My son is scared of EVERYTHING!

cattie1

Ravenlady wrote: »

Does ds1 come to stay with you at weekends or during the week?.

As this only happened on Saturday I'm not sure what is happening, but he wont be going back once he is at mine!!

Kay_Peel wrote: »

Could your son be timid and passive because YOU are.

I can't believe that a mother would give up a child to a father because "he decided" that DS1 was going to live with him and put two fingers up to you.

I didn't just "give him up"! he stayed over at his Dads on Friday night as has always been arranged, when I went to pick him up he wouldn't bring DS2 out of the house, I demanded he bring him out,however as the law changed in 1st Dec 2003 and as his name is on the birth certificate, even the police could not do anything as he has legal rights, and he had found this out beforeheand.
I also didn't think it would be right to cause a lot of commotion in front of the children (especially DS1, who is already scared of everything, I really don't think he would need that emotional turmoil along with everyone else.)
So you may think it is ok to be causing an argument in public, or fighting in front of 2 children but I care too much about how it will affect them.

Kay_Peel wrote: »

Personally, I wouldn't have left the solicitors' office shrugging my shoulders and saying "Oh well, it's going to cost to much to get him back. I'll just have to put with it".
And as for the neighbour, I would have been knocking on his door and saying something like: 'If my son has been naughty would you please come to me first and I'll deal with him.'

I also didn't leave the solicitors shrugging my shoulders as you suggest, I left crying my eyes out,and then decided to come on here for advice, I also spoke to a child magistrates judge and made another appointment at different solicitors this Wednesday to see what other options I have.

Ex is a very nasty and intimidating person to me, if you look at my prevous posts you will probably find one where he threw a glass in my face once,and burst my lip another time,but he made sure I was on my own first, however he is VERY charming to everyone else,and no-one can believe he would do that.

I called the school today and ex had gone in requesting information and telling them DS1 now lives with him, however school didn't believe him as I have always been point of contact, They were in complete agreement that I was/am thinking of the childrens best interests when I said I will leave it as it is until I have proper legal advice and as ex is the type of person that woul casue havoc in the playground in front of children it wouldn't be good for anyone.

As for the neighbour. I was going to go over but as I was fuming and about to give him hell my partner went and asked politely that if there was ever a problem could he come and let us know and we would deal with it together, The point I was trying to make was that it probably wouldn't bother normal children but as DS1 is so timid he's even too scared to walk past this mans house now.

Ravenlady wrote: »

If he sees the anxiety, fear and timidity in you then he's going to mirror that behaviour. You've got to show him how to rationalise his fears and overcome them - otherwise he's going to be a very unhappy and unbalanced little boy. Possibly you might not be up to the job - being timid and passive yourself - and might need to seek professional help.

Honest words that may seem harsh, but look at yourself and your responses to crises, for the answers to his behaviour.

You are actually spot on here and make a very good point, I've been for CBT and trying to put it in motion and trying to give him some of "the coping skills" but like you say, as I find it hard, maybe I am not the best teacher, My partner is very good though and very confident and tried to pass that on to him.

Ruffles_2

If your ex is still taking your son to school, contact the school to let them know you will be picking your son up early tomorrow. Just get your son home where he belongs and figure out the rest later.

victory

Absolutely son home

Beetlemama

Ruffles wrote: »

If your ex is still taking your son to school, contact the school to let them know you will be picking your son up early tomorrow. Just get your son home where he belongs and figure out the rest later.

Very good......but what would stop him from doing the same thing the following day and picking up both boys?

I think you need to apply for custody, but in the mean time, call your ex and try to "buy" the boy back, if he took him because of child support, then tell him he doesn't have to pay for him, you just want him back with his brother. I'd be telling him I don't want any of his money for either child. I just want my kids. Maybe he'll give him back if it actually gains money in the deal. You can always get that sorted out in court, you know what they say about verbal agreements.

btw My 8 year old asked me what I was typing, he's a very bright and grown up child, we try to be honest with him, so I gave him a brief run-down on what happened and what I was saying to you - he looked at me and said "What kind of man would do that?".

bre16

cattie1 wrote: »

I also didn't think it would be right to cause a lot of commotion in front of the children (especially DS1, who is already scared of everything, I really don't think he would need that emotional turmoil along with everyone else.)
So you may think it is ok to be causing an argument in public, or fighting in front of 2 children but I care too much about how it will affect them.
No causing an argument in public is not ok, but then neither is leaving a child with a violent & abusive man!
Ex is a very nasty and intimidating person to me, if you look at my prevous posts you will probably find one where he threw a glass in my face once,and burst my lip another time,but he made sure I was on my own first, however he is VERY charming to everyone else,and no-one can believe he would do that. were the police involved in any of these incidents?

I called the school today and ex had gone in requesting information and telling them DS1 now lives with him, however school didn't believe him as I have always been point of contact, They were in complete agreement that I was/am thinking of the childrens best interests when I said I will leave it as it is until I have proper legal advice and as ex is the type of person that woul casue havoc in the playground in front of children it wouldn't be good for anyone.
but you said earlier that he is very charming when people are around? there are loads of people collecting their children from school, so he's not going to kick off for all to see

And yes you could wait for legal advice but like you said earlier he has PR.

Spendless

cattie1 wrote: »

As this only happened on Saturday I'm not sure what is happening, but he wont be going back once he is at mine!!



I didn't just "give him up"! he stayed over at his Dads on Friday night as has always been arranged, when I went to pick him up he wouldn't bring DS2 out of the house, I demanded he bring him out,however as the law changed in 1st Dec 2003 and as his name is on the birth certificate, even the police could not do anything as he has legal rights, and he had found this out beforeheand.
I also didn't think it would be right to cause a lot of commotion in front of the children (especially DS1, who is already scared of everything, I really don't think he would need that emotional turmoil along with everyone else.)
So you may think it is ok to be causing an argument in public, or fighting in front of 2 children but I care too much about how it will affect them.

Ohh you poor thing. I thought you meant within the last few weeks when you said recently - and that would still be hard but not the last 48-72 hours. :eek:. You def need legal advice.

Spendless

BTW - When was DS1 born before or after Dec 1st 2003?

http://www.prolegal.co.uk/family-law-uk/parental-responsibility.htm

pearl123

I'm not surprised that you child is scared. It must be all rather frightening for him with all the changes going on.
Can you speak to your ex-partner and state that you want your child to come home, as it is the best place for him and for both of your children?
If he won't do this then or you are too frightened to your ex then contact a solisitor tomorrow.
The CAB - Citizans Advise Bureau I would normally associated with money problems but perhaps they could also give you advice upon where to turn. I suspect they can.
If I were you I'd act quickly on this.

cattie1

Beetlemama wrote: »

Very good......but what would stop him from doing the same thing the following day and picking up both boys?

btw My 8 year old asked me what I was typing, he's a very bright and grown up child, we try to be honest with him, so I gave him a brief run-down on what happened and what I was saying to you - he looked at me and said "What kind of man would do that?".

That's why I haven't ... yet, cos I know he would play the game.

And what a lovely sensible young man you have there!

bre16 wrote: »

And yes you could wait for legal advice but like you said earlier he has PR.

I see your point, he was violent with me but I have no proof as he waited until no-one was around and as it's my word over his, however you just reminded me I am pretty sure he had a fight in town when he was younger so this may still be on record.

Spendless wrote: »

BTW - When was DS1 born before or after Dec 1st 2003?

http://www.prolegal.co.uk/family-law-uk/parental-responsibility.htm

Ds1 before then-hence the reason he hasn't taken him, DS2 after then which is why he kept him and I said nothing I could do (for now) legally, but thank-you for the info.

meritaten

So up until last weekend both boys lived with you permanently apart from visits to dad? I would think that this gives you a bit of an advantage. also, have you spoken to your son? The one kept at his dads I mean? if so, has he said if he wants to stay or come home? if not why not? wont his dad let you speak to him?