Just received this - please help

gingin_2

Hi DH, I too just wanted to add my support. I think threads like yours are rare, where 99%+ of the poster are in agreement and offer full support. Take all of the warmth and advice on board.

I think you've just managed to make 100 online friends in just a few days and I am sure in 6 months to a year's time you will be back a very much more content person ( I didn't put stronger because I think you have so much strength already ).

blue_monkey_2

Because some people are still pointing out that the mortgage is in his name, please read this.

From the CAB website: http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/...es.htm#Housing
Marriage

Both married partners have a right to remain in the matrimonial home, regardless of who bought it or has a mortgage on it. This is known as home rights. You will have the right to stay in the home until a court has ordered otherwise, for example, in the course of a separation or divorce settlement.
If you and your partner are divorcing, the long-term right to ownership of your property can be decided during divorce proceedings. The court has the power to transfer property regardless of original ownership. However, if you are not separating legally, the court will only agree to transfer ownership of a property if it is in the best interests of your children.
If you are the sole or joint owner of the home, your partner will not be able to sell it without your agreement.
However, if your partner is the sole owner, you will need to register your home rights in order to protect your interests. Unless you register your home rights, you will not be able to prevent your partner from selling the home or be able to remain there if it is sold.
You can register your home rights, regardless of whether or not you are still living in the home.
You will need to register your home rights with either the Land Registry or at the Land Charges Department, depending on whether your home has already been registered or not.
If you register your home rights, they will show up when buyers do a search on the home. This would make them aware of your right to stay in the home and would prevent the sale going through.
You can find more information about registering your home rights on the Land Registry website at: www.landregistry.gov.uk.
This is a complicated area of the law and you should get expert legal advice.
For more information about getting legal advice, see Using a solicitor, or ask your local Citizens Advice Bureau for help. To search for details of your nearest CAB, including those that can give advice by e-mail, click on nearest CAB.

The OP has registered her home rights and has a letter dated 2009 from a solicitor, so he cannot remortgage without her permission.

blue_monkey_2

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

He was giving me £300 for food. I was then using child benefit, credit card to pay for any other expenses - swimming, ballet, karate etc

Did he say this money was going to continue? I know you are scared but you will get through these next few months. You might have to make some tweaks to your life here and there, but you will come out the better for it and with more independence. There is no denying that this is going to be the start of a very long road though.

Doorstep_horror

No it is not going to continue, but In good money saving I have a fridge freezer and freezer full of food, cupboards full and a good supply of loo rolls washing stuff and pasta.

And also a lot of Christmas presents already bought, and £150 which I have been saving with a hamper company.

Caroline_a

I think probably 90% of people who separate and divorce want to keep it nice for the children. In reality this is not a state of affairs that lasts. As i think I've said before, it's now (for you) about you and the children. For him, it's about him and her. Unfortunately his attitude will be 'well the kids will be fine' because he won't be around for most of the time to see! He will be being pressurised by her to buy this, get that, change this, and his priority will be that.... so he will lie about anything to do with money to shut you up and ensure that she gets what she wants.

It's a time to be cold and calculating if you want to get the best deal for the kids.... they need to be able to stay in their house for as long as possible, and you need to be able to afford it. She won't give a damn... so will push him to lie and cheat to you.

Scorpio33

Was on this site looking at something else, but stumbled on this thread.

My take on it (from a mans perspective).

Sounds to me like he thinks the house is in his name, but he is leaving, so he wants to get as much out of this house as possible before leaving. As far as the bank knows he is living there alone, so he is taking everthing out with Doorstep knowing.

Then once he shacks up with the new woman, he can stop paying the mortgage, bills etc to a) screw doorstep up as much as possible, and b) maximise what money he has to set himself up for his new life (possibly putting in another name to protect it).

To me the fact he has been doing this for months (and has previous) shows that he is keeping things from Doorstep and is only out to look after himself.

On top of that he has even got Doorstep to accept no Child mantainence!

gratefulforhelp_2

blue_monkey wrote: »

The OP has registered her home rights and has a letter dated 2009 from a solicitor, so he cannot remortgage without her permission.

And also one cannot remortgage without the signed agreement of other inhabitants of the property (adult ones).

Doorstep_horror wrote: »

Bank statements are all in his name, they come in he looks at them the rips them up and bins them, same with credit card statements.

One wonders how he remortgaged (would need pay slips) or is he getting them sent elsewhere now?

suze200

DH I feel so sorry for you.

What ever you do keep taking the good advice from folk here and don't stop posting. Just be aware that the "fetish" side of this is very important. If he is submissive to her Domme she will be the one in control and pulling the strings. She may be after his money but he wont care and will be more than willing to let her have it. She will have done it before and knows exactly what she is doing. The guy that gave you the evidence could be her previous submissive partner who is miffed cos he's been replaced.

shelle2

He seems like a calculating so and so, who's priority is himself right now. You deserve a nice life for you and your children. Don't let him intimidate you. He has put himself in this position, just remind him that any decision you make or any action you take is for the welfare of your children.

Doorstep_horror

Payslips and p60s have to be taken into the bank, he gets a very good bonus from work once a year and a smaller one every 3 months.