I'm sort of homeless. Need money NOW.

poet123

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Just a thought - does anyone remember Student Phil?

:rotfl::rotfl:Ding dong!!!

Vanille_2

Purbeck wrote: »

Here's a thought...you spent 5 years living away from home, and the last 2 back there...in that 5 years your parents possibly got used to a bit of extra 'space', physically and emotionally...they had time to each other to stop doing the parent thing and go back to being 'people in their own right' , not just 'Vanille's mum and dad'... If you've only been back 2 months it's hardly surprising that it's difficult for all concerned.

Quote "Almost every other parent supports their child in some way throughout university"...FACT NO they don't! and many children don't have a decent home to go back to... many kids end up running away from abuse at home and end up on the street...you are not the only person to have problems... in all honesty, mental health problems or not you need to see that actually being told off for not towing the line, or for eating garlic is really a very small thing in the grand scheme! People starve, they die, they lose their children,...you are really lucky!

You say your mother has depression? and now she has to cope with worrying about you also! You lack motivation you say...do you imagine she hasn't noticed? do you imagine she doesn't sometimes think 'where did I go wrong'? I think perhaps the reason she gets on with your brother is NOT that he did his course on time, works... but because he gives her less to worry about! If she is suffering from depression she can't cope with any more problems...you need to show some compassion for her not focus on yourself so much.

As for your comment that you have helped your parents financially in the past...haven't we all? as they doubtless did when you were a kid and needed something 'superfluous'. That's how most families work...give and take.

One thing you say annoyed me "Even during my studies I landed a job better than my mum currently has" IMO that is unspeakably arrogant and stupid! So your mum has a job that you think is not that important...so what? She may enjoy it, or it may suit her not to have a challenging job, just one that pays some wages!

The idea that you are going to have a "job that challenges me for life" is , well let's say 'optimistic'...very few people find that permanence or challenge in a job for life these days.

Logically, and you value logic, you don't like where you are, and it suits no one... get down the job centre ( if you're claiming JS why aren't they chasing you to do something?!) , take any job you can do...study in the evenings ( LOTS of people have to combine the two) and find a room somewhere else.

This is the kind of post that I expected. You disagree with me, but you're more mature about it.

You've definitely made me think, when you said that she doesn't have to worry about my brother, but she does have to worry about me. At the same time, I'm trying to be invisible here. I'm trying to minimise my footprints and avoid contact. The problem is that they come out of their way to interfere with me. I don't ask them to come in and criticise me. If I do sit in the living room and we talk about something, anything, somehow they'll take a swipe at me.
I'm at fault for not helping around the house so much. I really DO get that. What i'm saying is that it's really hard for me to help around the house when I have developed this complex where I hate the idea of helping them. This has came from them trying to control me too much. IT's their house, so they should control my habits that affect them, but where do they have any right telling me how to complete my work? Yes it's only help, but if I disagree with them then it causes an argument. Where do they have any business coming in and telling me that my strategy for buying something is wrong, when it comes from my own money? This is my issue.

Purbeck wrote: »

The things you are doing are no doubt worthwhile, training, swimming, walking...but they are FOR YOU... you gain the rewards from them... cleaning the hall isn't so glam but EVERYONE gets the 'reward' from it.

re the bakery worker that you seem to have a problem with...remember next time you have a slice of bread that the poor sod who made it might not especially enjoy the job ( or they may love it) but it IS a job of value, and that person deserves respect for sticking at it.

I think i've given the wrong impression here, and that' entirely my fault.

When I keep bringing up an example of a baker, it's not that I see it as an unworthy career, or something that deservers less respect. I understand people choose their career based on various reasons. I've been brought up to be extra polite to everybody, whether it's a bus driver or a politician. In fact I usually find myself in a potion where i'm more polite than the person serving me, which is annoying. The point i'm making is that the bakery job is fairly simple. They don't deserve any less respect, I treat people equally. The thing is, from my experiences, this imaginary baker looks down on ME. Like I used in a previous example, the cleaner from my old house, she looked down on me. I respected her prior to that. The reason it annoyed me was because her reason for looking down on me was based on the fact that she had a family and had held a menial job for 30 years. It's up to her if she chooses that job, but how dare she look down on me because I chose not to have a child at 15, or because I haven't properly started work yet? It's not fair. That's why i'm arguing this point.

As for my mum's job. Yeah she enjoys it, and she left her last job (better paid) for this one. That's fair enough. What i'm saying is that I have (already) worked a job that is at least at the same level as hers, so why should she look down on me because i'm not currently working? I'm not saying she should look up to me, that's people getting the wrong impression, i'm saying that why should she show me a lack of respect, especially when i've proved that I could do a job more challenging than her. Do you understand?

bobajob_1966

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Just a thought - does anyone remember Student Phil?

SP would never be rude to people - he often chose not to listen to advice, but always in a kind of polite way?

Not that I can remember him at all, honest!

tonycottee wrote: »

Have you really just compared yourself fraudulently claiming benefits to Winston Churchill sinking the French Navy?

Any label of narcissism should be applied to the OP, not his poor mum!

Vanille_2

Scared45 wrote: »

If the OP does have a girlfriend, I pity her if she has to put up with his carp on a regular basis...

"Do you want a cup of tea?"

"No, and let me give you a worthless disquisition as to why not."

Actually i'm very kind to her. I always try to surprise her with meals that I make for her etc.

The difference is that we hold a mutual respect. My mum treats me like a 2nd class citizen, so why should I kiss her !!!?

bobajob_1966 wrote: »

You miss my point - it is none of your business! If you mum is content with her life, then you have no right to start labelling her just to try to make it 'fit' with how you feel. For goodness sake, leave her alone!

I don't think it matters if she's content or not. If she also has a slight disorder of some sort then maybe it's adding to the fire. How do you know that she's not being unreasonable? It takes two people to have an argument, but should I be the only one that's scrutinised?
I'm not saying I'll present any findings on her, but it may help me understand her more.

barbarawright

We''ve had pages about how your problems can all be explained by your mental health issues. Seems like you mother deserves a similar amount of sympathy. Maybe she'd like a 'better' job but hasn't had the same opportunities as you because, hey, she's brought up two kids.

bobajob_1966

I'm still lost as to why your parents are so bad - how were they strict/ mean? How do they try to control you?

jc808

Vanille wrote: »

Ok you want to open this can of worms; let's go for it.

I've decided to abuse the system for a small amount of time, with intention to make up for it later. This makes me SCUM? a criminal? Well let's look at Mr. Prime Minister, he admitted to taking drugs when he was younger, was he reprimanded for it? Is he looked down upon by society? NO. If I did it i'd be jailed. Let's look at Stephen Fry, he went to jail for credit card fraud, why isn't he looked down upon by society? He would have got away with it if he could. He's more than made up for it. He also admitted to taking drugs and nobody cares about that.
Once again i'll mention Winston Churchill; he was known for taking cocaine.
Stalin was celebrated despite murdering around 20 million people.

I sense this isnt a can of worms you want to open.
To be fair, all those people you cite are famous. Because they achieved something, or lots of things.

Read the Wikipedia pages of all these people and note what they don't say.

David Cameron

David Cameron went to the gym. Here he used facilities such as a pool, weights and locker facilities. The end.
PS He also used drugs.

Stephen Fry

Used drugs. Went for a four mile walk. This is notable as it could be the longest distance ever covered by a human being in one session. Also commited credit card fraud. Article ends here.

Winston Churchill

A prodigious cocaine user, Winston Churchill never did any chores around his mum and dads house as he publically stated he "could do" but "didn't like being told to". Modern DNA analysis by doctors and physicians carried out in 2004 suggest he may infact, have been lazy. End.

Josef Stalin

Josef Stalin is alleged to have murdered 20 million people, but no firm evidence can be gleaned from this. Although being suitable for a position in the Russian communist hierarchy, Stalin never joined due to moping around the house all day and not getting a job. TRIVIA: He was also mentioned in 'West End Girls' by the Pet Shop Boys - FIN

bobajob_1966

Vanille wrote: »

I don't think it matters if she's content or not. If she also has a slight disorder of some sort then maybe it's adding to the fire. How do you know that she's not being unreasonable? It takes two people to have an argument, but should I be the only one that's scrutinised?
I'm not saying I'll present any findings on her, but it may help me understand her more.

But who are you to even know whether she has a disorder - have you suddenly gained years of experience in psychiatry? Or are you planning on diagnosis via Google?

With every post you write, I gain more sympathy for your mum.

kittiej

All this talk of BF. How do we know this? Unemployed people are allowed to study with the OU and still get benefits so what's the difference?

Maybe OP should be looking for a job but if he needs a couple of weeks to finish his course then I can't say I have a problem with that. If he's on the dole in a years time because he studied some strange degree without any bearing to the real world then I would be concerned.

OP there should be a confidential advice line somewhere where you can actually check your entitlement properly. BTW you wouldn't want to jeopardise future goals by having a BF conviction.

Vanille_2

Purbeck wrote: »

If you both have a "personality disorder" and depression ISN'T a personality disorder btw...then give both of you a break and move out! You know how...just do it!

Don't "burden" your girlfriend, her mother, your mother or anyone...just find a room to rent, approx £75 a week ( round here) or less...JSA, part time job and study...and make it happen!

Well that's why I made this thread. I couldn't see a way out (in such a short amount of time) other than a loan. I was asking for advice. I'm trying not to burden anybody!!!

I'm not saying depression is a personality disorder, i'm saying that she has some issues, then maybe it's not limited to that. I came out the way I am, with her as a large influence, so could it not be possible that she has a similar issue? I'm only looking down other avenues.

Scared45 wrote: »

Yeah - get your finger out you supercilious tw*t.

Yet another unhelpful **** that can only throw abuse at me because he's behind a PC screen. You have also failed to put up a decent argument. You're hardly taking the higher road here.

Emmzi wrote: »

If you don;t like the law, you campaign to get it hanged, you write to your MP, you stand as a councilor then an MP, etc etc.

Or you go an live in a country with laws that do suit you.

Perhaps your family at horrified at you fiddling benefits? Mine would be appalled. They hate it when I have had to legitimately sign on.

In an ideal world I would do exactly that, but I have to employ logic here and do it under the radar. I feel I adhere to acceptable morality, so why shouldn't I do it? Besides, the law is there for a reason, but it doesn't necessarily fit all sizes. One of reasons there is a push to scrap so much bureaucracy is because although it has good intentions, it often ignores logic and allows people to fall through the cracks.

I'm not going to get my way, so I have to exploit a crack and ensure that I make up for it in the future.