My son is scared of EVERYTHING!

cattie1

vroombroom wrote: »

ds2 is the worrier? is he still there with his father? and he wouldnt let you see him?? and you left him there? have I read that right?

DS1 is oldest with me-the worrier, Ds2 is youngest who ex has at the minute, I may have posted wrong as I keep confusing myself and nearly writing their names!

Jesswithwings wrote: »

I thought OP lived with DS1 who was the worrier, and DS2 is with EXDH .. may be wrong.

Wishing you all the best OP, sounds like an awful situation to be in. Big hugs for you and your little dudes x

Spot on. thank-you

Caroline_a

Can you record the abusive calls OP? I don't think they are admissible in court, but a court welfare officer might be interested to hear them if a welfare report is ordered.

victory

Yes log abusive texts and phone calls, the more you have factually against him the better for you.

blue_monkey_2

'Why have you got the solicitor onto dad' maybe reply 'You know that dad will not let me see or speak to your brother? Well, he is not allowed to do that and a judge will tell him that but the solicitor has to arrange for your dad and I to see the judge - and that is why the solicitor wrote to him'.

Maybe it is time that you did let him know why you did it, he is old enough to know what is going on now and CAFCASS will be wanting to speak to him so you cannot hide that from hime - and it might help with his worrying because there is someone that is going to sort it out.

I have to be honest, you need this order in place, once you have the residence order he can never do this again - because he would most certainly try. Once you have the order you can call the police if it happens again and they will bring your son home.

blue_monkey_2

vroombroom wrote: »

ds2 is the worrier? is he still there with his father? and he wouldnt let you see him?? and you left him there? have I read that right?

The OP is going about this the right way.

It is all very well her going in gung-ho screaming and shouting and trying to break the door down and taking her son but, lawfully, the father has done nothing wrong and as there is no RO in place he can do this. Shocking as it is. He would no doubt call the police and turn it in his favour and this would not help the OP. She needs to keep her head screwed on and get an Emergency Residence Order and then go for a full custody so he cannot do it again.

vroombroom

my mistake OP, I read it wrong, sorry.

Hope you get it sorted, keep us updated x

meritaten

you are doing this the right way OP. but, although I know you try to keep the boys 'out of the fight', you really do have to explain things to them. Like, tell them the truth of the matter! otherwise the ex can really poison them against you. always, always tell them the truth! dont hide things or gloss over them - children know when you do that - and then tend to believe the parent who 'seems' to tell them things - hurtful things, but as its their parent they believe it. Kids arent stupid, and those who are lied to eventually realise it - those kept in the dark will believe what they are told!

cattie1

Thank-you for all the replies.

It's really hard to know if I am doing the right thing, I never want to upset anyone!

Re the calls, I have a book (yes A BOOK) on all of the things he has done/said in the past with dates, I did mention this to solicitor as ex was continually phoning while there and he told us to just deal with the Residency order first.

Willow92

I really hope this gets sorted OP.

blue_monkey_2

It'll be hard cattie but the solicitor is right. At least by continually trying to phone your solicitor could see what kind of person he was and will verify your claims and so they will be more geared up to help you. If that makes sense, you are not just in there making claims as some people do.

You ARE doing the right thing, patience will be the key here, you need to do this to protect your son from this happening again.

The court are not stupid, they will see that he is using the children and they will frown on what he has done quite severely - they will see that he took just one child and not both (as he would have done if he wanted the children that badly) and that will be his downfall. I can imagine he will be lucky to come away from this with weekly supervised visits.

Just let him carry on digging himself into the massive hole he is making for himself. Be calm and patient and you'll get through this. Good luck for today. You ARE doing the right thing - it'll just take a while but this is the right way. I am sure he wants you to go in all guns blaring so it can come back on you - don;t fall into that trap. It'll not be long hun. xx