Would you lend your son money late pay day

fluffnutter

victory wrote: »

Thank you hermia but you see I don't qualify this as an emergency like I previously posted sure if he needed I don't know a bus pass to get to work, done, if he needed clothes for his job done, if he needed lunch money done...:D

I think this is crux of it. You're making a value judgement about what is or is not an emergency and have understandably decided that you'll only lend him some money if you deem it an emergency.

There are a number of reasons why I think this approach is ultimately flawed.

1. He should have been paid by his company. If he had his wage packet as scheduled, he'd be free to spend his money however he chose. Your value judgements aren't really relevant when you're talking about someone else's money. If the company came good and advanced him some money now, they wouldn't ask what it was for - they'd just accept that it's in lieu of his earnings, hence up to him what he does with it.

2. By making these assessments for him, you're not actually helping him become good with money. He needs to learn himself what is and isn't worth spending his money on, not have mum and dad continually policing him (which is what, in effect, you're doing).

3. It's a meal out for his girlfriend to celebrate their anniversary. I'd say that's an important thing to spend your money on. What would you rather he spent his money on? Crack?

halibut2209

OP said "then owe money for his first pay day."

But it's NOT his first pay day. It's his first 2 pay days.

I agree with your OH completely.

victory

lostinrates wrote: »

I'd lend it I think.

In fact, I'd probably give it in return for a household task that could be done in a weekend day.

So figures, how much to lend for how much work?

A one off lend and then when he gets paid he gets paid in full ?

Explain to him this is not your fault but don't ask again?

Tropez

victory wrote: »

Yes he would yes but he will owe eg £100 less so to start off with he will as you say £400 instead of £500

But had he been paid on time, he would have spent the £100 by that point anyway. In fact, if he has planned these celebrations in advance, then really, he would have been looking at his first pay day that didn't happen as being £400 instead of £500.

I know when I'm paid, I've already budgeted for everything that has to go out for the month so I view my wages as already being less than what they actually are.

newcook

To be honest victory I think you can be a little mean – my guess is that if he changes his mind about the champers and chocs you will say ‘no, you were offered it before but didn’t want it’.

Please just let your OH lend him the money so he can take his first proper girlfriend out for a grown up, romantic dinner on their first anniversary. If I was your OH I would lend it to him anyway!!


While his girlfriend might say to him it doesn’t matter if they don’t go out, we know as girls that she will feel a little deflated and we all know that it will be you that gets it in the neck because you wouldn’t be kind and help him out and then there will be another thread about what a sulky teenager your lad is!!

You've said before what a nice girl she is and what a good influence she has been on DS - do you not think she deserves to be spoilt on the day?!

poet123

I would lend him the money, and give him the Champagne too. Think of how many worse things he could be asking for money for. You cannot put an anniversary date on hold, the date is set, it simply won't mean the same to them when they look back if it is not on the significant date.

victory

fluffnutter wrote: »

I think this is crux of it. You're making a value judgement about what is or is not an emergency and have understandably decided that you'll only lend him some money if you deem it an emergency.

There are a number of reasons why I think this approach is ultimately flawed.

1. He should have been paid by his company. If he had his wage packet as scheduled, he'd be free to spend his money however he chose. Your value judgements aren't really relevant when you're talking about someone else's money. If the company came good and advanced him some money now, they wouldn't ask what it was for - they'd just accept that it's in lieu of his earnings, hence up to him what he does with it.

2. By making these assessments for him, you're not actually helping him become good with money. He needs to learn himself what is and isn't worth spending his money on, not have mum and dad continually policing him (which is what, in effect, you're doing).

3. It's a meal out for his girlfriend to celebrate their anniversary. I'd say that's an important thing to spend your money on. What would you rather he spent his money on? Crack?

I think you have to have some ground rules, sure son come to us rathern than the credit card companies for help, never go to a lender, we are here to help you, please never be in debt but all of that is fine but this is not an emergency to get him out of a tight spot because they messed up at work.

He is either here or at his gf, he is clothed fed and watered he just right now because of his employers cannot fund his romantic evening out.

No of course not, no need to deteriorate, no not crack or prostitutes or whatever no of course not but the thing is in the grand scheme of things it is unfortunate not a major crisis that he has no disposable income for his celebration

halibut2209

victory wrote: »

Yes he would yes but he will owe eg £100 less so to start off with he will as you say £400 instead of £500

No. He will have £900 instead of £500. He is getting paid double.

Your choice of course, but what goes around comes around. A great way to alienate your son who, in your own words, has been "trying really hard" to better himself.

victory

newcook wrote: »

To be honest victory I think you can be a little mean – my guess is that if he changes his mind about the champers and chocs you will say ‘no, you were offered it before but didn’t want it’.

Please just let your OH lend him the money so he can take his first proper girlfriend out for a grown up, romantic dinner on their first anniversary. If I was your OH I would lend it to him anyway!!


While his girlfriend might say to him it doesn’t matter if they don’t go out, we know as girls that she will feel a little deflated and we all know that it will be you that gets it in the neck because you wouldn’t be kind and help him out and then there will be another thread about what a sulky teenager your lad is!!

You've said before what a nice girl she is and what a good influence she has been on DS - do you not think she deserves to be spoilt on the day?!

Thank you, for calling me mean, your assuming I would say no and take it back off him and assuming as I always say is a dangerous game, no good comes out of assuming:D

Of course you and I and all of us deserve to be spoilt of course we do just not if you do not have the money to do it on that time.

Bennifred

victory wrote: »

It was, it so so was, it got sorted, all calm, he was put in his place, he has been spoken to so severely he knows, he knows he was off the scale, he had a great birthday and is trying real real hard to be a much calmer better son:D

Well that's good.

In that case I would lend him the money as a strict "one off" and on the understanding that it is paid back immediately he gets paid. And once he is being paid regularly he won't have any need to borrow, because he'll be able to save up, won't he?:)