Hubby is an @*rse

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I missed the bit about you taking steps to look after yourself by eating better and going to the gym.

He's on the attack to knock you back down into the meek wife stuffing down food to smother any anger or resentment, rather than standing up for yourself. You're taking more control and he doesn't like it one bit. Probably because he knows there's a good chance you will realise you're too good for him if you develop greater self esteem.

Expect a concerted effort to scupper your diet and exercise next. And comments like 'hardly seems worth bothering'/'I can't afford for you to go to a gym'/'won't change anything if you lose three stone, because you're still not 7 stone/19 years old/smart/good in bed/good at your job/a competent mother/wife anyway'.

Ravenlady_2

Oh god, island life never changes.

C_Mababejive

Dump him...

pearl123

Blossom24,
I'm sorry to say your husband sound like a bully. And it's not funny at all living with a bully! As for the photographing his bits etc... it sounds like he's a problem to you left right and centre.
All I can suggest is you stand your ground and not get walked over, but with some bullies it impossible. They'll agrue night is day and in the end you agree with them just to get a quiet life.

Maybe ask you hubby what's important to him in life - is his answer the same or similar to yours?
Also ask him how he'd feel if you got your bits out and posted them on the web!

Having your parents around could up the tension aswell, as it's never easy living with relatives. There's always someone to blame!
Try to build up a good network of friends around you - keep hobbies, outside interests. These will all help you if it all goes pear-shaped one day.
By the way my boyfriend a bit of an !!!! at times too!

I also recommed the book "Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft." It's a domestic abuse book, but any books of that type would perhaps be useful. It mentions things that one would not even consider abuse but actually are.
Best wishes

Lessbutbetter

just sat down with a glass of whatever to watch X Factor

thats a classic facebook quote, or another is "have just put my feet up after a hard day, and poured myself a glass of wine and have bar of my favourite chocolate. Yum Yum!" who cares, and stick the chocolate up your [EMAIL="ar@e"]ar@e[/EMAIL]!

Total waste of time.

Blossom24 - i hope that most of these posts are in some way brightening your evening, or at very least giving you a giggle!

j.e.j.

Not quite sure what the set-up there is, but if push came to shove could you not ask HIM to leave rather than risk uprooting your parents and yourself and DD?

Your husband's behaviour is way out of line. Why make contact with an ex, and as for photographing his genitals and putting it on the web.. !!!!!!.. And he's been like this pretty much since you got married??

I wish you luck with things. He's got to change, or GO, imho!

dark_lady

OP you may not be being physically abused but you are being emotionally and financially abused. He doesnt have to hit you for it to be abuse. I think you should phone Womens Aid for advice and speak to one of their counsellors rather than a Relate counsellor.

Sadly though not all parents are supportive. Some parents will tell you to stay with your husband no matter how he treats you.

Some parents will crawl on the floor and cry and beg for you not to leave your spouse because it will bring "shame" on the family.

Emotional abuse is not always perpetrated by a partner.
Sometimes it comes from other family members too.

thepup

Blossom24 wrote: »

well come on then - what are your failings (or don't you have any being a man!!) :)

I have too many failings to list.
My stupid pride led to my job loss hence my financial meltdown realisation aka LBM.

lilac_lady

Blossom - run like the wind. NO-ONE deserves to be treated like that. I know - I ran and found peace and happiness.

willow_loulou

Blossom I used to wish my ex would hit me as some sort of final blow thats it out thing. Im glad he didnt as it would have had a huge impact on the kids but when you are being mentally pushed like you are any get out clause would be welcomed. I stuck it for 4 years for my childrens sakes and he still tried to control me for years afterwards. Oh and btw I lost loads of weight but it was never enough and yeah he will ridicule your attempts and probably comment on everything you eat!
I strongly suggest you start squirrelling money so when/if he goes you can meet your obligations for a little while without stress. Dont look at it as anything wrong you are simply protecting the roof over your childs head.

Talk to your parents. I dare say they have half a clue anyway even if they dont spend that much time with you all. Im sure between you a plan can be found to maintain a similar housing level with out his wage.

Just a thought, ever thought he is money motavated because he is trying to squirel to leave? My ex did, left me litterally penniless apart from child benefit. Might be worth looking for online bank accounts if you are so inclined. I dont mean to scare monger just giving you the benefit of my mistakes