9 yr about to be excluded again :(

mariejader

Are you keeping a note of all these advents dates times etc, I am still thinking Aspergers or ASD related to be honest, I would recommend that you go and see your gp again with the events that's happened.

I also think you should be speaking to your LEA and see if they can offer you any solutions to a placement in a different school, to be honest we find with our lad the other kids know which strings to pull to set him off, I am sure others reading this will also agree, unfortunately ASD children more often than not are unable to tell lies, so when questioned did you do xxxx they will be honest and say yes but they won't tell you unless you ask the right questions why, hence getting into trouble for hitting someone who may have hit them first if you know where I am coming from.

The other thing is your child very bright? ASD children tend to be way ahead in certain subjects like maths and science etc, but this is not always the case, I am just wondering if this may be what's happening with your son and the teacher is not structuring the lessions to suit his ability, hence him getting board and kicking off.

the Head told me noone had touched him they had just sat beside him to stop him from hurting anyone else – I should have realised that wasn’t right as when he’s flipped he lashes out and sitting next to him quietly is impossible.

I would also suggest that you put your concerns about your sons bruises etc which you have mentioned above to the school in writing, also to the governors, and get your gp to note it, I always make a point of taking my lad to the doctors or hospital after any incident at school, this way no one can say it never happend (and blaim you for abusing your child) also it's noted how the bruises got there. If you think they are not telling you the truth about this are they telling you the truth about the rest of the events?

He was told he had 5 mins to either stay seated or to leave the class and then he ended up outside of the class and the teacher tried to stop him going back in.

Why and how did the teacher stop him? again ASD children often don't like to be touched if she touched him this could have been enought to start the next chain of events

He punched her in the stomach and kicked her and she tried to guide him down the corridor as she didn’t want him going into class and doing it to children. She then said to his class teacher that they needed to get the children out of class out of the way. As the children were leaving and going past him he kicked 2 and punched another (he denies this and says the teachers are lying) and then the teachers decided to restrain him

How did she know he was going to go back into the class and start hitting the other children?


I also would not be happy about them removing the rest of the children from the class either, I understand they were concerned for their safety but they should have things put in place for such events as this, surely this just draws attention to your son's problems with the rest of the children and by removing them they have put them in a situation where they could possibly have been hurt.

To be honest the events you have written about I think school have acted very badly.

Carrera74

mariejader wrote:

Are you keeping a note of all these advents dates times etc, I am still thinking Aspergers or ASD related to be honest, I would recommend that you go and see your gp again with the events that's happened.

Yes I'm keeping a diary of everything that happens - it's like a book! I'm going to make an appointment next week to see the GP. CAMHS have been copying them into the reports but it would make me feel better if I get him checked over.

I also think you should be speaking to your LEA and see if they can offer you any solutions to a placement in a different school, to be honest we find with our lad the other kids know which strings to pull to set him off, I am sure others reading this will also agree, unfortunately ASD children more often than not are unable to tell lies, so when questioned did you do xxxx they will be honest and say yes but they won't tell you unless you ask the right questions why, hence getting into trouble for hitting someone who may have hit them first if you know where I am coming from.

When I spoke to the Welfare officer he said I had two choices - either change schools to see if that helps but I feel like if we move schools we'll have to start at square one again and go through the process again. He doesn't want to change schools and he has generally been happy there apart from the last 6 months or so but he seems to be in a downward spiral and I'm not sure changing schools would help. I think he needs extra help but I'm not sure what.

I would also suggest that you put your concerns about your sons bruises etc which you have mentioned above to the school in writing, also to the governors, and get your gp to note it, I always make a point of taking my lad to the doctors or hospital after any incident at school, this way no one can say it never happend (and blaim you for abusing your child) also it's noted how the bruises got there. If you think they are not telling you the truth about this are they telling you the truth about the rest of the events?

School have said a report will go to the Governors because of the violence towards the teachers. The Head took full responsibility for the mark on his arm and was very unhappy about it. I do think they are trying their best but the school is obviously not the right place for him at the moment.

Why and how did the teacher stop him? again ASD children often don't like to be touched if she touched him this could have been enought to start the next chain of events

She said she was stopping in from going into class because she was concerned for the other children's welfare. She put herself between him and where he was trying to go. He wouldn't have like this at all but I think more because he wasn't in control.

How did she know he was going to go back into the class and start hitting the other children?

I think just because of the history of how he is.

Welshlassie

I'm really sorry to hear what you are having to go through with your son. I have been following from the beginning, but something you recently said about him not being a very good looser is making me wonder if this stems from the DV he witnessed from your ex. He might not have understood what was going on but detected that when something wasn't done "right on your behalf" your ex flipped. Could he be expreiencing something similar when her goes to his dads and it is manifesting itself in school, where he sees it as important that he gets things right, otherwise he might perceive there are "consequences". If he is struggling with something or his confidence is low about his ability to do/complete something he kicks off and that way the teachers can't see he has got it "wrong".

Its only my thoughts from what you have said and I have no formal qualifications in any form of child development or pschology, but that stuck out.

I really hope you get to the bottom of it and find the help he (and you) so obviously needs.

Carrera74

Welshlassie wrote:

I'm really sorry to hear what you are having to go through with your son. I have been following from the beginning, but something you recently said about him not being a very good looser is making me wonder if this stems from the DV he witnessed from your ex. He might not have understood what was going on but detected that when something wasn't done "right on your behalf" your ex flipped. Could he be expreiencing something similar when her goes to his dads and it is manifesting itself in school, where he sees it as important that he gets things right, otherwise he might perceive there are "consequences". If he is struggling with something or his confidence is low about his ability to do/complete something he kicks off and that way the teachers can't see he has got it "wrong".

Its only my thoughts from what you have said and I have no formal qualifications in any form of child development or pschology, but that stuck out.

I really hope you get to the bottom of it and find the help he (and you) so obviously needs.

It does seem quite possible. Thanks for that I'll certainly keep it in mind.

Zara33

I do feel sorry for the OP the situation is very heart breaking but to be perfectly honest here if the OP's son had ASD you would have been more than aware of this well before now.

Personally i think the DV has a lot to answer for, he may have been little but kids are very aware of the things that happen around them no matter how much we try and hide the bad things.

mariejader

OP's son had ASD you would have been more than aware of this well before now.

I disagree we had no idea, we knew things were not right but we did not get a dx untill 12, I really hope this is not what you child has but your story sounds very simular to mine

Roger_Dodger_2

he had lost it again and had hit a teacher and a child.

How awful for the other children in the class

Zara33

mariejader wrote:

I disagree we had no idea, we knew things were not right but we did not get a dx untill 12, I really hope this is not what you child has but your story sounds very simular to mine

Oh how awful can't imagine having to wait so long to get a child a dx. Mine was dx when he was 5.

Savvy_Sue

Zara33 wrote:

Oh how awful can't imagine having to wait so long to get a child a dx. Mine was dx when he was 5.

Because ASD can cover such a wide spectrum it is possible for it not to be picked up until quite a late age - DS1 was also 12 when we got a diagnosis, and TBH I always knew there was something 'different' about him, but it was never bad enough to sit in the GP surgery and refuse to leave until someone told me what it might be!

And there could be several factors at work here.

CP, it sounds as if the edpsych is trying to fob you off, or at best prepare you for a long wait. It seems unfair to make this your problem, but if the staff aren't there ... Well, anyway, have you talked to IPSEA yet? They will advise you what deadlines have to be met. And it's up to the LEA to meet them, not wring their hands and tell you about staff shortages.

Meanwhile is there any mileage in getting a private assessment? I have no idea how you would go about this, or what would be appropriate, but your son CLEARLY needs help, and he needs it now.

Zara33

Carrera74 good luck with your lad
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