9 yr about to be excluded again :(

Carrera74

He’s got a place! I feel quite tearful. Not sure if it’s because I’m relieved or because I’m scared how it’ll go. I do know that this is really the only way forward. It’s just weird because he’s being lovely at home and is using his coping skills at school. I’ve collected him at lunchtimes and the last 2 days he didn’t want to come home – if only he was like that every day!! I do think the school are being lenient with him though as they knew the panel were meeting.

The SENCO is going to ring me later to discuss the place. She only told me briefly in the corridor and didn’t want to say too much in front of him.

Eek!

I spoke to my son briefly before and asked about him going to see his Dad. He said he's missing him and that he wants to go and see his Dad again and I’m sure the ex will be on the phone (texting) soon. School are ringing him at his request later to update him so he will find out about the placement. I’m going to tell the ex that if he wants access he needs to attend a parenting class or see the Social Worker who is visiting us. I want him to be dealing with our son appropriately and also the same as we are so that he is secure and happy and knows the boundaries there too.

Is that unreasonable?

Savvy_Sue

Carrera74 wrote: »

Is that unreasonable?

No, not at all. Your son is receiving professional care for behaviour that's been sufficiently disruptive to see him excluded from school. His father needs to have a full understanding of that, and how to help address that behaviour.

However, whether your ex will see things 'reasonably' is another matter. I would share your concerns with ALL the professionals you're dealing with.

And I am glad your son has a place at the PRU, btw. I know that inclusion is seen as the gold standard, but there are some children, at some times, for whom it's just not going to work.

andyrules

Hi Carrerra

so glad he's got a place. He'll now get the help he deserves. Savvy sue speaks sense, and inclusion is a utopia that for many can never be.

Good luck with the healthy eating - I'm raising my glass to you!!

Carrera74

My little lad had a ‘perfect’ morning yesterday But school have requested that he only goes in mornings until the Easter break to lower the chances of him getting excluded again. I told him last night that today would be another half day and he was disappointed and told me he had been looking forward to a whole day. He got up this morning and the first thing he said to me was he wasn’t going to school. He said there was no point in going to school as he couldn’t stay all day. At about 8.15 I heard him crying. I went to speak to him and explained that I knew he was disappointed about not going in but school don’t want to risk him getting anxious in class as today it’s PE and there are supply teachers in post today – his big no no’s. He said all his friends have been asking when he’s staying all day and had made plans to play ‘chase’ with his favourite person in the world, a girl who he adores in class. I managed to coax him into going to school but he was so sad. I dropped him at school and explained to his teacher how he was feeling. Not heard anything from school as yet but I’m expecting a bad morning because of how he’s feeling

I’ve yet to tell him it’s half days next week too. I’m going to see if he can have lunch at school and playtime. At least then he’ll get to spend time with his friends.

Psykicpup

(((((hugs)))))) hun

Please dont cave into your ex & allow access unless it is in your house with both you & your OH there at all times!

1)You have taken months to get your LO to be able to have a 'perfect' day & I worry that this could set him right back. Especially with having to cope with not being able to do full days & starting the PRU soon (excellent schooling IMHO)
2)Also your ex has been violent to your son in the past & from what I can tell from what you have said is following the same pattern as he took with you - ie its your sons fault that he hit him! You just cannot take the risk! - Children unfortunately do love & miss their abusers. Check out Childline or the NSPCC for further advice on how to deal with that side of things.

Are you & OH getting any support yourselves - this must be a very stressfull time for you all - Dont forget to insist on an extra hug from your daughter too on Sunday! My daughter was & is a rock when (still am really) I had a similar experience with my son being excluded but I think she did suffer with being left out!

alba37

Carrera74 wrote: »

My little lad had a ‘perfect’ morning yesterday But school have requested that he only goes in mornings until the Easter break to lower the chances of him getting excluded again. I told him last night that today would be another half day and he was disappointed and told me he had been looking forward to a whole day. He got up this morning and the first thing he said to me was he wasn’t going to school. He said there was no point in going to school as he couldn’t stay all day. At about 8.15 I heard him crying. I went to speak to him and explained that I knew he was disappointed about not going in but school don’t want to risk him getting anxious in class as today it’s PE and there are supply teachers in post today – his big no no’s. He said all his friends have been asking when he’s staying all day and had made plans to play ‘chase’ with his favourite person in the world, a girl who he adores in class. I managed to coax him into going to school but he was so sad. I dropped him at school and explained to his teacher how he was feeling. Not heard anything from school as yet but I’m expecting a bad morning because of how he’s feeling

I’ve yet to tell him it’s half days next week too. I’m going to see if he can have lunch at school and playtime. At least then he’ll get to spend time with his friends.

Hi Carrera

I think it's great he got a place, although I totally see where you mixed emotions are coming from.

I know it won't be easy for either of you with the change, but looked liked his present school wasn't really an option for the near future. He will get better help, support & understanding at the new school and I bet he will make friends really quickly.

As for his Dad, what a b****** Can't think of anything else to say!

Let us know how it goes, take care of yourself.

Alba

Carrera74

Bit of an update as I am fuming.

Just spoke to the Head at school as they have arranged a visit to the short stay school next Friday. I asked who will be attending to which she replied me, oh, my son, the senco and my ex too. I asked why he was to be invited as he never bothered to turn up to the school/camhs meeting and as there is no access at the moment how does she think my son will react when he sees him there. He's going to be anxious enough without that adding to it. She replied that she has a duty to invite him. Told her I am not happy with the situation at all and that I would seek solicitors advice. Rang my solicitor who confirmed as he has no parental responsibility he has no automatic rights to anything but it's hard to prove that he has no parental responsibility as it's my word and school may have a policy to say that all parents are involved. Makes me really mad. He's never been interested and all of a sudden he's sticking his oar in. If my son wasn't attending the visit then it wouldn't bother me as much but fancy the first time he sees his Dad in 3 months is at a visit to the short stay school. Who knows how that will affect him. He's going to be nervous enough.

alba37

Carrera74 wrote: »

Bit of an update as I am fuming.

Just spoke to the Head at school as they have arranged a visit to the short stay school next Friday. I asked who will be attending to which she replied me, oh, my son, the senco and my ex too. I asked why he was to be invited as he never bothered to turn up to the school/camhs meeting and as there is no access at the moment how does she think my son will react when he sees him there. He's going to be anxious enough without that adding to it. She replied that she has a duty to invite him. Told her I am not happy with the situation at all and that I would seek solicitors advice. Rang my solicitor who confirmed as he has no parental responsibility he has no automatic rights to anything but it's hard to prove that he has no parental responsibility as it's my word and school may have a policy to say that all parents are involved. Makes me really mad. He's never been interested and all of a sudden he's sticking his oar in. If my son wasn't attending the visit then it wouldn't bother me as much but fancy the first time he sees his Dad in 3 months is at a visit to the short stay school. Who knows how that will affect him. He's going to be nervous enough.

Oh Carrera, that's shocking, no wonder you are fuming. Can your sol not give you any advice on stopping this? I got a paper from court to say the Father had no parental responsibility. (although it took a while) I don't know if Scottish law (in my case) is any different? This could be detrimental to your son and needs to be stopped. Even if your son wants to see his dad, this is not the time or the place for it.

I'm sorry I can't offer any other help or advice, but my thoughts are with you and hope something can be done to stop this. There's not much time, can you phone your sol back?

A x

Mrs_pbradley936

This is an awful situation to be in but if the school did not invite your ex they could get into trouble. Why do they have his contact details? Makes me wonder about his motives if he intends to show up.

Carrera74

pbradley936 wrote: »

This is an awful situation to be in but if the school did not invite your ex they could get into trouble. Why do they have his contact details? Makes me wonder about his motives if he intends to show up.

I don't understand why the school could get in trouble though. Legally he has no right to any information automatically.

His gf has a son who goes to the same school. She went in at parents evening last November as I had stopped contact due to problems when he went for access visits.