I'm sort of homeless. Need money NOW.

Vanille_2

DCFC79 wrote: »

Sorry OP but i honestly cant believe a parent who dislikes they're son/daughter so bad they want them out. What have you done for her to feel about you this way ?

My dad likes me. My mum dislikes me because I argue back. It's like school, when you weren't allowed to argue back to the teacher, even if you had a legitimate point.

Shiloe wrote: »

By the sounds of things you shouldnt actually be entitled to JSA tbh ! You are still completing a module in a course which is 'full time' even if you work load has significantly reduced due to the fact youve got one module left its still one module IN a full time course

It's a gray area. I can work full time and complete this work when I get home, however I haven't had much luck with a job at the moment, so i'm spending my time doing the work instead. Maybe some people will think it's wrong, but i'm going to be working for the rest of my life, probably contributing more in tax than most of the country (sorry if people don't like this, but it's true). So what if i'm having a half-assed attempt at finding a job for 2-3 weeks. After that i'll be pouring money into it.

Vanille_2

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Why should they compromise? It's their house!

True, it is their house. I'm also their son. They have every legal right to tell me that I have to stop eating certain foods whilst living in their house, but it's not a smart move on their part. Why? Because it'll make me dislike them.

Most men in a marriage earn more than the women. Does this mean that they own more of the house, and thus have more control over the rules? No. It doesn't work that way, because they're family and it doesn't matter. It's the same thing here. If they think it's ok to control what foods I eat then they're clearly not very good family members are they?

How dare they mock me by laughing whilst they tell me in front of company that I'm going to make a cup of tea for everybody, without so much of a 'please' or 'thankyou'. They have every RIGHT to make me do this, whilst i'm under their roof, but they would be stupid if they think I will respect them for it.

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

I think most people only want eating to happen in certain rooms - when I lived at home this was the kitchen or dining room, I certainly wasn't allowed to take food into the lounge or my bedroom and I honestly don't think this is unreasonable.

It's not really reasonable either. If I don't make a mess and I don't leave the cutlery there, then what's the problem? I tend to watch programmes on my PC. Now that I'm banned, I have to sit downstairs whilst I watch some sh***y gameshows. If I made a mess then i'd understand, but I don't. They just "don't like the idea of it".

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

How do they know when you go to bed?

If you're in your room then you shouldn't be disturbing anyone - if you're in another room then I can see their point if you wake/disturb others when eventually going to bed. 8am is a perfectly respectful time to get up..

They know when I sleep because of when I wake up, also I admit to them. I don't wake them up. I did for the first few days, then I made an effort to be a lot quieter; now they don't wake. They still don't like when I go to bed because it's not when they'd choose to go.
It's fine if you need to wake up at 8am, but I don't need to.

Besides, I think you're missing the point. If they advised me to wake up at 8am, then i'd understand, but they're not, they're telling me i'm wrong to sleep late and that it's not allowed. That's taking it to another level IMO.
When I need to wake at 8am I will do. Who the hell are they to judge when I sleep. It annoys me that people hear I wake up at 12pm and they assume i'm lazy. What if I couldn't sleep until 6am? Does that still make me lazy?
I'm sick of this whole working class attitude of judging others who don't sleep at certain times. It's like i'm being judged as less of a person. I happen to do a lot of hard work at 2am. Work that gets me high grades.

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Do you pay rent?
Do you pay the utility bills?

If not then why shouldn't you run errands or do chores for them? Leaving lights on costs money.....

Leaving unwashed dishes etc around will only make things worse - tidy up after yourself

No I don't. As I said earlier, I offered to but they wouldn't have it. Although it sounds correct on the surface, do you really think it's fair that I should become their personal assistants? I really mean it when I say i'd rather pay rent and not bow down to them. Also, as I said earlier, I know that if I paid equal rent then i'd still have to abide by their rules. So I can't win?
I rarely leave dishes around. Actually they do it more than I do, which really annoys me, because they're allowed. Again, this is legally correct, but it won't make me respect them.

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Have you even once thought about this from your parents point of view?

You've moved back into their house after they've probably got used to having it back to themselves and then want to do what you want, when you want with no consideration to how they feel.

You're not working so are presumably in the house a fair bit, using their gas/electric/internet etc.

They are providing a roof over your head ... live by their rules (we've all had to do it) until you finish your degree and can find a job and move out.

If you were earning so much while at Uni - what happened to all of that money?

Yes, I do understand it from their point of view and when I moved in I was a lot less conscious of my activity, but then I changed my habits, but then they don't seem to have noticed this. Also, most of my problems come from arguments that shouldn't even come up in the first place, like when they decide to criticise me about some part of my life that has nothing to do with them at all.

I earned that wage for just one year at uni, but I had to support myself completely for a few years, so it vanished. Also I had to pay for a lot of my own equipment, like a PC decent enough to handle my project work. Almost everything I own I bought myself. They don't pay for anything, except the electricity i'm now using up, but like I said, i'd rather pay them and not answer to all of this other nonsense. I also went travelling for a while, which took up more money than expected, but I don't regret that. It was invaluable.

merlin68

At 24, you don't really deserve respect, if your still sponging of your parents. I can why they are annoyed.
It was probably a wake up call. Pay up or get out.
I can't afford to support my 20 year old at uni. She doesn't live at home though.
The cost of even basic living is very high, you will realise this when you move out.
Our barest essential living costs come to £500 a week without any extras.

Vanille_2

LovelyLeeds wrote: »

No offence, but you are coming across as lazy. One module should not take up 100% of your time. Students can work up to 20 hours a week with full time study - what's your excuse? With one module, you could easily take on a full time job, bar work, pizza making, call centre etc - none of them well paying but enough for you to start saving so you can set yourself up elsewhere.
I'm not surprised your parents are hacked off with you, you are coming across as 'all about me'.
Your parents are coming across harsh from what you say, they clearly want you to leave and soon. Are they so inapproachable that you can't ask for a discussion to try and clear the air? If they scorn you, then as another poster suggests, offer your thanks for letting you stay, tell them you are seriously looking for a job (you are aren't you?) and that you aim to move out as soon as you can.
Reading through your thread there does seem to be a lack of co-operation coming from you.
Whilst you're not working, you should really be cleaning the house for your parents.

I'm not going to take offense if it's your opinion, but you're wrong. Some people think i'm lazy, but then they're not me and they don't know what I do. I'm certainly not lazy, I'm the sort of person that chooses to walk a few miles a day to get somewhere, instead of a bus. I also take on a higher workload and manage to do a few things in the day. Also I gym regularly and try to contribute by cleaning things. In regards to work, the reason why i'm not doing it isn't due to me not wanting to, or the inability to schedule it. I know that students there are people putting in more hours than I. This is actually quite a complex issue and I could explain it, but it's going severely off-topic. I've already said it once, but my main reason for not completing work is because i'm actually the opposite of lazy. Most people jump into project work without foresight and get it done, I predict outcomes and account for change over several different layers of protocol. This often means I'm over-thinking constantly and preparing for something out of my depth and it means I get nothing done. There are reasons for this, but I won't go into my childhood to prove it. If that equates to laziness in most peoples eyes, then so be it. It's funny that the medical experts don't feel i'm lazy though. I definitely have problems, I know that, but I'm working on it.

I'm sorry if it seems as though it's all about me. I mean that was a bit ambiguous, so i'll account for both meanings. This thread was created by me, so it features MY problems from MY perspective. That's the case in most threads. If you meant it more contextually then I don't ask for it to be all about me. I actually go about my daily business trying to avoid everybody, but then people come up to be with criticisms, which stimulates an argument. I don't go looking for them.
How would you feel if you were going about your day, then somebody pulls you aside to tell you that you should do something another way, then you disagree with them, then you end up falling out?

If a member of the public came up to you on the street and told you that you need a haircut because you look a mess then you'd tell them to f*** off. If my parents say that then i'm supposed to do what they want me to? If I disagree with them then it'll cause a little argument.
That's the sort of thing I have to deal with.

After all this I should just ignore their insults, then go and hoover for them? I can't believe all of this typical parent behavior on here. Do you all feel that parents automatically deserve respect because of their status, without ever having to give it?

merlin68

TBH you sound like a spoilt brat and i'm amazed that your parents have stuck you as long as they have.
You'd last 5mins in my house. you certainly wouldn't be lying in bed all day, one of my dd's cooks dinner every night and the other does the washing and dishwasher and they are 16 and 13.
They are woken up at 7 with a water spray LOL.
I can't believe somone of 24 is so immature.

CH27

You should respect anyone who puts a free roof over your head, keeps you fed & warm.
That is a luxury to a lot of people & it costs a lot of money.

poet123

I think you sound like a nightmare to live with, and worse, you simply can't see it. Parents are people too.

Vanille_2

merlin68 wrote: »

At 24, you don't really deserve respect, if your still sponging of your parents. I can why they are annoyed.
It was probably a wake up call. Pay up or get out.
I can't afford to support my 20 year old at uni. She doesn't live at home though.
The cost of even basic living is very high, you will realise this when you move out.
Our barest essential living costs come to £500 a week without any extras.

This is the kind of thing that really annoys me about most people. I'm not sponging off my parents!!!! I've been living in their home for 2 months, after spending 5 years living away on my own and entirely supporting myself. I apologise that this happens to be the lowest point in my life right now; I require a little support, but that does NOT mean I'm sponging off my parents!!! How dare you compare me to those who do nothing all day since the day they left school.
Almost every other parent supports their child in some way throughout university. This didn't happen for me, my parents actually held me back, but I got through it ALONE, I worked on the side and I dealt with problems ALONE.
I don't get it. I've represented my country in a sport, I have done various voluntary work, I have held about 6 or 7 different jobs. I supported myself through university despite suffering depression and OCPD. I have lived abroad on my own in the opposite side of the world in non-English speaking countries. Even during my studies I landed a job better than my mum currently has. I paid for almost everything I own. I lent money to my parents when they had none. I have helped my parents do some things they couldn't do otherwise. I'm going through my own court case alone, for the first time, when everybody else gave up on it. I'm currently training for the Commonwealth games and that's just a hobby, I intend to hold down a job that challenges me for the rest of my life. All of this and I don't deserve respect because I had a hard time and had to move in with my parents for 2 months!?!?!?!

This is why I hate most people. Does working for 20 years make you a harder person than most? Why don't I deserve respect until i'm 40? Surely I deserve more respect in some senses for punching above my weight and challenging what the majority of what society believes.
If waking up at 12pm whilst I currently have no job, is a sign that I don't deserve respect from anybody, including my parents, then so be it, maybe this justifies why suicide is so appealing to me.

[Deleted User]

I like your thread a lot!, you have some very valid points, you should be allowed to do as you please, but this is only when you are in control of your life.

Until you are in control of how you live, where you live and so on, you have to do things that you do not want to do and you do have to put up with things like this.

We all do this in some way for all of our life, even if it's just something small we all do it.

Your attitude seems strong and as such I guess your parents are the same or at least one is!. You will clash and that is normal.
Do you think your parents maybe concerned with what you are doing and this is how they show their emotion of this concern.

I am younger than you and have children and if you were my child I would be concerned because we all have something in mind for what we expect our children to be and do, it is very difficult to accept what they do and how they do it!.

Only when you are on the street do you know that they are no longer bothered!. I would keep quiet, act like a mouse and get what you need from this situation.

On another note, what does your sport and other peoples situations got to do with this, if you can become angry at opinions on this thread then you need to look at what this is all about. Remember one thing you are not the only person to do all of those things, if people respect you for it then great, if not then don't worry. Suicide is not the business of anyone here and nor should there opinions be taken into consideration by you. Who are these people? I don't know and neither do you!.

Respect yourself, not everyone respects others, that's life!

HTH

Mags_cat

Respect comes with a level of responsibilities.

Man up. You don't deserve anything *just because* you happen to exist as a member of a family.