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Hubby is an @*rse
Blossom24
Posts: 14 Forumite
Alter ego time here so sorry.
I just don't know what to do anymore about my hubby.
Recently - over the past 8 weeks or so, it's just been one thing after another and massive blow ups from him, then days of huffing it, sulking and generally ignoring me.
We have had a few ups and downs, more over the past few years since just before we got married where an ex of his messages him on FB - there has been contact between them (and not just innocent hi how are you doing conversations) I mean msn - him sending her a pic of his c*ck, hours and hours on the phone, texts etc - this happened on and off from the time we got married in 2009 until last year (he had told me each time I found out about it that there would be no more contact). Last year seemed to be the end where he basically thought if I don't pack it in, then she (me) would throw me out etc.
Anyway, there hasn't been any other contact (that I know of) but the other week, I found him sending flirty messages to another one of his female friends on FB - since then, he has disabled his email notifications to the email addy - which is suspicious in itself to me.
However, the latest blow ups have been about money.
Before we went away on holiday in July, he was moaning about how much we are spending on food - I will totally agree there and had come to realise that myself, however, he just wouldn't listen to reason about certain areas ie the cost of things - we are not mainland UK, so get stiffed for "freight" and also it costs more to live here.
He got all high and mighty about it all and yelled at me about it - as I say, I can appreciate some of what he was saying, however, when I said, fine - you do the shopping then - he said well, I'm going to have to aren't I....and yes, you guessed it - nah - has he heck as like done anything!
Following on from that blow up, things calmed down, then he wanted us to go away for the bank holiday weekend in August - basically costing approx £500 because of ferry/hotels etc and that just annoyed me, that on the one hand he was yelling about the cost of food, yet he was more than happy to drop £500 on a weekend!
The latest was yesterday, when again, it was about the cost of food - it started off with him moaning that I had bought my daughter two pairs of jeans (from Peacocks so not designer) as she had grown out of all her other ones as she has shot up - (I cut the bottoms off and she used them as cut offs
) I had also ordered two pairs from Ebay, but only one fitted her - the others were too small, so I am going to sell them on.
It then got onto food - he said that I was going to the shop every night and I said no I wasn't - he then went into online banking and said yes you are (back and forth on this) He then said, don't lie to me - you are going to x shop and the proof is there but you said that you had never gone there.....but if he had asked originally had I gone to x shop I would have said yes (because I had)
He just wouldn't listen to reason and is saying that I lied to him - when I hadn't - he just hadn't asked the correct question! Well, it went downhill from there - the other problem is that Iceland (where I buy frozen veg from) is a concession over here and not named as Iceland when you pay by card - it just happens to be under the same name as x shop - he wouldn't believe me on that one either - so the proof will come through this week as we both went there on saturday!
I don't know what's wrong with him - apart from being a selfish, arrogant, pig headed......(insert appropriate expletive) we were supposed to go to friends last night - I ended up going alone, we were supposed to be going to my parents today for tea - I am going alone
I just don't really know what the matter is - I do think that boredom is part of it - as we don't live on the mainland, we can't just up sticks and go away for a weekend as it costs £500 and needs planning because of ferries or flights etc, there isn't much to do over here which doesnt require money - he is not into walking - if I mentioned a walk he just turns his nose up!
I am studying at the moment and he has just started another course which does involve lots of essays/assignments - I spent 5 hours over two nights proof reading his work and tweaking it slightly!
Don't get me wrong, we earn a very good wage, pay the mortgage and cc off each month and have no loans (although I have just taken one out as I had laser eye surgery) and can save and have savings in the bank.
I am sorry for the ramble and the massive post, but fresh eyes and ideas would be gratefully received.
I just don't know what to do anymore about my hubby.
Recently - over the past 8 weeks or so, it's just been one thing after another and massive blow ups from him, then days of huffing it, sulking and generally ignoring me.
We have had a few ups and downs, more over the past few years since just before we got married where an ex of his messages him on FB - there has been contact between them (and not just innocent hi how are you doing conversations) I mean msn - him sending her a pic of his c*ck, hours and hours on the phone, texts etc - this happened on and off from the time we got married in 2009 until last year (he had told me each time I found out about it that there would be no more contact). Last year seemed to be the end where he basically thought if I don't pack it in, then she (me) would throw me out etc.
Anyway, there hasn't been any other contact (that I know of) but the other week, I found him sending flirty messages to another one of his female friends on FB - since then, he has disabled his email notifications to the email addy - which is suspicious in itself to me.
However, the latest blow ups have been about money.
Before we went away on holiday in July, he was moaning about how much we are spending on food - I will totally agree there and had come to realise that myself, however, he just wouldn't listen to reason about certain areas ie the cost of things - we are not mainland UK, so get stiffed for "freight" and also it costs more to live here.
He got all high and mighty about it all and yelled at me about it - as I say, I can appreciate some of what he was saying, however, when I said, fine - you do the shopping then - he said well, I'm going to have to aren't I....and yes, you guessed it - nah - has he heck as like done anything!
Following on from that blow up, things calmed down, then he wanted us to go away for the bank holiday weekend in August - basically costing approx £500 because of ferry/hotels etc and that just annoyed me, that on the one hand he was yelling about the cost of food, yet he was more than happy to drop £500 on a weekend!
The latest was yesterday, when again, it was about the cost of food - it started off with him moaning that I had bought my daughter two pairs of jeans (from Peacocks so not designer) as she had grown out of all her other ones as she has shot up - (I cut the bottoms off and she used them as cut offs
) I had also ordered two pairs from Ebay, but only one fitted her - the others were too small, so I am going to sell them on.It then got onto food - he said that I was going to the shop every night and I said no I wasn't - he then went into online banking and said yes you are (back and forth on this) He then said, don't lie to me - you are going to x shop and the proof is there but you said that you had never gone there.....but if he had asked originally had I gone to x shop I would have said yes (because I had)
He just wouldn't listen to reason and is saying that I lied to him - when I hadn't - he just hadn't asked the correct question! Well, it went downhill from there - the other problem is that Iceland (where I buy frozen veg from) is a concession over here and not named as Iceland when you pay by card - it just happens to be under the same name as x shop - he wouldn't believe me on that one either - so the proof will come through this week as we both went there on saturday!
I don't know what's wrong with him - apart from being a selfish, arrogant, pig headed......(insert appropriate expletive) we were supposed to go to friends last night - I ended up going alone, we were supposed to be going to my parents today for tea - I am going alone
I just don't really know what the matter is - I do think that boredom is part of it - as we don't live on the mainland, we can't just up sticks and go away for a weekend as it costs £500 and needs planning because of ferries or flights etc, there isn't much to do over here which doesnt require money - he is not into walking - if I mentioned a walk he just turns his nose up!
I am studying at the moment and he has just started another course which does involve lots of essays/assignments - I spent 5 hours over two nights proof reading his work and tweaking it slightly!
Don't get me wrong, we earn a very good wage, pay the mortgage and cc off each month and have no loans (although I have just taken one out as I had laser eye surgery) and can save and have savings in the bank.
I am sorry for the ramble and the massive post, but fresh eyes and ideas would be gratefully received.
0
Comments
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Offence is often the best defence. He's up to something and he thinks that by attacking you over the money spent on shopping it will divert your attention from what he's doing.0
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Alter ego time here so sorry.
I just don't know what to do anymore about my hubby.
Recently - over the past 8 weeks or so, it's just been one thing after another and massive blow ups from him, then days of huffing it, sulking and generally ignoring me.
We have had a few ups and downs, more over the past few years since just before we got married where an ex of his messages him on FB - there has been contact between them (and not just innocent hi how are you doing conversations) I mean msn - him sending her a pic of his c*ck, hours and hours on the phone, texts etc - this happened on and off from the time we got married in 2009 until last year (he had told me each time I found out about it that there would be no more contact). Last year seemed to be the end where he basically thought if I don't pack it in, then she (me) would throw me out etc.
Anyway, there hasn't been any other contact (that I know of) but the other week, I found him sending flirty messages to another one of his female friends on FB - since then, he has disabled his email notifications to the email addy - which is suspicious in itself to me.
However, the latest blow ups have been about money.
Before we went away on holiday in July, he was moaning about how much we are spending on food - I will totally agree there and had come to realise that myself, however, he just wouldn't listen to reason about certain areas ie the cost of things - we are not mainland UK, so get stiffed for "freight" and also it costs more to live here.
He got all high and mighty about it all and yelled at me about it - as I say, I can appreciate some of what he was saying, however, when I said, fine - you do the shopping then - he said well, I'm going to have to aren't I....and yes, you guessed it - nah - has he heck as like done anything!
Following on from that blow up, things calmed down, then he wanted us to go away for the bank holiday weekend in August - basically costing approx £500 because of ferry/hotels etc and that just annoyed me, that on the one hand he was yelling about the cost of food, yet he was more than happy to drop £500 on a weekend!
The latest was yesterday, when again, it was about the cost of food - it started off with him moaning that I had bought my daughter two pairs of jeans (from Peacocks so not designer) as she had grown out of all her other ones as she has shot up - (I cut the bottoms off and she used them as cut offs ) I had also ordered two pairs from Ebay, but only one fitted her - the others were too small, so I am going to sell them on.
It then got onto food - he said that I was going to the shop every night and I said no I wasn't - he then went into online banking and said yes you are (back and forth on this) He then said, don't lie to me - you are going to x shop and the proof is there but you said that you had never gone there.....but if he had asked originally had I gone to x shop I would have said yes (because I had)
He just wouldn't listen to reason and is saying that I lied to him - when I hadn't - he just hadn't asked the correct question! Well, it went downhill from there - the other problem is that Iceland (where I buy frozen veg from) is a concession over here and not named as Iceland when you pay by card - it just happens to be under the same name as x shop - he wouldn't believe me on that one either - so the proof will come through this week as we both went there on saturday!
I don't know what's wrong with him - apart from being a selfish, arrogant, pig headed......(insert appropriate expletive) we were supposed to go to friends last night - I ended up going alone, we were supposed to be going to my parents today for tea - I am going alone
I just don't really know what the matter is - I do think that boredom is part of it - as we don't live on the mainland, we can't just up sticks and go away for a weekend as it costs £500 and needs planning because of ferries or flights etc, there isn't much to do over here which doesnt require money - he is not into walking - if I mentioned a walk he just turns his nose up!
I am studying at the moment and he has just started another course which does involve lots of essays/assignments - I spent 5 hours over two nights proof reading his work and tweaking it slightly!
Don't get me wrong, we earn a very good wage, pay the mortgage and cc off each month and have no loans (although I have just taken one out as I had laser eye surgery) and can save and have savings in the bank.
I am sorry for the ramble and the massive post, but fresh eyes and ideas would be gratefully received.
Guilty conscience sounds like he deliberately trying to pick a fightLoretta0 -
Totally agree. The money is a red herring.If you haven't got it - please don't flaunt it. TIA.0
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!!!!!!. I genuinely feel sorry for you. this is not the way a husband acts behind his wifes back. Horrendoushim sending her a pic of his c*ck, hours and hours on the phone, texts etc - this happened on and off from the time we got married in 2009 until last year
I think you've got him all summed up. It doesn't seem like things are going to get better either with someone with that kind of personality.apart from being a selfish, arrogant, pig headed......(insert appropriate expletive) we were supposed to go to friends last night - I ended up going alone, we were supposed to be going to my parents today for tea - I am going alone
I wish you luck0 -
I know it really doesn't help at all me saying this (please no one post saying what did you say it for then) but I really would have been gone after the MSN thing.......I only say this to put in context that he is SO lucky you forgave him and stuck around....
I don't know what to suggest. You say the latest blow-ups are about money so presumably that is the main problem from your p.o.v. A few threads lately have been people saying they are giving all the money duties to the their OHs so they will realise how difficult it actually is. Maybe you should try that for a month - let him sort the bills, all food, all shop runs, all budgeting for luxuries such as holidays (we live in centre of England but can't afford to go away anywhere either) and then see what he has left to moan at you for??Debt Free Wannabe by 1 January 2016
Jan 2015 GC £520/£450
Feb £139/£4500 -
Cant help but agree with the first couple of posters, he is up to something,
Tell him to grow up and stop with the school playground actions. Sulking is childish to say the least.make the most of it, we are only here for the weekend.
and we will never, ever return.0 -
Yup agree with the above, my ex did exactly the same with the idea that then Ill throw him out and be the bad guy I suppose, or just moving the focus from his indescretions. He was having an affair. The affair didnt bother me anywhere near his change in personality and the vicious way he would talk to me about money,shopping,what I did with the children etc etc. After one particularly awful weekend I did the awful snoop thing and my suspitions were confirmed, a working weekend away up north was a dirty weekend in a premier inn 40miles away!
I hope he isnt having an affair but I honestly think something is happening and he is taking his frustrations out on you. Sorry hunnie
xx Life happens, live it well.0 -
Neither of you seem happy and you've been married such a short time so why are you still together?
Sorry to say it but based on what you've posted breaking up sounds inevitable. ~Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone.~:)
0 -
I don't think you should leave him to handle the finances as he might turn around and twist it so it sounds like you couldn't handle the finances so relinquished the shopping etc to him.
(plus if he thinks so much of his appendage, he might go the whole hog and have its portrait painted, not just stick to taking a photo..):A0 -
facebook has alot to answer for in todays world. Alot of cowardly prats that wouldn't dare flirt/speak to a woman/man face to face in that manner, find it easier to send silly messages from their sofa
idiots0
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