Just received this - please help

basscadette

Our old house was in DH's name only (was his bachelor pad before we met) and when we went to remortgage, the bank were obsessed with signed consents from me, I had to sign a number of forms giving the bank prioroty over my own interests should he default. If he manages to remortgage without you receiving various letters to your address in your name requiring your signature, then he has remortgaged fraudulently, as has been stated above.

That either means he has no mortgage in place for his new property or he has obtained it by deception or he has savings to put down a deposit outside of your current property (which would be half yours).

We also, at one point, had two mortgages, one in DH's nae only and one in both. We had to jump through loads of hoops to do this to prove we oculd afford it so he may find that a stumbling block too.

He sounds like he has thought it all through, he has had months to do so, and is playing on the element of surprise to get you to agree to all sorts of things that had you time and advice, there is no way you would agree to. He thinks he has you over a barrel, time ot teach him otherwise. A woman scorned and all that....

Most of all OP, he has treated you dispicably. And his children by proxy. You hear all kinds of stories from divorced men about how their ex-wives took them for everything they had and they get a lot of sympathy. In your shoes, having heard what you have said about the history, I would squeeze him til the pip squeaks.

RacyRed

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

I once again thank you all for your support.

I'm still really worried about starting all this stuff, csa ect, as I know this aren't going to be pleasant and I really want to keep things nice for the kids.

I'm not at all worried about the mortgage as you all say nothing can be done unit Monday and that's when I'm seeing a solicitor.

I just need to get telling the children done and then we can all start healing.

Doorstep, things will be a lot more pleasant for you and the children if you contact CSA etc now. At the moment your ex is trying to pull the wool over your eyes, seriously he is honey, he knows exactly what he is doing and it isn't with your best interests at heart, no matter what he says.

You keeping things nice for the kids will mostly be making sure that, in the future, they do not have to go without too many of the things they are used to having now. That is where your priority must be now. There is no point trying to keep things sweet with your ex, he is in the wrong, not you or the children, if he has any concience at all he will do all he can to keep things nice for them.

Don't forget that if your ex has been planning, he will know a lot more about what your entitlements are than you do right now. He will do everything he can to make sure you have what he thinks you should have, which is probably a lot less than you are entitled to.

Have you realised that when he tries to fob you off with his claims of him paying the mortgage, he is effectively putting that money towards his own future? When the house is eventually sold he will no doubt claim half the equity.

If he has extended the mortgate to 33 years (presumably from 25 years) he has either taken or plans to take some of the equity out of the house OR he has reduced the amount of mortgage payments due monthly, so the figures you have been wotking on are a) inaccurate and b) 50% of those payments are for his own benefit in the future, when the house is sold!

How does financing his own future feed and clothe his children now?

You are strong love, and you have had a grenade dropped in your lap. For the sake of your children pull the pin and throw that grenade right back at him.

gratefulforhelp_2

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

Payslips and p60s have to be taken into the bank, he gets a very good bonus from work once a year and a smaller one every 3 months.

CSA will need evidence of this to include it in his assessments, and bonus SHOULD be included.

I wish MSE existed when I went through similar, took me months and £££££££££££s to find out all this stuff;)

Caroline_a

Another (not very nice I'm afraid) thought is if he and Miss Whiplash have kids of their own. This is why you should sort this out CSA-wise as soon as possible - attack being the best form of defence!

Doorstep_horror

She's 46 years old, hasn't got any children and does not want any. (apparently - her husband said)

Scorpio33

This other woman's husband. Think of his motivations. He is either really hurt about the fact that his wife is leaving / having an affair -in which case, he is only out to hurt his wife as much as possible, or look after himself. Or he is actually in cahoots with his wife & your ex, and is drip feeding you information to get what they want from you, manipulating you into doing what they want.

Either way, he does not have your best interests at heart, so take everything he says with a pinch of salt. If it was me, I would firstly get a solicitor to look after my interests and also to try and make a life for myself as much as possible. Get out there, join local clubs (possibly kids clubs etc), to get your own circle of friends, and people who can give support you and to give you something outside of this current situation to look forward to.

You need to put on a brave face for your kids, but you need to look forward to the future.

You can't change the past, but you need to act now to get a better life for what you (& your kids) want.

RacyRed

On no!

It has just occured to me that if the other woman is a real Femdom then she is no doubt very used running multiple submissives, of which the OP's husband is the current favorite. That is the normal state of affairs, submissives are never, ever allowed to be jealous.

If her angle on doorstep's ex is financial domination, it is perfectly possible that she has instructed her previous submissive to contact Doorstep at a time calculated to throw Doorstep off her guard, just when she needs to have her wits about her most.

They separated a week ago. Her ex is viewing a house, intending to make an offer today? He has seen his mortgage broker this week? Does anyone else smell one almighty rat here? (And her name is doorstep's ex's new "mistress")

Doorstep, I know this may sound fanciful, but it really is how that particular fetish scene can work. And before anyone asks, yes, I know exactly what I am talking about and no, I'm very definately not going into details. I think there are others posting on this thread who may be able to validate my concerns though.

RacyRed

freemanl wrote: »

This other woman's husband. Think of his motivations. He is either really hurt about the fact that his wife is leaving / having an affair -in which case, he is only out to hurt his wife as much as possible, or look after himself. Or he is actually in cahoots with his wife & your ex, and is drip feeding you information to get what they want from you, manipulating you into doing what they want.

Either way, he does not have your best interests at heart, so take everything he says with a pinch of salt. If it was me, I would firstly get a solicitor to look after my interests and also to try and make a life for myself as much as possible. Get out there, join local clubs (possibly kids clubs etc), to get your own circle of friends, and people who can give support you and to give you something outside of this current situation to look forward to.

You need to put on a brave face for your kids, but you need to look forward to the future.

You can't change the past, but you need to act now to get a better life for what you (& your kids) want.

Great minds and all that

busiscoming2

don't be complacent about anything Doorstep. Whatever he tells you please make sure you find out for yourself. He will lie, lie, lie to make everything easy for himself. You must put any feelings you still have for him away, if not you will probably only regret it later if you let it cloud your judgement now.

I know how hard it is to come to terms with the way someone who loved you so much, can change the way they treat you so quickly.

Doorstep_horror

Racyred my husband is a very jealous person so I really dont know how this is going to pan out.

Good luck to them I say.

I really want to share their meeting site and her web site with you all but I know it's not a good thing to put out.