Just received this - please help

shelle2

OP may be concerned that she'll get less through CSA than with the agreement with husband. He'd originally said he'd pay the mortgage and presumably the £150-£200 separate to that.

She probably wants to see how the arrangement pans out before burning any bridges.

Flee_2

I am currently getting divorced and have 2 children 10 and 7 years old. I was told by my solicitor to apply to the CSA. When I looked into it I was entitled to £250 a month. That is an average for 2 kids who stay at their Dad's house twice a week. I can imagine OP can get that or more.

I doubt that OP's ex-OH will be paying the mortgage and £150-200 a month. And if he is agreeing to this, then be careful. He will not want to pay out so much to OP and then be having to pay for his life style with his "thing."

Lotus-eater

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

Forgot to say it's my fault that she's moving in with him, because if I hadn't received that letter off her husband she would have stayed in her house but now she has no choice.

That doesn't make any sense, her husband knew already....

paulwellerfan

good luck op
its not the end of the world though i guess it feels like it at the moment.
just want to say that you will get over this, most of us do, and we all appear to be so much stronger for it.
however maybe think to the future a bit.
will you go back to work? and have a life out side the home.

i thought when this !!!! happened to me it was the end of the world however i sat down and relflected.
i realised i still had a life, even with two small children.
and went to uni and got a degree and stuck my two fingers up to the ex.

btw he never provided a house or any mantainace. i didnt want it.
good luck with your future

bewilderedhelpneeded

Doorstep - he isn't going to stop paying the mortgage anytime soon - the mortgage is in his name only. If he does not pay it he hasn't a hope in hells chance of remortgaging the house! Whats more likely to happen is that he won't stick to the private agreement re maintenance. Thats why you need to get the CSA involved asap

carefullycautious

I hope you are going to give all the evidence to your solicitor to help your case.

sassyblue

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

Doorstep - he isn't going to stop paying the mortgage anytime soon - the mortgage is in his name only. If he does not pay it he hasn't a hope in hells chance of remortgaging the house! Whats more likely to happen is that he won't stick to the private agreement re maintenance. Thats why you need to get the CSA involved asap

That is an excellent point, he has to keep paying that otherwise he has no chance of remortgaging or getting another mortgage.

Oh dear, so they've been chucked out and have to shack up together, meanwhile he has to keep paying the mortgage and hopefully soon the CSA will be onto him. Loves young dream eh? :rotfl:

lotus-eater, l think her hubby said it was her fault for receiving a letter, :rotfl: he's obviously furious someone else blew the whistle on him but thinks he can blame doorstep.

wannabehermit

Hi doorstep-horror. I've been following your thread since the start but not had anything to add until this point. Please deal with maintenance through the CSA. Just becasue he says now that he will pay for your DC doesn't mean that in 6 months time he will stick to that. My experience is pretty dire. My ex I had an agreement where he paid me x amount each month, that was fine for 6 months but then it stopped, on asking him a few months later things got messy, police involved etc. When I contacted the CSA I was only able to put a claim in from that day, could not have it backdated to when he stopped paying. All that is irrelevant in my case as he got himself the sack the day the CSA letter came through and hasn't worked a day since (over 3 years now). But what I'm getting at is if you put theclaim in now youy can then claim money from the time he stops paying you. You can continue to deal with him directly, i.e. he gives you the cash, but when he does start playing silly bugges you've got CSA backing immediately. Just because it's a CSA claim doesn't mean it has to go through his wages.

Also from reading what other posters have put about this dom scene, it may not even be his choice to stop paying you money from your LOs, by the sound sof things if she decides he's no longer paying you then he'll do as he's told.

Good luck, well done for having kept your head screwed on through all of this, I think you've been doing great since that bombshell was dropped on your doorstep.

Seanymph

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

Deposit is coming from mortgage reserve, and they said he can have 85% mortgage raised against this property.

Soa I did no line but didnt post it will get on to it soon.

I don't think she's rolling in it, part time job, rented property, unless she gets money from her website and movies.

Going to sort out clinic appoitment for next week.

NO NO NO NO NO!!!

He does NOT get to use marital assets to fund his new house NO NO NO.

*someone may have put this, I'm playing catch up, got this far and HAD to respond.

The equity in your property (which is MUCH more than 10,000 believe me if he can use it to fund another house!) - is at least half yours. If you allow him to take it out (and the bank will, because it's in his sole name) then you LOSE THAT MONEY.

that money is yours and his - not his and hers - but you will have to stop him because you aren't on the mortgage.

Talk to your solicitor monday and quickly.

wifeanddaughter

Good luck OP.

This time last year I was in a similar but not identical situation. No other woman was involved but my OH had tried some rather exotic substances, gone psychotic and ended up being arrested. In terms of outcome I did go through the divorce process but as the only wage earner would not have recieved any support, and would in fact had to have bought him a property and probably paid him maintenance. However, with counselling, family therapy we are sorting things out BUT, and I think someone has mentioned this, I wouldn't have been in a position to do this without the support of Women's Aid. They were brilliant, objective and supportive. I am currently about half way through the pattern changing course and have found this invaluable - it has made me realise so much about myself and why I accepted things I did and what changes I needed to make in the way I think and my natural behaviours (which basically is to avoid conflict at all cost).

I would echo the advice of others re the solicitor and CSA but would also ask you to consider getting support for yourself from an organisation like Women's Aid - it isn't just for women whose partners are violent but for women whose partners have abused them emotionally (like yours has done).

You come across as a strong caring mother and I wish you all the best for the future.