I'm sort of homeless. Need money NOW.

LovelyLeeds

Vanille wrote: »

I'm no longer a full-time student, because I only have one module left to complete, so I do qualify for JSA as I am able to work full-time. I will admit that i've been spending more time trying to complete this last major piece of work than finding a job.

No offence, but you are coming across as lazy. One module should not take up 100% of your time. Students can work up to 20 hours a week with full time study - what's your excuse? With one module, you could easily take on a full time job, bar work, pizza making, call centre etc - none of them well paying but enough for you to start saving so you can set yourself up elsewhere.
I'm not surprised your parents are hacked off with you, you are coming across as 'all about me'.
Your parents are coming across harsh from what you say, they clearly want you to leave and soon. Are they so inapproachable that you can't ask for a discussion to try and clear the air? If they scorn you, then as another poster suggests, offer your thanks for letting you stay, tell them you are seriously looking for a job (you are aren't you?) and that you aim to move out as soon as you can.
Reading through your thread there does seem to be a lack of co-operation coming from you.
Whilst you're not working, you should really be cleaning the house for your parents.

Vanille_2

desert_rose wrote: »

Ok, things aren't going your way at the moment so you need to work with what you've got ....for now.

1. Try thanking your parents for letting you stay in their home

2. Help out with domestic jobs and/or offer to do something
like picking up a prescription or carrying a bit of shopping home

3. Be open, honest and frank with them (without causing rows!) and
tell them of your plans, ask for some advice, just try and be
pleasant without fault finding or nit picking

4. If you're in receipt of benefits, are you making a contribution
to the household expenses? Very often, adult kids who return
home can morph into dependent and recalcitrant
teenagers.
Parents, quite rightly, can get a bit ticked off with this

5. Finish your degree and spend some time before you complete it
in sending out as many job applications as possible

6. Give yourself a timescale - six months perhaps and set targets, degree done (tick) 20 job applications this week (tick)

7. Sell off any stuff you don't need on ebay and put it into an escape fund. You will need money for when that job lands in your lap. Try and add to it each week. A tenner here, a fiver there, in six months, it all adds up you know

8. Be realistic and stop dramatising everything. You won't get a loan so you're going to have to scrimp and save short term

9. If you're obsessive compulsive..well, it can be hard on those who live with you (my hubby's one!) and the need to control everything can be an invalidating experience for the rest of the family.

Does this have anything to do with mum not liking you? It would help matters if you talk to her about this.
OCD's don't like opening up but when they do, it can give them a huge sense of relief to be able to explain their feelings and receive a measure of understanding or just acknowledgement in return

10. Look on this time as a period of growth and determine to emerge from it stronger, wiser, more compassionate, more understanding of others.
Its not just about you.

1. I thank them quite a lot. I rarely ask them for anything and when I do I always say thankyou.

2. If they ask me to help them, I will. If they TELL me to help them, I won't. It's not a lot to ask for really, to be treated like an equal adult. I was brought up not to take abuse from anybody, except for when they give it. Seriously, how would you feel if you were just sitting there in the living room with some guests, then your mum just suddenly announces "Well, John is going to make us all a cup of tea now, aren't you John?". That !!!!es me right off. That's no way to treat somebody.

3. Honestly, I gave up telling them my plans a few years ago. Whenever I tell them what I want to do in the future they criticise it, not in a constructive way, but in a "Yeah right, whatever, how are you going to do this?" way. Even if it's just something realistic like I want to live in Australia. They'll tell me why I can't do things, not because nobody can do then, but because they feel I can't do them.

4. No, i'm not making contributions. My dad wouldn't accept it from me. I'm grateful for this, I really am, but that doesn't give them the right to treat me however they wish. If I were paying rent, then would it give me the right to do what I wanted in the house? I'm willing to bet that if I paid an equal share of the mortgage every month I wouldn't be allowed to do what I wanted. I'd still get treated the same.

5. I do intend to go crazy with CV's and get a job in the next few weeks.

6. As mentioned above, I have OCPD and making lists are my thing. I do very excessive planning and I have about 7 or 8 different types of lists for different areas of my life, some of which are weighted with importance.

7. I understand where you're coming from, it sounds logical that I should sell my PS3 etc, but in reality, i'll get little money from it; it certainly won't be enough to move out with, but then I'll have to re-buy it all later and eventually lose hundreds of pounds.

9. Actually I don't have OCD, I have OCPD, which is different. It means that I see life a certain way. It has a lot to do with perfection and it's difficult for me to organise my life, because I expect perfection on all fronts. It actually leads to me not completing everything, because i'm trying to do it at such a complex level. I can understand that OCD would impede on other peoples lives, but with OCPD (or at least for me) the only person it really affects is myself, because I sometimes sacrifice logic because I want to do something because it feels 'right'. The problems come with my parents because they try to control me. Let's say I've figured out my perfect diet to facilitate my exercise; i've often consulted various sources and determined it to be the correct way, then my parents butt in and tell me it's wrong, with some 'evidence' that is usually an old wives tale. I then have to argue with them and present scientific papers as to why I'm doing the correct thing, just so they'll leave me the !!!! alone.

10. Thankyou for that. I've had a very difficult for many reasons that I will not bore you all with. I'm currently going through a few things and i've had to argue my way with a few companies/organisations to get my own way. Also i'm going through a court case at the moment, which is completely new to me and it's stressing me out, but i'm conquering it. I know that in the end this will make me stronger. I'm the type of person that has gone to the other side of the world alone and tried to travel across with nothing but a notepad to communicate. I find that problems make me stronger, but occasionally I get so bombarded with problems from every angle that it just gets the better of me, then I get really down. There's more to this story, for example, than i've let on in this thread.

chalkie99

If they ask me to help them, I will. If they TELL me to help them, I won't. It's not a lot to ask for really, to be treated like an equal adult.

That is not an attitude which is going to help you stay in a job, I am afraid.

thegirlintheattic

You will not get a loan as you have no way to pay for it.

You need to get yourself a job, I worked full-time during the last year of my degree, with only one module left you should have no problems with this.

Follow all your parent's rules, it's only for a few months. Sounds like they are being difficult because you have been treating their house as your own private palace. You pay nothing towards your keep, yet don't offer to help and get !!!!ed off when your mum asks you to make a cuppa?!

Voyager2002

An additional point: several of your parents' "unreasonable" rules are things that would actually help your mental health. The points about eating and sleeping have a direct bearing upon this.

I find it incredible that you refused to share your meal with your brother when he was hungry.

Why don't you eat with the rest of your family?

Vanille_2

Gothicfairy wrote: »

Try calling Shelter as they have loads of ideas that might help.
Also get on the housing list for your council and housing association (might take a long time but you can't get one if you are no on the list)
Ask at collage / Uni etc for flat/ house shares
Put a notice on gumtree, your local paper's web site, pre loved, etc etc
Ask your collage / Uni's councillor for advice and maybe a chat
Speak to your Dr about not sleeping and see if they can suggest something to help

Most of all..try to relax and remember that there are people around who will listen and will try and help and that it might look grim right now but you have your whole life ahead of you and once over this little rough patch you can do what you like.
Trust me...........what you feel and see today is not what you will feel and see in a month, year, 10 years etc.

Thanks. I know it'll get better.

spandangled wrote: »

I haven't posted for so long but felt I needed to on this.

Going home after university is incredibly hard. You go from being able to do what you please, to living under someone else's roof with someone else's rules. I remember that when I left home and went to uni, I suddenly started getting on really well with my mum. And when I went back after uni, we suddenly started arguing like cat and dog. And the main reason for that was that I felt that I was being controlled and it put me right back in the parent-child relationship, that I'd had three years away from.

But there is one really good thing about it I PROMISE you. It will make you leave. It will make you do ANYTHING you can, to get out. Do everything desert rose said, you might not like it, but it'll make life easier for you. It will be hard being pleasant when you feel under scrutiny, but it will make it much easier for you to get on with the things you need to do for the next few months in order to make your goals achievable. Those things are realistic, borrowing 2k without a stable income isn't.

It's also good character building, as much of a cop out as it sounds. But there may always be people who control you or criticise you particularly in the workplace but even at home. You may have housemates in the future who think you make too much mess or make too much noise late at night. You can either let them wind you up, wash over you, or make you more determined to succeed.

Thank you also, but there is something I should point out:

This relationship hasn't just started going down these lines out of nowhere. Everybody says I should show some respect and that it's a two-way street, but most of these problems would have started when I was about 13.
You know that point where you start helping out with the house as a child? You go from just living off your parents to helping them with chores; doing your bit. I didn't quite get there. I had problems early on with them demanding that I do things, but not in just a coercive way, but more of a 'taking the pi** out of me way'.

It's around that time where your parents would call you a tw*t, or just swear in front of you, but the second you say anything remotely similar, you'd get a huge telling off. The excuse was always "well we're adults, you're not". Well I didn't respect that, even from an early age. The way I see it, your parents should set an example for you, so if they swear habitually, then you should do it too. If you get told that you're wrong, then they're creating double-standards. I recognised this and it annoyed me. Now imagine for a second that your parents boss you around and give you a lack of respect, so you lose that respect you once had for them. Therefore you HATE the idea of asking them if you can help with anything, not because you can't be bothered to do it, but because you can't stand the idea of going up to somebody that has no respect for you and then offering yourself to them.

In this house, my dad does a lot for me and he shows me a lot of respect, in return I will do anything he asks me. I'll offer to help him with things. My mum, however, I have little respect for her, other than that she gave birth to me, and I despise the idea of going of my way to help her. That said, I try not to inconvenience her. I stay out of her way and keep the house reasonably tidy. I can't help it if she has an exceptional sense of smell, and cal smell things that my girlfriend, dad or brother can't.

I'm not saying i'm right, but you have to understand, I didn't get to this position on my own. I had my own influences, but my parents had a large influence for the way I turned out.

hcb42

I think you need to speak to someone independent to get a grip on this.

Before too long, 10 years, 20 years maybe you might not have your parents.

Your parents are probably finding it incredibly difficult to get along with you and your illness. Harsh, but reality.

poet123

Vanille wrote: »

1. I thank them quite a lot. I rarely ask them for anything and when I do I always say thankyou.

2. If they ask me to help them, I will. If they TELL me to help them, I won't. It's not a lot to ask for really, to be treated like an equal adult. I was brought up not to take abuse from anybody, except for when they give it. Seriously, how would you feel if you were just sitting there in the living room with some guests, then your mum just suddenly announces "Well, John is going to make us all a cup of tea now, aren't you John?". That !!!!es me right off. That's no way to treat somebody.

3. Honestly, I gave up telling them my plans a few years ago. Whenever I tell them what I want to do in the future they criticise it, not in a constructive way, but in a "Yeah right, whatever, how are you going to do this?" way. Even if it's just something realistic like I want to live in Australia. They'll tell me why I can't do things, not because nobody can do then, but because they feel I can't do them.

4. No, i'm not making contributions. My dad wouldn't accept it from me. I'm grateful for this, I really am, but that doesn't give them the right to treat me however they wish. If I were paying rent, then would it give me the right to do what I wanted in the house? I'm willing to bet that if I paid an equal share of the mortgage every month I wouldn't be allowed to do what I wanted. I'd still get treated the same.

5. I do intend to go crazy with CV's and get a job in the next few weeks.

6. As mentioned above, I have OCPD and making lists are my thing. I do very excessive planning and I have about 7 or 8 different types of lists for different areas of my life, some of which are weighted with importance.

7. I understand where you're coming from, it sounds logical that I should sell my PS3 etc, but in reality, i'll get little money from it; it certainly won't be enough to move out with, but then I'll have to re-buy it all later and eventually lose hundreds of pounds.

9. Actually I don't have OCD, I have OCPD, which is different. It means that I see life a certain way. It has a lot to do with perfection and it's difficult for me to organise my life, because I expect perfection on all fronts. It actually leads to me not completing everything, because i'm trying to do it at such a complex level. I can understand that OCD would impede on other peoples lives, but with OCPD (or at least for me) the only person it really affects is myself, because I sometimes sacrifice logic because I want to do something because it feels 'right'. The problems come with my parents because they try to control me. Let's say I've figured out my perfect diet to facilitate my exercise; i've often consulted various sources and determined it to be the correct way, then my parents butt in and tell me it's wrong, with some 'evidence' that is usually an old wives tale. I then have to argue with them and present scientific papers as to why I'm doing the correct thing, just so they'll leave me the !!!! alone.

10. Thankyou for that. I've had a very difficult for many reasons that I will not bore you all with. I'm currently going through a few things and i've had to argue my way with a few companies/organisations to get my own way. Also i'm going through a court case at the moment, which is completely new to me and it's stressing me out, but i'm conquering it. I know that in the end this will make me stronger. I'm the type of person that has gone to the other side of the world alone and tried to travel across with nothing but a notepad to communicate. I find that problems make me stronger, but occasionally I get so bombarded with problems from every angle that it just gets the better of me, then I get really down. There's more to this story, for example, than i've let on in this thread.

I think that this belief is incorrect and that is where your problems stem from.

Vanille_2

antrobus wrote: »

Speaking as a parent, I've come to the conclusion that you have immature problem parents who can't respect their child. But hey ho, that's just me.

Practically speaking, as you've been told, you won't get a loan. (Or at least you won't get a loan except from the kind of people that you don't want to borrow money from.) That's not going to give you an out. I think you know what you have to do. As you put it "Most people would just advise me to stay here, finish this last piece of work, then get a job and move out". Yes, that's about it. I know it "will take months" and that today that seems like forever, but those months will pass, and in time will become nothing at all.

Thanks for understanding. You're probably the only parent here that will at least understand my side. As I said in an earlier post, i'd have no problem helping out a lot more than I do if they had a mutual respect for me, and didn't constantly criticse me.

They're ususually mean to me, as I said, other people have noticed this too. They're very critical of me, not many compliments. It's not that I need compliments, but it does reflect their opinion of me.

eeyore87 wrote: »

Ever done bar work? Some pubs have live-in bar/manager jobs, would definitely be worth looking into, especially if you're not particularly tied down to that area. Check out Gumtree job listings for that kind of thing.

I haven't done any before, but I could look into it. I'm skilled in IT, so that's more the type of job i'm looking for.

saterkey wrote: »

Can i ask that you had a job in university for quite a lot of money but no savings? were there no plans put in place before the end of uni to where you were going to go and how you were going to afford it, im sure that you had an idea of how it would be. Hope you get sorted, but its a case of talk to them frankly, abide by their rules for a few months, go to the library to do your work, take your lunch with you. dont have garlic for the next few months etc. If you want a roof over your head you will have to put up with it until you can find an alternative. Maybe they will give you some money for rent a flat for a few months? good luck

My parents don't have much money. I had to live as a student by taking out student loans, just like most others do. The problem is that most others get some money from their parents; I didn't, however, because of their income it meant that I was severely limited on how much money I could get as a loan. I tried very hard to be considered as an independent student, and in the end the person at student finance told me that it's obvious that I am an independent student, but I didn't quite tick boxes A & B, therefore I couldn't be considered one. It mainly came down to my age. If I was one year older then I would be considered an independent adult, however because I wasn't, then I couldn't possibly be supporting myself, even though I lived on my own for 4 consecutive years with no gaps in between and had considerable HMRC proof of my own income.

Everything would have been ok in the end if I didn't have to hand some work in later. Because of this I couldn't get a job and it's messed my finances up considerably. I couldn't really avoid handing in my work later though.

DCFC79

A full time job only takes up 5 days a week, surely you could get the module done using a few weekends and either saturday and sunday.