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9 yr about to be excluded again :(

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Comments

  • alba37
    alba37 Posts: 2,616 Forumite
    Hi Carrera

    I have just seen your thread, well about a hour ago.... been reading it through since. (I won't have taken it all in, as yet, so much information, and my eyes are a bit watery ... so sad)

    First I want to say how much my heart goes out to you, my thoughts are with you, but you are a really great Mum (the best) & a strong person, you will get through this.

    I need to highlight 2 quotes from you, I found very significant:
    Carrera74 wrote:
    His teacher said this morning that there had been 2 incidences of him crying at school. One yesterday morning and once on Wednesday. I spoke to him about this and he said he doesn’t know what’s making him sad but he did agree that he feels sad inside. It's breaking my heart that I can't fix it.
    Carrera74 wrote:
    It's damn hard especially as my little boy worships his Dad

    I can only agree with many of the posters here, sounds very like ADHD and/or aspergers, but also sounds very like my son in the past. (the 2 quotes sum my son up totally) He was never excluded from school, and his behaviour was "ok" at school, but would loose it at home. My son has had psychology on many occasions over the last 10 years. He is no longer disruptive but is very sad.

    We had a similar background, and I separated from his Dad when he was 3 1/2 He has seen his Dad once or twice a year since them. It's an emotional rollercoaster for him. He was always worse for months after seeing his Dad, and we would just get things back to some sort of normality when his Dad appeared again. It has affected my son so much. And like you it makes me so sad, I just want him to be ok.

    Try to remember your son doesn’t want to be bad. Whither it be because he is hurt or has some condition or disability, it’s not his fault, he can’t control it.

    My best friends son was dx’d with complex aspergers & ADHD at around 12 years old. She had no support anywhere, until he got his present psychiatrist. Us 3 have all had one major thing in common, 3 terrible men! I am glad you have a good man now to support you (emotionally) Think ours put us off for life!

    Take care Carrera, I will follow your posts now and hope that “that someone” who helps comes along very soon.
  • andyrules
    andyrules Posts: 3,558 Forumite
    Good luck Carrera.

    i'm sure you've noticed, he's a 'very angry, violent little boy' at school, yet at home he's OK.
    xx
  • alba37
    alba37 Posts: 2,616 Forumite
    andyrules wrote:
    Good luck Carrera.

    i'm sure you've noticed, he's a 'very angry, violent little boy' at school, yet at home he's OK.
    xx

    Yes, that was something else that I felt was significant. I do think as much as other people e.g. teachers etc try to do their best, they do not have the resources to handle the child the best possible way.

    I really don't know the answer to that and think the ed-psychologist or other professional needs to take charge of the situation asap, for your son & for you.

    I am curios... How does he sleep at night? Does he have night terrors or sleep walk? What has your GP said, are they any good?

    Hope the meeting goes well Carrera. Will be thinking of you. I don't really know what you could say at the meeting, except if he is excluded again, someone needs to do something to help as this pattern is not going to change right now. Excluding may be right for other children in his class, but not for him. He is your priority/worry.
  • Carrera74
    Carrera74 Posts: 790 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker PPI Party Pooper
    The meeting went okay. The EX oh and his gf weren’t there (I was more nervous of him being there than anything, eek!)

    The Head commented at the meeting that we are all working together and unfortunately excluding was the only way as he was so violent etc. She also said that they are trying to change the environment around my son when he is at school but he is still struggling and it’s him that needs to change and unfortunately they don’t have the ability to do that. He needs outside help. Which I agree 100% on. The short stay school panel meeting is a week on Tuesday – the day after my son goes back. Fingers, toes, arms, legs and eyes crossed they have a space available and agree to give it to him.

    I am curios... How does he sleep at night? Does he have night terrors or sleep walk? What has your GP said, are they any good?

    He hates being upstairs on his own and until recently someone has always had to stay upstairs til he falls asleep. There have been loads of occassions too when I've woke up and he's just been stood next to me staring - very scary sometimes! Although he's not done this for a month or so. Whilst he has been off we have started putting him to bed without anyone upstairs but let him know we're downstairs if he needs us and keep going upstairs to check on him. He wears one of my rings as it makes him feel safe. We've been doing this for nearly 2 weeks and so far so good - had a few hiccups but it's working. We leave a treat for him on the settee if he falls asleep on his own - he likes this :)
  • Carrera74
    Carrera74 Posts: 790 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker PPI Party Pooper
    andyrules wrote:
    Good luck Carrera.

    i'm sure you've noticed, he's a 'very angry, violent little boy' at school, yet at home he's OK.
    xx

    I got home from work and he was the angry violent boy at home! He stopped over at my Mums the other night and I know he had a late night and unfortunately this is how he is if his routine goes. He ended up kicking his sister because she had told my oh about him jumping around on the settee whilst she was sat there drinking a hot drink. He said he hadn't done anything then went for her. I walked in and my daughter was in tears and has sore legs from him kicking her. I've explained to her how to deal with him but she is 14 and wants to kill him! I'm taking her out tomorrow for lunch, just the two of us, so we can have some girlie time and we can have a chat.
  • alba37
    alba37 Posts: 2,616 Forumite
    Hi Carrera

    Glad it went not too bad today. Better Ex & GF weren't there I think. I guess there isn't much more the school could have done regarding the exclusion. I know the school needs him to change to integrate with classes and pupils, but that isn't going to happen "just like that".

    You have some great methods to help problems and just try your best to keep them up. I know it can't be easy.

    I'm glad you are having some girlie time with your daughter, and trying to have this as much as possible can only be a good thing. You can only try to get her to understand her brother doesn't want to be this way, and the best she can do is walk away if she see's him starting. The least time they are together is prob best for now, till things improve.

    It is all so difficult, and mentally draining for you. I wish you all the best.
  • Carrera74
    Carrera74 Posts: 790 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker PPI Party Pooper
    Well the Educational Psychologist is coming this afternoon. I'm dreading it as I don't know what to expect at all. Fingers crossed it'll be a positive meeting :(
  • mariejader
    mariejader Posts: 413 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    Good luck for later Carrera, do let us know how you get on

    I would suggest that you make a few notes on what you feel are the triggers and this way when she arrives you won't forget anything, it may be an idea to go back through this topic and highligh at the areas you have mentioned, sorry if I am stating the obvious but I never used to make notes and then come away forgetting maybe one of the most important questions.

    I would also suggest that you ask her about ASD?

    With our son once we had a dx for him doors seemed to open and more help was available, it's taken a lot of hard work and tears on my part to get to where we are now, but I have a happy boy and thankfully is now understood by school.
  • Carrera74
    Carrera74 Posts: 790 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker PPI Party Pooper
    The meeting with the psychologist seemed to go well - when he finally decided to come downstairs and join us! She's going to do the report on Sunday afternoon so we have it for the short stay school panel meeting next week.

    LEIS have written a report which I'll get a copy of tomorrow but I know that autism is mentioned and also a statement ? the psychologist doesn't think it's autism as he made eye contact with her and said he'd be like this all the time not just at school but she did say there is something going on and the short stay school is the best place to find out what.

    Fingers crossed for Tuesday's panel meeting!!!

    We all went to the school too to discuss him going back to school. 4 half days and a full day Friday. Think it was a good idea he came with us so Monday shouldn't be so daunting. They are going to pair him up with a boy who also struggles a bit in class and who has been asking where he is and when is he back. My son really likes him so that should help too.

    The light at the end of the tunnel feels brighter today but still a long way to go. I'm feeling positive though as we're getting all the support. Just hope the short stay school have places.
  • andycarmi
    andycarmi Posts: 1,072 Forumite
    Carrera74, Glad things are moving in a positive direction for your DS, you and your family. Good luck on Tuesday, fingers crossed here. x
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