Just received this - please help

Silver-Cat

I hate to say this but it looks like he is one step ahead and is cleaning up behind him. If he is now not staying there hopefully the next lot of statements will arrive at your address.

Is he still living in your home? I'm not sure how quickly banks update addresses but I remember when I did this the last statements did go to my old address so fingers crossed.
It looks like for now this is the only way you will see his statements.

Hope this all resolves for you and your children so you can get on with your lives away from someone who seems very weak in his mind of what a relationship is. Like thousands on here I have also been through an awful divorce although no children but what it did was it made me realise that I deserved much better, and so do you.

Doorstep_horror

Statements a few an far between, not sure if he's gone paperless.

I've been having a look through his stuff quite often as after he left last time I wanted to cover my back.

Hoping to take littles out this afternoon for a little treat cheer them up a bit, mind you they seem fine. They have said they miss him but nothing else. I have made them aware that if they need to cry, scream or shout then that is fine, and if they want to talk about daddy that's also fine.

Spoken to tax credits have that in place, benefits should be sorted soon. I have got him to agree to give me £150-£200 per month but we'll see if he sticks to that.

Getting my bank statements sorted on Monday for council tax. I know my little savings will be wiped out by legal aid, but I'll just have to start again.

Go treat pots started for little ones and said when we reach £20 we will go somewhere do something with it.

System

I just have to ask, OP, re "Spoken to tax credits have that in place, benefits should be sorted soon."

How on earth did you manage that in less than 3 days?! I reckon if you can manage that feat you will not need much advice on here.

princessdreamer

Credit check him, use your savings to clear your debts.

princessdreamer

Purbeck wrote: »

I just have to ask, OP, re "Spoken to tax credits have that in place, benefits should be sorted soon."

How on earth did you manage that in less than 3 days?! I reckon if you can manage that feat you will not need much advice on here.

You pick up the phone, I only had a 2 day gap between being it based on 2 people to in my sole name.

claire16c

Doorstep have you called the CSA yet?

I honestly think doing that could be one of the most important things you do.

Whatever money he says he will give you for the mortgage/food whatever, you can not be sure will happen - especially after he has moved out. There is nothing legally to make him do this. Dont trust anything he says. He could do it this month and then stop it the next.

Someone I know had an ex who said he would pay her mortgage (as she was living in the house with the kids) for 2 years, then theyd sell up and split the money. Well after about 6 months he apparently got fed up and changed his mind - stopped the payments and demanded they sell the house right away.

You need to call the csa. Any money he gives you should be over and above the child support.

princessdreamer

do things properly my ex said I coul live in our home till the day I died, next thing he needs the money as GF is pressuring him.

System

princessdreamer wrote: »

You pick up the phone, I only had a 2 day gap between being it based on 2 people to in my sole name.

Ah yes good thinking lol, I hadn't thought of them being ALREADY in receipt of tax credits...I was just going back to when I applied as a single person lol, usually it took longer just to rec' the forms etc

busiscoming2

claire16c wrote: »

Doorstep have you called the CSA yet?

I honestly think doing that could be one of the most important things you do.

Whatever money he says he will give you for the mortgage/food whatever, you can not be sure will happen - especially after he has moved out. There is nothing legally to make him do this. Dont trust anything he says. He could do it this month and then stop it the next.

Someone I know had an ex who said he would pay her mortgage (as she was living in the house with the kids) for 2 years, then theyd sell up and split the money. Well after about 6 months he apparently got fed up and changed his mind - stopped the payments and demanded they sell the house right away.

You need to call the csa. Any money he gives you should be over and above the child support.

Definitely agree with this. Don't trust him an inch.

laurz

i've just read the whole thread and have nothing of much use to add. you seem a very strong capable woman who is a fantastic mother and in the face of adversity paints on her face and faces life head on!
raising 2 littlies alone is no walk in the park but is so rewarding. i through out my alcoholic abusive ex when my youngest was 6 weeks old and setting up a safe happy home with the children and being the best mum i could was the sweetest revenge.
i love the cosy feeling of it being me and the kids and being happy just us.

possibly the reason your children don't seem too fussed is because he's away so much anyway.

just to add i think it's important to be honest with the kids. i tell them when i'm sad or hurting no matter how hard we try to hide things they know when somethings wrong.