My son is scared of EVERYTHING!

crazyguy

I would recommend the following:
1) Take him to a doctor to make sure he's in good health. I would work to get a good hearing test.

2) Consider counseling. A counselor that specializes in working with children can better assess the situation and help you and your son manage his fears.

3) Be supportive. While his fears are irrational, they are very real. Imagine something that would make you afraid (being held up? threatened?) and understand that while darkness and noise aren't the same as these, your step-son's experiences of them (fear is a physical manifestation) is the same. Don't belittle him or try to use rational to make him see differently. Phobias aren't based in rational. Instead, tell him that you love him and that you're sorry he's afraid and that you'd like to help him not be afraid.


And go and tell the guy across the road to behave himself in future.

meeps

I know there is a lot more going on here than a story book can fix, but my 7 year old has just been reading a book at school called Silly Billy, about worries, that teams up with worry dolls (6 tiny dolls you tell your worries to before you go to sleep) and it gets good reviews. I am going to get some of the dolls to put away as he quite anxious sometimes- we also made a dreamcatcher together for peaceful dreams.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Silly-Billy-Anthony-Browne/dp/1406305766/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1317589439&sr=1-1

zzzLazyDaisy

Please consider making a court application for residency. You can do it yourself. The courts must put the interests of the children first, and it is very rare indeed to siblings to be split up without good reason. But the longer you leave it, the more likely it is that the court will say the child has settled in the new home (and maybe school?) and then it will be more difficult to disturb the status quo.

cafcass would be involved (court welfare officer) and there would be an independent report, so you wouldn't be totally on your own in this (though of course they are there to report on the best interests of the children, not to represent your interests)

hallowitch

go to a solicitor get one that does a free 1/2 hour you never know you may be entitled to some legal aid

and if your not entitled to some legal aid ask him the cost of getting the ball rolling with court procedure do the rest yourself Its very seldom the court go against a cafcass recommendation

My daughter blew her ex partner to bits in family court
This caring father took her son away from her from her for 3 months according to him he was the perfect father went to school spoke to teacher did his home work with him

but he didn't know his teachers name he called the teacher Miss xxx teacher was a Mister and couldn't tell the judge what his reading book was or what the story was about


he couldn't explain why he hadn't let his mother have access (she went to the school every day to him when he was with his dad)as social workers had recomend contact visits

What im saying is go get your son back where he belongs with his brother the judge is not stupid and nether are cafcass

cattie1

crazyguy wrote: »

I would recommend the following:
1) Take him to a doctor to make sure he's in good health. I would work to get a good hearing test.

2) Consider counseling. A counselor that specializes in working with children can better assess the situation and help you and your son manage his fears.

3) Be supportive. While his fears are irrational, they are very real. Imagine something that would make you afraid (being held up? threatened?) and understand that while darkness and noise aren't the same as these, your step-son's experiences of them (fear is a physical manifestation) is the same. Don't belittle him or try to use rational to make him see differently. Phobias aren't based in rational. Instead, tell him that you love him and that you're sorry he's afraid and that you'd like to help him not be afraid.


And go and tell the guy across the road to behave himself in future.

Thank-you very much for the excellent advice.

meeps wrote: »

I know there is a lot more going on here than a story book can fix, but my 7 year old has just been reading a book at school called Silly Billy, about worries, that teams up with worry dolls (6 tiny dolls you tell your worries to before you go to sleep) and it gets good reviews. I am going to get some of the dolls to put away as he quite anxious sometimes- we also made a dreamcatcher together for peaceful dreams.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Silly-Billy-Anthony-Browne/dp/1406305766/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1317589439&sr=1-1

Thank-you, I think that is a fantastic idea, read a lot of reviews and they were all really good and have just bought the book, some worry dolls and a dream catcher! I'll let you know how it goes!

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Please consider making a court application for residency. You can do it yourself. The courts must put the interests of the children first, and it is very rare indeed to siblings to be split up without good reason. But the longer you leave it, the more likely it is that the court will say the child has settled in the new home (and maybe school?) and then it will be more difficult to disturb the status quo.

cafcass would be involved (court welfare officer) and there would be an independent report, so you wouldn't be totally on your own in this (though of course they are there to report on the best interests of the children, not to represent your interests)

Thank-you, as we have just moved in with partner (another upheaval for them!) they have also moved schools, however it is an excellent school compared to the one they were at and they have improved immensely and have made a lot of new friends and love it.
We are worried that he will try to take DS2 out of this school and move him to one nearer him (which has a rubbish ofsted report) and is even more change and upheaval for a young child.

Ravenlady_2

Does ds1 come to stay with you at weekends or during the week?

As childish as it may sound if my other son was scared or worried about his sibling who was living away from home, that sibling would not be going back once he had set foot back in my house!

When you have your son back, lock the doors and notify the dad that you will be seeking legal advice and drawing up a LEGAL contact order and involving CAFCASS.

Caroline_a

cattie1 wrote: »

I was told by solicitor that ex will "play it out until we run out of money" and as ex is a vile selfish man who only cares about his own welfare I think he would.

I don't think ex would hurt them physically (sp?) but I am pretty sure he is damaging them emotionally and mentally!!, not sure I could prove it though.
It's they type of thing DS1 says when he is worried.

How strange that your solicitor knows what your ex will do!!! Get another one now.... I don't believe a judge would split up two siblings unless there was a very good reason. Your ex also sounds like he's making his own decisions about what the courts might say and trying to bully you with it.

the_cat

cattie1 wrote: »

I was told by solicitor that ex will "play it out until we run out of money" and as ex is a vile selfish man who only cares about his own welfare I think he would.

I don't think ex would hurt them physically (sp?) but I am pretty sure he is damaging them emotionally and mentally!!, not sure I could prove it though.
It's they type of thing DS1 says when he is worried.

Given what you have typed above, who cares if the outcome is that you run out of money? Surely it is more important to try to stop your kids living apart and being damaged emotionally and mentally by their father

Change your solicitor. Yours sounds at best uninterested. Then fight to regain custody of your child

Kay_Peel

Could your son be timid and passive because YOU are.

I can't believe that a mother would give up a child to a father because "he decided" that DS1 was going to live with him and put two fingers up to you.
Personally, I wouldn't have left the solicitors' office shrugging my shoulders and saying "Oh well, it's going to cost to much to get him back. I'll just have to put with it".
And as for the neighbour, I would have been knocking on his door and saying something like: 'If my son has been naughty would you please come to me first and I'll deal with him.'

If he sees the anxiety, fear and timidity in you then he's going to mirror that behaviour. You've got to show him how to rationalise his fears and overcome them - otherwise he's going to be a very unhappy and unbalanced little boy. Possibly you might not be up to the job - being timid and passive yourself - and might need to seek professional help.

Honest words that may seem harsh, but look at yourself and your responses to crises, for the answers to his behaviour.

bre16

Hmm we all have grumpy neighbors who tell our kids off and from reading the rest of your post i think that neighbor is the least of your problems, I would be more concerned that your son is living with his dad who by the sound of things is dishing out verbal abuse to him! Maybe I'm missing something here but could you not just turn up at school and collect your son before his dad does? That's what I would do.