huge row with husband over leaving wedding early

balletshoes

pinkclouds wrote: »

I've deleted quite a lot of what I wrote. I don't exactly want to offend as such but I feel I must say *something* about lengthy parties attended by people who may be drinking alcohol rather freely and the appropriateness of young kids attending them for long periods of time. Teens are different. Toddlers are just too young.

but there again, if the whole family were on holiday abroad, so therefore not in their normal routine, and they were at a wedding where it was perfectly usual to have the children there until the end of the night, I don't think theres anything wrong in going off baby's routine for the wedding celebrations. Its a different matter to me if both baby's parents were drinking alcohol and so no-one was taking care of the baby's needs properly. If mum (or dad) is sober and the baby isn't distressed and is still gurgling away late on, I don't see anything wrong with that.

pinkclouds

balletshoes wrote: »

but there again, if the whole family were on holiday abroad, so therefore not in their normal routine, and they were at a wedding where it was perfectly usual to have the children there until the end of the night, I don't think theres anything wrong in going off baby's routine for the wedding celebrations. Its a different matter to me if both baby's parents were drinking alcohol and so no-one was taking care of the baby's needs properly. If mum (or dad) is sober and the baby isn't distressed and is still gurgling away late on, I don't see anything wrong with that.

Mmm. That's why I don't exactly want to offend. It's just not what we'd do. If the primary care-giver is sober and looking after the baby all night and both of them are happy to stay there all night... well, each to their own. I know that my kids and I wouldn't be happy to do that - noisy drunks are not my idea of fun and my kids get cranky when they don't have enough sleep. The last family wedding we attended, I left in the evening to drive my two back to the hotel and my husband stayed behind. Kids were settled and tucked up safely, sound asleep, while I minded them, and hubby turned up sometime in the small hours. I wouldn't recommended something that I wouldn't do myself. If your child doesn't get distracted by loud noise and is happy to curl up somewhere (your arms or a pushchair) asleep, then maybe you'd have no issue hanging around all night. But in my experience, one bad night affects a whole week and it causes a lot of tiredness (to the parents more than the kids, I suppose, if I'm fair) and just isn't worth it.

Brighton_belle

Any wrote: »

I also do think that walking around with tissue in ones eares is a bit... well.... OTT.

Where as to me it seems a calm sensible adult thing to do tolook after her own needs: she had a bad headache and the music was very loud - the op did tell anyone or make a fuss, but looked after herself to try and stay longer by putting tissues discretely in her ears. The OP stressed that with her long hair it couldn't be seen.

poet123

pinkclouds wrote: »

Mmm. That's why I don't exactly want to offend. It's just not what we'd do. If the primary care-giver is sober and looking after the baby all night and both of them are happy to stay there all night... well, each to their own. I know that my kids and I wouldn't be happy to do that - noisy drunks are not my idea of fun and my kids get cranky when they don't have enough sleep. The last family wedding we attended, I left in the evening to drive my two back to the hotel and my husband stayed behind. Kids were settled and tucked up safely, sound asleep, while I minded them, and hubby turned up sometime in the small hours. I wouldn't recommended something that I wouldn't do myself. If your child doesn't get distracted by loud noise and is happy to curl up somewhere (your arms or a pushchair) asleep, then maybe you'd have no issue hanging around all night. But in my experience, one bad night affects a whole week and it causes a lot of tiredness (to the parents more than the kids, I suppose, if I'm fair) and just isn't worth it.

An occasional change in routine shouldn't have an overly negative impact on small children. Most can sleep anywhere if they are comfortable, and noise isnt usually an issue.

Person_one wrote: »

The old 'dutiful wife' routine eh?

I expect the best man to make a speech, then to relax and enjoy himself. I have absolutely no expectations of the best man's partner.

At the last wedding I went to, the best man's wife (the groom's sister in law) was more than 9 months pregnant and in fact gave birth a couple of days after. Should she have stayed to the bitter end to support her husband?

(By the way, I've no idea if she did stay to the end because I'm a normal person and paid absolutely zero attention to whether she was being wifely enough!)

The old female repression card is out then? Never mind that I clearly stated that the same should apply to the bridesmaid and her partner.;) Dutiful wife and wifely duties....please!


Obviously, the expectation re the partner would not be on the part of the other guests, but on their OH who wanted his partner by his side. In any good partnership it is the mutual support that is important, and if it is reciprocated there is no issue, it is only when it is one sided that problems arise.

With regard to giving birth imminently that is a tad different to a headache wouldn't you say? or are the two comparable in your eyes?

POPPYOSCAR

poet123 wrote: »

An occasional change in routine shouldn't have an overly negative impact on small children. Most can sleep anywhere if they are comfortable, and noise isnt usually an issue.



The old female repression card is out then? Never mind that I clearly stated that the same should apply to the bridesmaid and her partner.;) Dutiful wife and wifely duties....please!


Obviously, the expectation re the partner would not be on the part of the other guests, but on their OH who wanted his partner by his side. In any good partnership it is the mutual support that is important, and if it is reciprocated there is no issue, it is only when it is one sided that problems arise.

With regard to giving birth imminently that is a tad different to a headache wouldn't you say? or are the two comparable in your eyes?

I think it depends.

I was at work right up to and on the day our son was due. However, when I get a headache it comes on really fast, and I am very often violently sick, so I would have to leave if I was in this situation.

All this is academic really the Op has said 'she will suck it up next time' so she could not have felt that bad.

poet123

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I think it depends.

I was at work right up to and on the day our son was due. However, when I get a headache it comes on really fast, and I am very often violently sick, so I would have to leave if I was in this situation.

All this is academic really the Op has said 'she will suck it up next time' so she could not have felt that bad.

I agree it does depend, but generally, the average headache is not of the same magnitude as being as big as a house with swollen feet, and enduring the accompanying tiredness that being past your due date brings.

Stephb1986_2

My h2b left his own mums wedding early because I wasn't well, I was up all night the night before with my head down the toilet and made a real effort to be there and make it a lovely day for his mum.

I think OP that your husband is being selfish and should apologise.

Steph xx

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

I agree it does depend, but generally, the average headache is not of the same magnitude as being as big as a house with swollen feet, and enduring the accompanying tiredness that being past your due date brings.

So who decides what must be dealt with stoically and what you're allowed to leave for?

JBD

Person_one wrote: »

So who decides what must be dealt with stoically and what you're allowed to leave for?

I don't see why anyone should not feel free to leave if they wish. A wedding is supposed to be enjoyable, not a prison sentence. And most married couples nowadays don't consider themselves joined at the hip, in fact some people even attend weddings without their partner.
Although it would seem that the OP's husband doesn't share that view, hence the argument.

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

So who decides what must be dealt with stoically and what you're allowed to leave for?

The person involved, but when they say;

"around 11pm i had a headache and went to put some tiisue in my ears which helped a bit."

It would not be surprising if others felt that trying a more effective remedy could have been tried first, or even at all. And then perhaps ask themselves honestly whether if it had been their bf's wedding they would not have hoped their OH would have at least attempted to take a simple painkiller.