huge row with husband over leaving wedding early

BugglyB

athina wrote: »

Hmm, well something I should have pointed out earlier is he was the one who told me to put tissue in my ear to block the noise. It worked for about two hours but the music was well above night club levels, taking a guess I think it was around 130-140 decibels in a small Room measuring 10m by 20m. The only way to get away from it was outside and as I said earlier, I stood 10m away outside and could still clearly hear the music and that was with the tissue in my ears! Paracetomal is not the answer for a solution like that.

If I should have stayed until the end when I really didn't want to, does that include staying in that situation until 3/4/5am when 11pm was the time I really wanted to go?

Oh right. In that case, your husband is an awful, awful person and does not deserve you. What an unreasonable pig

BugglyB

pinkclouds wrote: »

Mmm. That's why I don't exactly want to offend. It's just not what we'd do. If the primary care-giver is sober and looking after the baby all night and both of them are happy to stay there all night... well, each to their own. I know that my kids and I wouldn't be happy to do that - noisy drunks are not my idea of fun and my kids get cranky when they don't have enough sleep. The last family wedding we attended, I left in the evening to drive my two back to the hotel and my husband stayed behind. Kids were settled and tucked up safely, sound asleep, while I minded them, and hubby turned up sometime in the small hours. I wouldn't recommended something that I wouldn't do myself. If your child doesn't get distracted by loud noise and is happy to curl up somewhere (your arms or a pushchair) asleep, then maybe you'd have no issue hanging around all night. But in my experience, one bad night affects a whole week and it causes a lot of tiredness (to the parents more than the kids, I suppose, if I'm fair) and just isn't worth it.

Erm, I think what you're saying is that you decided to leave with your children.

I think this is different from your husband sending you home.

athina_2

ringo_24601 wrote: »

A jet plane, taking off, 100m from you, would be 130db.
If someone fired a shotgun next to your ear, it would be 140db.

I think you may be exaggerating on this a little

I thought 100db was the maximum safe level and this is what the average nightclub played at?

Either way, my point was the music was uncomfortably loud and after putting up with it since 7pm, 1am was my breaking point and I couldn't stay any longer as my ears were in pain.

[Deleted User]

Well.. it's all over now. Are you two still upset with one another about the wedding?

There was no right answer. You should have stayed with your man and his 'best man' duties. He should have made sure you were not as uncomfortable as you were.

Yes, there is a threshold where the sheer loudness of the noise causes pain in your ears. (A nightclub will be roughly 110db). Many wedding venues have noise limiters that cut the power if the noise goes over a certain level

You've got to put aside 'who was right/wrong' and try to get on with things

adouglasmhor

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Well.. it's all over now. Are you two still upset with one another about the wedding?

There was no right answer. You should have stayed with your man and his 'best man' duties. He should have made sure you were not as uncomfortable as you were.

Yes, there is a threshold where the sheer loudness of the noise causes pain in your ears. (A nightclub will be roughly 110db). Many wedding venues have noise limiters that cut the power if the noise goes over a certain level

You've got to put aside 'who was right/wrong' and try to get on with things

The wedding was overseas though, possibly noise limiters are not common wherever it was.

euronorris

ringo_24601 wrote: »

You should have stayed with your man and his 'best man' duties.

Why? I seriously don't get why anyone has to stay there any longer than they want to. I don't know why anyone would want people to stay at their wedding when they aren't enjoying themselves.

I also don't understand why the wife/gf (or husband/bf) is expected, by some, to take on the same responsibilities at the wedding that their partner has? It wasn't their choice, and they may not even know the bride and groom very well, so why is it their responsibility as well? IMO, it absolutely is not! If someone wishes to stay to the bitter end and help their partner in this way, that is their choice, but it certainly is NOT an obligation.

My OH wouldn't expect me to stay at any event, and vice versa. Even if he was best man, or I was Chief Bridesmaid.

FWIW, whilst I don't think a big thing should be made of this between the OP and her husband, I do think they need to agree some ground rules on what to do if this ever comes up again. Otherwise, it will only repeat and become a much bigger thing than it already is.

Oh, and Jim's posts did make me laugh! OH had high hopes for my sister's wedding and ending up looking after me for most of the night instead (and probably didn't get any sleep either with all my coughing). Bless him.

balletshoes

ringo_24601 wrote: »

A jet plane, taking off, 100m from you, would be 130db.
If someone fired a shotgun next to your ear, it would be 140db.

I think you may be exaggerating on this a little.

I would have been very, very disappointed if my best man had gone home early at my wedding. Was there no where you could have gone to sit out the rest of the evening and let your 'headache' calm down?

Is there a female equivalent of 'man-ning up'? What if this was your best friend's wedding? Would you be willing to go home early because your bloke had a headache?

as I understood it, the OP didn't ask, or expect, her OH, the best man, to leave the wedding early (at 1am) with her.

[Deleted User]

euronorris wrote: »

Why? I seriously don't get why anyone has to stay there any longer than they want to. I don't know why anyone would want people to stay at their wedding when they aren't enjoying themselves.

Because sometimes you've got to do stuff in life you don't actually want to do. Like stick by your partner even when you don't like the place you're in.

If my wife was a bride of honor, it wouldn't matter how crappy a time I was having at a wedding, I would stick with her to the very end. Because that's the supportive thing to do.

More realistically, I know if I was in that situation, i'd have told my wife to have gone back to the hotel and get some rest (and let me enjoy myself without worrying about her being uncomfortable).

euronorris

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Because sometimes you've got to do stuff in life you don't actually want to do. Like stick by your partner even when you don't like the place you're in.

I don't feel that a wedding falls into this category though. Attending with them, yes, but having to stay with them until the bitter end 'just because' doesn't make sense, IMO.

If my wife was a bride of honor, it wouldn't matter how crappy a time I was having at a wedding, I would stick with her to the very end. Because that's the supportive thing to do.

I don't feel the need to have my OH there to support me at a wedding though. It's a wedding, it wouldn't be my wedding and it's not a funeral (or something equally upsetting). And if they were unhappy, tired or ill, then I'd rather they went home/back to the hotel and let me get on with enjoying myself.

IMO, no matter how much someone plasters on a 'I'm happy' face, it is transparent, and I'd rather they went home, rather than have me worrying about them all night.

Additionally, I especially do not see why anyone's need to be supported at a wedding, should be put before my partners health. That seems ludicrous to me!

More realistically, I know if I was in that situation, i'd have told my wife to have gone back to the hotel and get some rest (and let me enjoy myself without worrying about her being uncomfortable).

I agree with your last point, and that is what I would have done also.

JBD

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Because sometimes you've got to do stuff in life you don't actually want to do. Like stick by your partner even when you don't like the place you're in.

If my wife was a bride of honor, it wouldn't matter how crappy a time I was having at a wedding, I would stick with her to the very end. Because that's the supportive thing to do.

More realistically, I know if I was in that situation, i'd have told my wife to have gone back to the hotel and get some rest (and let me enjoy myself without worrying about her being uncomfortable).

Attending a wedding [even as a member of the wedding party] isn't meant to be an ordeal! Why the need to be 'supportive'? Surely someone can stay to the end without their partner being there, if that is making the partner feel uncomfortable or unwell.
And to all the people saying she should have taken paracetamol, not the safest thing to do if she had been drinking alcohol.