Dealing with pre-teen step daughter

TeamLowe

Carl31 wrote: »

yeah, as it means she gets to use the en suite shower when the others cant, there's a shower attachment in the bath which she wont use

This can used later on as ammunition in the constant argument with her sister

As the youngest of three girls, I can assure there is nothing you can do to stop the eldest lording the fact that she's older over her sisters. Girls argue. A lot. Over everything single little petty thing they can think of. So I wouldnt waste effort trying to avoid it, would be like trying to make water flow uphill.
Just another little thing to bear in mind in the next few years
Not very :money: but my dad ended up building a conservatory for some peace x x

FatVonD

Another vote for installing a shower attachment (or hide your stuff and let her use yours, it's a family house after all!)

My step daughter was 7 (now 12) when I met my husband and I would never have presumed it was okay to see her naked (and we're of the same sex) even then. If we go swimming we get separate cubicles.

My husband has similarly never seen my son (now 14) naked.

My son can be stroppy and a bit of a pain at times but if my husband ever physically manhandled him to do anything he'd (DH) find his bags packed.

DVardysShadow

Carl31 wrote: »

... (besides they usually ask to share a bath anyway, hence me not thinking it an issue)

Big clue something is changing ...

purple.sarah

Try to compromise and pick your battles. For example she doesn't have to use your shower but definitely let her have a bath on her own. I would not have been at all comfortable sharing with siblings at that age, it's not appropriate. And are you in the room while she's bathing? Also inappropriate. Consider that you are actually forcing her, by physically pushing her, into a situation where she has to be naked in front of other people and where she's uncomfortable. I'm sure you don't want to do that.

Also regarding private items in your bedroom, it's always sensible to put them away in drawers so children aren't exposed to them.

I think that everyone here needs to appreciate boundaries and privacy, including you. She has boundaries too!

Aberdeenangarse

Carl31 wrote: »

Our bedroom is our private area, theres things in there not to be touched or looked at.

You could always hide the vibrator and your husbands !!!!!! :rotfl:

ViolaLass

Carl31 wrote: »

Er, their Xmas presents, items of a sexual nature, sesnitive items of a financial nature, over aged films that i can watch but they cant, things like that

Do you let your kids look at all that then?

Don't you have cupboards in your room?

scottishchick27

Is your step daughter 10? I presumed she was 12 going by the thread title. I agree with the other posters about letting her shower herself, at her age privacy is essential. Also after reading this thread I'm wondering whether I should be hiding our financial statements? It's not something I've ever thought about as I assumed she wouldn't understand any letters that came through the post anyway. Anything else of a private nature is in our drawers or cupboards which she wouldn't dream of going through anyway.

patchwork_cat

Sorry, but I think youa re being unreasonable. To not let kids look in you drawers is one thing, but to not let them be in your bedroom is unreasonable. I feel for your step daughter, I would not have liked sharing a bath or having a spectator at 10 and I can tell you that my 13 year old would have objected strongly from about 6! She is growing up, let her.

January20

Carl31 wrote: »

yeah, as it means she gets to use the en suite shower when the others cant, there's a shower attachment in the bath which she wont use

This can used later on as ammunition in the constant argument with her sister

If you mean pipes that fit over the taps and are linked to a shower head, then those things are awful! You can barely rinse the bath with them, never mind have a proper shower. No wonder she doesn't want to use it. I wouldn't! Is there a reason why you can't have a proper electric shower fitted in the main bathroom? It would solve all your problems.

ellies_angel

While I think it is unreasonable to expect her to bath with her sister, she is entitled to her privacy, I do not think you are being unreasonable wanting to keep your bedroom/ensuite to yourself.

My stepkids drive me bonkers, the way they walk into my bedroom as if it is another rooom in the house they can have unlimited access to. It is my bedroom (me and his) not theirs. I very much respect their privacy. I don't go into their room without their permission and I expect the same back. They are at an age where they deserve privacy, want privacy so should understand that we want our privacy. Youngest (14 when I we met) would just walk into our ensuite to use the toilet if her brother was in the bathroom. I could have been in bed or in the bedroom changing. I once said to her, and she said it was fine, she didn't mind seeing me undressed. No you might not, but I do. There are 2 downstairs toilets she could have used, one of which is closer to her bedroom than ours.