Hubby is an @*rse

RuthnJasper

Hi Blossom,

I'm ever so sorry to hear about what has happened. Alas, my first thought was that "he's up to something", and then I read on to find that other posters were of exactly the same opinion.

Someone being a bit tetchy and irritable is one thing - but photographing one's genitals and then sending the picture to another woman (ex or otherwise) - no way! If it was me, he'd better treasure that knob-snap, as it'd be the last time he saw it attached to the rest of him...

He's striking first out of guilt, I think. Depending on how you feel about things, this may be a positive sign (I mean in that there's a bit of him that knows what he's been up to is unfair and wrong). You could have a rational discussion with him; invite him to be totally honest and open (if you can do this without it escalating into a fight) and work together to put this behind you for a clean start. Perhaps Relate could help (http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html)?

Whatever happens and whatever you decide, I wish you and your little girl all the very, very best for a happier future.

xx

globetraveller

and where was he when you were at your friends?
The money is def a red herring. He feels guilty and you wants you to as well.
I don't think I would hand over the finances but think perhaps you should have a seperate bank account from OH. You need to be saving for the future. Also pay cash at the shops- he can't track you then. Its easy giving advice from the outside I know. But don't you deserve better?

Tropez

Lessbutbetter wrote: »

facebook has alot to answer for in todays world. Alot of cowardly prats that wouldn't dare flirt/speak to a woman/man face to face in that manner, find it easier to send silly messages from their sofa

idiots

Surely it is the "cowardly prats" that have something to answer for?

Long, long ago, before the Internet was widely available beyond its ARPANET origins, and ideas like Facebook had never been conceived, newspapers and magazines would run lonely heart columns where people could openly advertise for bits on the side.

It isn't the fault of Facebook or anybody else that some people behave the way that they do, nor has Facebook opened up floodgates of behaviour that would have never occurred in the past.

Blossom24

Hi all

Thank you so much, I go from thinking F him - he can just F off, to not wanting it

It's all so confusing - the BIG fly in the ointment and this is a biggy - last year we bought a house and HE had the bright idea to see if my parents wanted to sell their house and buy a houe with a wing and they went for it so now, it is not just my (and my daughters) life that is being messed around, but theirs too.

They retire next year and the plan was for them to be able to go off in their caravan for months on end - which they will do.

How I wish that I could turn the clock back to last March so that I could say no - we are not putting that proposal to them - if we had our own home, it wouldn't be so bad.

And - just to say, that it isn't a problem them living on our door stop - we share parking and a back garden, but that's it and they have never been the types of people to impose on us or disrespect our space.

I don't think he is having an affair - one thing I should have said and sorry for not posting it, we live 600 miles from these women - so an "in person" meeting is not likely unless he suddenly decides that he wants to go and visit his mum for a few days (I am half expecting him to come out with that)

His mum once said to me that she didn't know how I put up with him as he is just like his grandfather (who had a huff one day and didn't speak to the grandmother for 6 months!)

I do (more frequently now) wonder how long we have left - I can't see us growing old together but I am sort of stuck with this because of my parents - if anything were to happen to us, then they couldn't afford to buy again with the money that they would have back from us and ok, they could give me the money to buy a place together (with a sole mortgage from me added) it would be a sort of step back as it would be a 3 bed place and then it would be like living with my parents again - but worse as I would have no privacy (apart from my room) and no space as my mum is definately a couch potato lol

Thank you to everyone - it is helping me by just being able to ramble on about it all - it's hard talking to friends as I have dumped on them in the past about this and I know that they are privately thinking dump him/kick him into touch but not saying it as it's hard saying that to a friend sometimes isn't it - but this place is anonymous so it helps.

xxxx

nuttyp

I would agree with the othe posters, hes definatly got a guilty concience....... Maybe the EX thing isnt a definate EX........ I would become detective and check everything on the computer history and have a detailed phone bill dent to my own email account.. But thats me

balletshoes

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Offence is often the best defence. He's up to something and he thinks that by attacking you over the money spent on shopping it will divert your attention from what he's doing.

I have to agree - those were my thoughts too as I read your post OP.

Blossom24

Tropez wrote: »

Surely it is the "cowardly prats" that have something to answer for?

Long, long ago, before the Internet was widely available beyond its ARPANET origins, and ideas like Facebook had never been conceived, newspapers and magazines would run lonely heart columns where people could openly advertise for bits on the side.

It isn't the fault of Facebook or anybody else that some people behave the way that they do, nor has Facebook opened up floodgates of behaviour that would have never occurred in the past.

I agree but disagree with you - yes, lonely hearts cols ran so that's nothing new, but the difference is with FB etc is that people post pics, so instead of wondering what your ex looks like etc, you can easily track them down and then the fantasy/reality comes that step closer - it is then possible that they become the focus of attention as it's not a random advert.

I hate FB - yes, I do have a profile, but may go on once a month - I think that I have only ever posted on it 5 times!!

Blossom24

nuttyp wrote: »

I would agree with the othe posters, hes definatly got a guilty concience....... Maybe the EX thing isnt a definate EX........ I would become detective and check everything on the computer history and have a detailed phone bill dent to my own email account.. But thats me

erm....sticks hand up sheepishly - I do look at the history and I have looked at his emails, but with the emails the email is set up with an auto password, so it's not as if I have had to hack in to it.

Unfortunately, only the house phone gets billed - that is still to me, but the only calls on there are to his mum! His mobile is a work phone.

Saying that, he did used to use skype - which is how I found out that he had been talking to the ex for hours as he was off work with a bad back and I noticed that skype was logged in on the pc but no phone - he had changed the password on it - but that soon got changed and I dug deeper and knew it was her. The worst thing about that for me, it was less than a month after we got married!

Sally_A

Agree, your husband is an @r$e. Mine is very similar (but not computer literate, so not quite in the same boat), but when cornered will always try to twist the argument onto a failing of mine (and I have many). Basically, it his never his fault.

May I ask how old he is....blokes heading for a birthday with a 0 on the end tend to have a "crisis", and women do similar with a 5 on the end.

Quite frankly I'd pin him down, rant for however long it takes, and back up your points in writing, I know it sounds mad - but men seem to accept "meeting notes", dunno why, but if it's more business-like they tend to take the message in better.

Good luck!

Blossom24

globetraveller wrote: »

and where was he when you were at your friends?
The money is def a red herring. He feels guilty and you wants you to as well.
I don't think I would hand over the finances but think perhaps you should have a seperate bank account from OH. You need to be saving for the future. Also pay cash at the shops- he can't track you then. Its easy giving advice from the outside I know. But don't you deserve better?

He was at home - well, his computer history says he was! I do have separate accounts as does he, but yes I do deserve better - I just wish he was a better person