Hubby is an @*rse

2ba3c

Just because he hasn't 'physically' cheated, doesn’t mean he hasn't emtionally cheated. What's the next stage. Does he have to actually penetrate another women before you see how wrong he is? Where do you draw the line?

How far down the road do you want to get before the fall out is astronomical?

There ARE people in life who will love you and adore you and not cheat on you.

You're making excuses for him, and I think you know it.

Kay_Peel

You have to find out what's really bugging him. Unless you're buying unhealthy junk food and expensive rubbish, then it's just a red herring. What's his real problem?

elvis86

Blossom24 wrote: »

Tbh that's why I don't use it - I don't care if you have just sat down with a glass of whatever to watch X Factor - that's doubly sad really! lol

I'm sorry, but this from the 41-year-old woman who is posting anonymously on a moneysaving forum whining about her philandering husband, because she has nobody to discuss it with in real life..?:cool:

Tropez wrote: »

I don't use it. I have seen one of my friends use it and frankly it just looked ridiculous. A bunch of silly games about farms and one of his friends posting regular updates on what she was eating... ahh, hmm, yeah....

I don't think there's any need for ridiculing people who use Facebook. The OP's husband probably cheats because he's a selfish careless b*****d, or because he's not getting enough at home. Nothing to do with Facebook, and encouraging the OP to indulge in some misguided belief that Facebook is the biggest problem in her marriage won't help.

Without Facebook, depending on how isolated the island is, her husband would probably be out b*****ing sheep if he was that desperate (maybe that explains his absence from tea at her parents'..?:D). Folk were cheating long before Facebook.

I use Facebook. My boyfriend uses Facebook. And we're both happy well-rounded individuals in a loving relationship. We can go to the local shop without the other cross-examining the receipts, and we both have lots of friends to turn to if ever we do encounter any troubles. Sad, did you say?;)

Tropez

elvis86 wrote: »

I don't think there's any need for ridiculing people who use Facebook.

I was ridiculing some people who use Facebook.

and encouraging the OP to indulge in some misguided belief that Facebook is the biggest problem in her marriage won't help.

The post you quoted wasn't even in response to the OP and I've already said Facebook is the least of her problems.

Folk were cheating long before Facebook.

Said that myself, in this very thread, 24 hours ago.

I use Facebook. My boyfriend uses Facebook. And we're both happy well-rounded individuals in a loving relationship. We can go to the local shop without the other cross-examining the receipts, and we both have lots of friends to turn to if ever we do encounter any troubles. Sad, did you say?;)

Good for you, have fun.

LegalBlonde

SO Blossom, any thoughts on what you are going to do?

newcook

Is there anyway you could set a little ‘trap’ for him?! If your parents go away to a caravan regularly ask them to take DD, tell OH you are going with them for a little weekend away but hide out in your parents and see if he has invited any of the slappers over! Obviously give him a few weeks notice so he can get things organized!

alternatively get a software for your computer that notes all the passwords - some will say its snooping or 'invading privacy' but at least you will know one way or another

*Louise*

I honestly don't know how you have put up with this for so long. If I found out my brand new husband had been sending pics of his marital bits it would be one of the shortest marriages ever!

I'm afraid in this instance I would be resorting to underhand tactics to find out what he was up to. First thing would be to install a keylogger on the computer. I would want definitive proof before I made any moves.

I'm sure your parents wouldn't want you to stay in an unhappy relationship - why can't he move out though? Is the mortgage too large for you to manage yourself?

RadoJo

Wishing that your husband would hit you so you'd have an 'excuse' to leave seems like a terribly unhealthy way to live. Have you actually told him how you feel? Does he realise that your relationship is so weak that you have given serious thought to the practicalities of leaving him and only dismissed it for fairly poor reasons? It sounds as though you need to make him aware of how unhappy you are in the relationship and how you feel about the way he treats you. Maybe he would be surprised at how far he has pushed you, but maybe if he wasn't it would give you some idea of how important the relationship is to him and help you make up your mind as to what your next steps should be.
I take it from your posts that your husband is not your daughter's father, in which case is this really the relationship model you want to bring her up in? Do you want her to think that women aren't entitled to feel secure and loved in a relationship, or that men are supposed to undermine their partners? Whilst you might think you can hide things from her, she will be picking up on the nuances of your relationship and taking in a lot more than you might think. If you don't want to rock the boat for your own sake, you should consider seeking help for her benefit, as whether or not you stay with your husband, it sounds as though you could use some help and support to improve your relationship.

Lessbutbetter

I don't think there's any need for ridiculing people who use Facebook. The OP's husband probably cheats because he's a selfish careless b*****d, or because he's not getting enough at home. Nothing to do with Facebook, and encouraging the OP to indulge in some misguided belief that Facebook is the biggest problem in her marriage won't help.

Without Facebook, depending on how isolated the island is, her husband would probably be out b*****ing sheep if he was that desperate (maybe that explains his absence from tea at her parents'..?:D). Folk were cheating long before Facebook.

I use Facebook. My boyfriend uses Facebook. And we're both happy well-rounded individuals in a loving relationship. We can go to the local shop without the other cross-examining the receipts, and we both have lots of friends to turn to if ever we do encounter any troubles. Sad, did you say?;)

What an awesome person you are. I wish there were more people like you.

Your words of wisdom above have been useful to everybody who have read them....and you're polite too

Blossom24

First off I want to thank everyone for their messages.

We had a real long talk last night - about 5 1/2 hours - knackered now as didn't get to sleep until after 2!

He had sent me a really long email explaining exactly what was going through his mind about everything and had put into it about some of the feelings that he had about how he felt let down by me, I said one thing then did something else etc etc

We talked, he shouted and then it got really bad (not violent or anything) just not nasty but I could see the anger in his eyes.

I know that I have said one thing then done something else on occasion, however, I then gave him both barrels about feelings and how did I feel about him saying that he wouldn't text her then carrying on (so saying one thing and doing something else) about how let down I felt about him when he started just after we got married etc etc - so every emotion that he was feeling about me now, I had felt about him.

he said that he had done a lot of things that he wasn't proud of in his youth (well that makes two of us) but that's the past.

He said that he wants us to be a team and work things out and go forwards and be more open with each other - I did ask him outright if he had any further direct contact with her by text/phone and he has said no (ok I think I know that as I have not seen anything to the contrary and he is really not great about thinking about deleting history ha ha) and ok whilst I have seen a FB message to her, it was more of a friendly nature and nothing more.

I want to believe him and am going to see what happens. I did sort of speak to my parents on sunday, but they have said that I love him and it will be ok in the end!

Oh and he agreed with everything that I called him ie arrogant, selfish, self centred etc etc he said that if his own mother can call him that, then it must be true!

So, ok a soft touch here but I am just biding my time and seeing what pans out.

Thank you all once again for your support and thoughts, although I haven't booted him out, I really don't think he is up to something, but I am watchful!