week.

I've told him they need to know that they're see daddy on xyz day, but he says that until he's sorted ie new house we just have to play it this way.

Emmzi

I think you might find you are quite busy with the kids most days if he isn't planning in advance, and will continue to be until there is a notice period of when he will be collecting.

MarilynMonroe_2

Don't let him ''play it by ear'' because he'll just start taking the pee - he'll be late to pick them up, he'll miss out days when he's to take them, and he'll expect to turn up at a drop of a hat when it suits him, and he'll turn down times if he's got something else planned - Make him stick to set times and stick by it and if he messes up make sure the kids know he messed up! I would be firm in this otherwise it will be you and the kids constantly waiting on him and him having control of your life!

good luck xxx

blue_monkey_2

Certainly do not let him walk all over you, pick a day and time, if he cannot make it then tough! he finds the time. if his bit on the side takes preference then tough he loses out.

You are overestimating how much this will affect the children IMO, you do this because you feel guil, because you 'ended it' officially. You have nothing to feel guilty for and you have saved yourselves a lot of heartache.

It is bedtime for me now so enjoy your week, was just checking in to see how you were.

Caroline_a

Hi DH, hope you're feeling a bit more 'up' today! I agree with what's been said, as far as access goes, Pick a day/time that is convenient for YOU and the children. Then say, you can have the children on, say, Saturday at 9 until 6. If he says that's not convenient, personally I would stick to your guns and say well Sunday doesnt work for me (examples of course). Full Stop.

I would also keep a diary of everything that has happened with access, then if it goes to court you can say things like week x, y and z he was offered access didnt want it, didnt turn up, was 3 hours late with no contact. He can deny it, but if you have it all down in hard copy in a diary it's difficult for him to deny.

As far as maintenance is concerned, I seem to remember that you have a CSA application lodged. Once that comes through there will be things in place to make him pay, so although it's a long-term solution, it will happen. In the meantime I would ask him when his first payment is going to happen - tell him it's so you can sort your budget out - and if he starts saying he can't afford it this month, then you should point out that if he doesnt pay the mortgage he is unlikely to be able to either get another one or use your house as equity. I don't think over-paying will mean he can leave it for a few months, but perhaps someone else can confirm this?

gratefulforhelp_2

Emmzi wrote: »

I think you might find you are quite busy with the kids most days if he isn't planning in advance, and will continue to be until there is a notice period of when he will be collecting.

Quite so.

OP you are becoming his doormat - that what you want?

He does not tell you about contact, you agree it between you.

He does not tell you about CS - the minimum is set down in law.

You need to get a new solicitor as priority. Take the kids with you if there is no alternative, don't wait.

Triker

Can't remember if you already know this but please find a Family Law Solicitor... not all solicitors are the same.

If you have a look online or yellow pages, see if they state that they deal with divorce and childcare arrangements.

I'd get on to it now and save yourself a world of pain hun, I think you already instinctively know where this is going and your ex is going to continue being the selfish, inconsiderate turd he already is.

Good luck, cheering you on from the sidelines here, amongst many others I suspect.