I'm sort of homeless. Need money NOW.

Vanille_2

I'm aware that this may be an unusual thread for this forum, but it seemed more appropriate here.

I'm 24 and i'm at the end of finishing university. I had to move back home with my parents in the meantime. I'm no longer a full-time student, because I only have one module left to complete, so I do qualify for JSA as I am able to work full-time. I will admit that i've been spending more time trying to complete this last major piece of work than finding a job. That will be frowned upon here, but I only have a few weeks to complete the work, then the degree is over forever. If I work full-time then I won't complete the degree and i'll incur many charges.

I'm currently at the end of my -£2,000 overdraft and I owe £350 on my student credit card, which has now been frozen and i've been forced to make a minimum repayment of £12 per month, which will come out of JSA. I couldn't afford to pay off the credit card sooner because I had no income as a student, I qualified for no grants because of my parents earnings, despite never receiving any money from them. When I hit some financial trouble the university had to give me some emergency funding because my entire student loan had been taken up by rent. I haven't been living for a year now, just sort of existing, hoping to get through this final stretch of the degree, which has gone on for longer than it should because of mental problems and family issues.

I'm now in a position where, i'm not literally homeless, but i'm bordering on it. My mother has made it abundantly clear that she dislikes me and wants me gone from the house. Every day is challenging and it's driving me further into depression. Lately I have been considering suicide because of my situation.

Getting out of the house is of paramount importance. I have no money to move, but in my parents house I have a bed and internet, which is crucial. Most people would just advise me to stay here, finish this last piece of work, then get a job and move out, but this will take months. We're arguing every few days, and the rules for which I have to abide by are increasing. This morning I was told I have to stop eating garlic because I smell too much and it's ruining my parents home. Unfortunately the only meals I can afford right now involve tuna and pasta, which consequently requires chopped tomatoes, and garlic, or it tastes horrible. There are more rules like this and It's making me really despise them. She's told me that she wants me out. I'm not creating problems; I don't look for arguments and I mostly avoid my parents. I'm not the sort of person that bows down to unreasonable orders like this; i'd kind of rather kill myself and let them deal with guilt than to start giving into unreasonable demands. Logic however tells me that this is stupid, so i'm still here.

Anyways, this brings me back on to my main topic; I cannot live here, I cannot acquire money quick enough, I have nobody to borrow money from or to live with. I cannot get anything from my bank as I already owe them money. I no longer qualify for student loans and even if I did it would take at least a month.

The only option, as I see it, is to get a loan. All i'd need is something like £2,000, which could set me up with a deposit somewhere cheap in a new city (where I am currently has few jobs) and it would allow me to complete my work just for the next few weeks without a job. Then I can work full-time and pay everything off. The problem is that I need money NOW. I don't care if I have to pay £2,500 back, losing £500 would mean nothing to me if It got me out of this house ASAP.

The thing is, I know nothing about loans, and I feel that my previous actions with my student credit card will mean that I have a bad credit rating and thus won't get a loan.

Can anybody offer any advice? I feel hopeless.

mildred1978

Without a paying job you've no hope if a loan.

michael1983l

Have you applied for social housing? As you are on JSA you may be able to get an emergency loan from the welfare fund. Go to the Job Center, tell them your parents have kicked you out and ask if you can apply for an emergency loan for a deposit for some accomodation.

That is your most likely route to get what you need.

casey

The worry for me here is that you have mentioned taking your own life twice!! Please seek some professional advice .

Vanille_2

michael1983l wrote: »

Have you applied for social housing? As you are on JSA you may be able to get an emergency loan from the welfare fund. Go to the Job Center, tell them your parents have kicked you out and ask if you can apply for an emergency loan for a deposit for some accomodation.

That is your most likely route to get what you need.

No I haven't applied for social housing. That wouldn't work for me. I need somewhere I can take my PC and do my work. I know little about social housing, but would I have my own space for all that? without it being stolen?

Thanks for info on the emergency loan, I'll have to look it up on Monday. I have a feeling i'll be rejected though.

The annoying thing is that I used to hold a £20k job, now this isn't anything amazing, but it was whilst I was a student, as sort of work experience. I wouldn't say it was hard work, so i'm sure that when I graduate I can go straight into a job like it. I can definitely pay the money back as soon as I get a job, but I can't prove that to anybody.

Vanille_2

casey wrote: »

The worry for me here is that you have mentioned taking your own life twice!! Please seek some professional advice .

Thanks for your concern, but i'm not trying to make this thread about that. That topic has been on my mind for a number of years and I already had some sort of counselling as a child for that.
Also, university counsellors have been fully aware of it and I was recently diagnosed with OCPD, so I guess i'm more prone to it.

I know that logically that I want to live, but sometimes my emotions get so intense that they cloud this, hence why I need to leave this place.

Seeing a professional will offer little help. The root cause of this is my feeling of helplessness, if I can sort it out then i'll enjoy a much more stable position. The problem is that at the moment i'm trapped and with no viable solution it's leaving me feeling as though death is the correct answer. Also it's my idea of revenge for the situation imposed on myself, but I know this to be logically stupid and selfish of me.

meer53

Vanille wrote: »

No I haven't applied for social housing. That wouldn't work for me. I need somewhere I can take my PC and do my work. I know little about social housing, but would I have my own space for all that? without it being stolen?

Thanks for info on the emergency loan, I'll have to look it up on Monday. I have a feeling i'll be rejected though.

The annoying thing is that I used to hold a £20k job, now this isn't anything amazing, but it was whilst I was a student, as sort of work experience. I wouldn't say it was hard work, so i'm sure that when I graduate I can go straight into a job like it. I can definitely pay the money back as soon as I get a job, but I can't prove that to anybody.

I think you should abide by your parents "rules" for now, get yourself a part time job, any job, so you have some money to live on for now. Why do your parents dislike you being there ? You haven't said much about what is causing the problems at home, apart from the garlic comment. There are lots of foods that don't need garlic, whats wrong with beans on toast ?
To say that you'd rather kill yourself and let your parents deal with the guilt rather than give in to their demands makes you sound like a bit of a drama queen. Respect works both ways, you all have to live there, you have to try and compromise otherwise things will never improve. What other "unreasonable demands" have they imposed on you ?
To be honest, you don't have any other options for now so i feel it would be best to try to get on with your parents as best you can. I have a 24 year old son who dropped out of Uni twice and came home so i know from experience how things at home can become awkward, but he would never threaten to kill himself because i got a bit stroppy with him. They're your parents, it might be difficult at the moment for you and them, but maybe if you sit down with them and tell them how you feel, things might change ?

michael1983l

Vanille wrote: »

No I haven't applied for social housing. That wouldn't work for me. I need somewhere I can take my PC and do my work. I know little about social housing, but would I have my own space for all that? without it being stolen?

Thanks for info on the emergency loan, I'll have to look it up on Monday. I have a feeling i'll be rejected though.

The annoying thing is that I used to hold a £20k job, now this isn't anything amazing, but it was whilst I was a student, as sort of work experience. I wouldn't say it was hard work, so i'm sure that when I graduate I can go straight into a job like it. I can definitely pay the money back as soon as I get a job, but I can't prove that to anybody.

Social housing means a flat or house that is part funded by the government, like council house or housing association. They are not shared normally. You will get accepted for the emergency loan if it is for accomodation and you are homeless, just as long as you really have no money or savings that you can cash in.

Vanille_2

meer53 wrote: »

I think you should abide by your parents "rules" for now, get yourself a part time job, any job, so you have some money to live on for now. Why do your parents dislike you being there ? You haven't said much about what is causing the problems at home, apart from the garlic comment. There are lots of foods that don't need garlic, whats wrong with beans on toast ?
To say that you'd rather kill yourself and let your parents deal with the guilt rather than give in to their demands makes you sound like a bit of a drama queen. Respect works both ways, you all have to live there, you have to try and compromise otherwise things will never improve. What other "unreasonable demands" have they imposed on you ?
To be honest, you don't have any other options for now so i feel it would be best to try to get on with your parents as best you can. I have a 24 year old son who dropped out of Uni twice and came home so i know from experience how things at home can become awkward, but he would never threaten to kill himself because i got a bit stroppy with him. They're your parents, it might be difficult at the moment for you and them, but maybe if you sit down with them and tell them how you feel, things might change ?

I know it makes me sound like a drama queen, but I can't help it. These are my feelings, not my logic. I've always been kind of extreme.

You're right, I should make an effort to adhere to their rules whilst i'm under their roof, but there should be compromise and right now there's not.

They're not happy with the time of day that I eat, even though it does not disrupt them, they're not happy with what I eat, because of the smell in the house or because they feel it's just 'wrong', because of either my portion sizes or what food i'm using. I'm a big guy, I'm an athlete and I require lots of food. They do not understand that. When I cook I don't do it for taste, I see food as fuel, like a bodybuilder does, and I split my food accordingly. The bottom line is that I pay for my own food, I do not cook when they need the kitchen or in any way that distracts them, but they keep impeding on my life. I'm also not allowed to eat in certain rooms.
I'm not allowed to stay up as late as I want, despite sleeping problems, or the fact that I don't keep them awake. When the cat wakes me up scratching on the door every morning at 8am then I should just deal with it because it used to be her room???

I'm being criticised of smelling, and making the house smell. I'm criticised because my hair is too long, I'm on the internet too long, I drink water out of glasses that are too big, because i'm not doing enough university work despite the fact that i've been given extensions because of medical problems. I'm criticised for the clothes i'm wearing, or how much they cost in the first place. I'm called disrespectful because I forget sometimes to turn off a light in a room for 20 minutes. I've got a lot better at this though. I'm disrespectful because I don't offer to run them errands, which I should do because I haven't got a job, despite the fact I'm actually busy most of the time.

Some of their problems are a bit more understandable, like when I leave a plate in my room overnight, with intention to wash it in the morning, I'll get in trouble for leaving it around. Apparently the kitchen is too messy and I should wash something up immediately instead of in the morning. Some rooms are too messy for their liking, when they really aren't bad at all for even a slightly clean person. Mum's bordering on obsessive when it comes to cleaning.

They are allowed to mock me and demand that I make cups of tea when they want them. They don't say please, if they did I wouldn't have a problem. I HATE it when somebody tells me to do something, but because it's their house I have to do it.

The thing is, it's their house so I should live by their rules. But there are too many of them and i'ts really restricting my life.

You're right. Respect comes two ways. I do not tell them to conduct their life in any manner, but mine is always criticised. Their constant criticisms of my personality have been making me depressed for years. I've already spoken to counsellors about this and friends/previous girlfriends that have been here agree that they're so negative to me.

I've developed such a disdain for this place that it really does feel as though i'm trapped. It may seem childish to some of you, but for me it really does bring up the idea of suicide. I know its stupid though, because once I'm working I never have to see them again, but I can't work now. I'm trying to do my work, I have about 2 weeks left and it's so hard to live with them. I'll end up having to stay in this house for months to come. If I argue back to them it makes things very awkward; I was kicked out of the house a few weeks ago for refusing to give my brother half of the meal I'd cooked for myself, because he was hungry and couldn't be bothered to cook. They feel it's selfish, I feel it's unreasonable. I'm not considered an equal human here. This is demonstrated by the fact that a few weeks ago I heard them talking about me in the living room, swearing and calling me all sorts, the sort of thing you don't say about your child, but as soon as I gave an equal insult to my mum then I'm out of order and I should respect her because she's my mum.

The bottom line is that I don't impede on them much, but they do it to me so much that I feel suffocated. There's also too much going on to write it all in this thread.

No doubt the parents in here will read this and assume i'm just an immature problem child who can't respect his parents. I just want live peacefully where I don't have to deal with anybody telling me that i'm doing ~70% of my life wrong, when in actual fact I usually consult scientific evidence when I do certain things.

desert_rose

Ok, things aren't going your way at the moment so you need to work with what you've got ....for now.

1. Try thanking your parents for letting you stay in their home

2. Help out with domestic jobs and/or offer to do something
like picking up a prescription or carrying a bit of shopping home

3. Be open, honest and frank with them (without causing rows!) and
tell them of your plans, ask for some advice, just try and be
pleasant without fault finding or nit picking

4. If you're in receipt of benefits, are you making a contribution
to the household expenses? Very often, adult kids who return
home can morph into dependent and recalcitrant
teenagers.
Parents, quite rightly, can get a bit ticked off with this

5. Finish your degree and spend some time before you complete it
in sending out as many job applications as possible

6. Give yourself a timescale - six months perhaps and set targets, degree done (tick) 20 job applications this week (tick)

7. Sell off any stuff you don't need on ebay and put it into an escape fund. You will need money for when that job lands in your lap. Try and add to it each week. A tenner here, a fiver there, in six months, it all adds up you know

8. Be realistic and stop dramatising everything. You won't get a loan so you're going to have to scrimp and save short term

9. If you're obsessive compulsive..well, it can be hard on those who live with you (my hubby's one!) and the need to control everything can be an invalidating experience for the rest of the family.

Does this have anything to do with mum not liking you? It would help matters if you talk to her about this.
OCD's don't like opening up but when they do, it can give them a huge sense of relief to be able to explain their feelings and receive a measure of understanding or just acknowledgement in return

10. Look on this time as a period of growth and determine to emerge from it stronger, wiser, more compassionate, more understanding of others.
Its not just about you.

meer53

desert_rose wrote: »

Ok, things aren't going your way at the moment so you need to work with what you've got ....for now.

1. Try thanking your parents for letting you stay in their home

2. Help out with domestic jobs and/or offer to do something
like picking up a prescription or carrying a bit of shopping home

3. Be open, honest and frank with them (without causing rows!) and
tell them of your plans, ask for some advice, just try and be
pleasant without fault finding or nit picking

4. If you're in receipt of benefits, are you making a contribution
to the household expenses? Very often, adult kids who return
home can morph into dependent and recalcitrant
teenagers.
Parents, quite rightly, can get a bit ticked off with this

5. Finish your degree and spend some time before you complete it
in sending out as many job applications as possible

6. Give yourself a timescale - six months perhaps and set targets, degree done (tick) 20 job applications this week (tick)

7. Sell off any stuff you don't need on ebay and put it into an escape fund. You will need money for when that job lands in your lap. Try and add to it each week. A tenner here, a fiver there, in six months, it all adds up you know

8. Be realistic and stop dramatising everything. You won't get a loan so you're going to have to scrimp and save short term

9. If you're obsessive compulsive..well, it can be hard on those who live with you (my hubby's one!) and the need to control everything can be an invalidating experience for the rest of the family.

Does this have anything to do with mum not liking you? It would help matters if you talk to her about this.
OCD's don't like opening up but when they do, it can give them a huge sense of relief to be able to explain their feelings and receive a measure of understanding or just acknowledgement in return

10. Look on this time as a period of growth and determine to emerge from it stronger, wiser, more compassionate, more understanding of others.
Its not just about you.

Thats a fantsatic post.
OP, your parents are providing you with a home, you're an adult now, you should act like one, regardless of whatever mental/emotional issues you may have.
From what you've said i can see where your parents are coming from but i still feel that you can make things better by talking to them. You just don't have any other options. And there is absolutely no chance of you getting a loan from anywhere so if you want an easier life, it's up to you, no-one else. Take responsibility, you might be surprised at how things change for the better.